G.T.I.: Gym, Tan, IvyGate

Awwww yeahhh. The summer is heating up, folks, and your fearless IvyGate editors have handed me the keys to this glorious website for the entire month of June. I will be working tirelessly from my parents’ basement – er, I mean, Official IvyGate Headquarters – to bring you the juicy Ivy League news and gossip that you so desperately crave.

If you have any good tips or info, send them along to IvyGateSummer2011@gmail.com. The summer can be a slow news period, so if one of you crazy Ivy Leaguers wants to help me out by making an embarrassing sex tape or something (I’m looking at you, Brown!), it would be much appreciated.

I think we’re going to have a fun time this summer, and I’m eager to get this show on the road. For those that don’t know, I’m a blast in a glass … a walking holiday, if you will. And there are plenty more Jersey Shore references where that came from.

 

~Corey Brezak

IvyGate’s Looking for Summer Editors: APPLY NOW!

You may have noticed — if you weren’t too busy slaving away on terms papers in some dimly lit corner of library-hell — but the seasons have changed.

The sun is out. The birds are chirping. All manner of Ivy League fauna — butt-chugging bros, tiger cubs, felonious transfer students, fucking Kurt Schneider — have shed their extraneous outerwear and appear poised to continue making poor decisions well after the vernal equinox. In short, summer is just around the corner.

Your fearless IvyGate editors will continue to plug away here through the end of May, after which time we’ll step back into advisory roles. Then starting June 2nd, in the finest of IvyGate traditions, we’ll hand over the reins to a fresh-out-of-the-box team of Summer Editors, equipped with their own distinguished brands of Internet muckraking.

But who, pray tell, possesseth the verve, the panache, the editorial derring-do to lead IvyGate? Maybe you!

Here are the detes: If you’re interested in applying to be a guest editor for the month of June, shoot us an email at tips@ivygateblog.com. We’ll send over the application info, post haste. Then you can get to work showing us exactly why you deserve a shot at the helm of the Good Ship IvyGate. Who knows? This plum gig could be your first step to media glory. (After all, former summer chief Maureen O’Connor is on TV like every other day now.) So, if you’re interested, hit us up.

Happy Finals,

Constance, Peter, and Eve

The Blog Days of Summer: Introducing your June Guest Editors

Ladies and gents: Mix the mojitos, break out the tanning oil, and commandeer your Daddy’s schooner. IvyGate Summer Session is finally upon us. Even as we flee our beloved campuses for sunnier shores, the news and gossip train chugs on. The days are getting longer and the nights shorter, but equally debauchery-filled. Even while saving whales in Antigua, starving children in Senegal, and derivatives on Wall Street, Ivy Leaguers still find the time to act ridiculously. Ivy absurdity doesn’t take a vacation, and neither do we. So as you slave away at your unpaid internship, rack up mandatory Science credits, get wasted at your BS “language study” abroad, enjoy a free “cultural” beach vacay on your school’s travel grants, and suck up to your parents for spending money, you can still count on IvyGate for perennial distraction/chuckles.

But of course, fresh air calls for fresh blood, and so, in the time-honored guest editor tradition, IvyGate’s shaking up its editorial leadership for the summer, giving some new folks a chance to test their muckraking mettle. Your irresponsible EICs, Alex Klein and Dan D’Addario, are taking a break–hopefully to produce stories of wrongdoing of their own for others to write about. Freed from the day-to-day slog of the site’s trenches, we’ll be providing guidance and checking out applications for July’s guest editor positions (if you’ve emailed us already: don’t worry, we’re compiling the list and getting back to you all with application info ASAP).

Stepping into the breach for the month of June are two phenomenally talented writers and editors, both IvyGate contributors, who we think will rock your Argyle socks. They’ll be taking the good and leaving the bad with a very short learning curve, pushing out 5-10 posts a week and fielding your tips, love-songs, and hate-rants.

So give a warm welcome to your June guest editors, the dastardly duo of Miranda Lewis — also Editor-in-Chief of Yale’s Bullblog — and Gabe DeLeon — actor, humorist, man-about-town. Look forward to their introductory post tomorrow, and to phenomenal stuff from these time-tested satirists and blogstars in the weeks to come.

APPLY TO GUEST EDIT: Summer Blogging, Happened So Fast

Since IvyGate’s ignominious inception, its muckraking and fun-making have always been spruced up by a little variation. Fuck “too many cooks.” Out with the old, in with the new, that’s what we say. Melting pots, marketplace of ideas, we are the one’s we’ve been waiting for, all that jazz — at least for now. In this spirit, we’re happy to announce the return of our vaunted Guest Editor program. (Basically, a way of tricking gullible but talented people into temporarily running this shitshow/site and bearing the weight of commenter adoration, while we slack off and work on our tans.)

Yes, you heard us right: it’s the tentative beginning of IvyGate Summer Session.

How it works: During June, July, and August, Alex “Yalien” Klein and Dan “PRETTY Dan” D’Addario will step aside (both in London, coincidentally, the former at The Times, and the latter, teaching) into advice and consent roles, while Guest Editors run the site, top-to-bottom. Look for great stuff from new folks, as well as a sprinkling of the tried-and-true.

The important part: We have a month in mind that is as wide-open as Harvard to kids with made-up resumes. We’re currently looking for Guest Editors for the month of June. If you think you’ve got what it takes to plug this leaky vessels for a whole lunar cycle — pizazz, lack of shame, jokes, internet mastery, journalistic experience(?), a sunny disposition — let us know, and we’ll send over (easy) application details.

For glory and gossip: tips@ivygateblog.com

With love,

Alex and Dan

The End of an Era

Well, IvyGate, it’s been fun. But now it’s time for your next flavor-of-the-fortnight guest editors to take over. So open up your small, bitter hearts to Dan Haley and James Yu. Send them links, personal essays, playlists, and dinner invitations at tips@ivygateblog.com.

So long, and thanks for all the tips!

And NOW, a long, personal post about our scandalous weekend, after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Get Ready For The Longest Intro Ever

Be afraid, be very afraid.I woke up the morning after IvyGate’s big bar bash relieved that I was in my own bed and apparently still wearing my underroos. So far so good, I rationalized, and that was when I heard the shower turn on.

Despite the early morning haze of one too many gin and tonics, everything came back to me. I hadn’t gone home from that party alone. I had gone home with my new co-editor.

**

I don’t usually take showers in unfamiliar apartments the morning after. Hell, I usually just grab my pants and run. But this time was different. It was uncanny how much we complemented each other. Robyn was from Irvine, California, a student at Barnard, and headed to med school in the next few years.  Basically, she could do a Korean accent better than I could; she was the daughter my mother was meant to have. I was raised in New Jersey, a former prep schooler and a student of literature at Harvard.  I should have been bat-mitzvahed years ago.

When we met, we finished each others sentences. We ordered the same drinks, a few too many.  Sometimes you know right away that it’s not going to work out.  But sometimes you know that it will.  And so I stayed for my shower.  We were going to be the best of friends.

**

Our beautiful-yet-awkward relationship started out where most healthy, substantive relationships begin: through Facebook. After stalking the shit out of each other once we were assigned as co-editors, we decided to meet for drinks.

We were both in New York for the summer, interning in publishing (Juli), and taking summer physics classes whilst editing Columbia’s bioethics journal (Robyn). Well, drinks turned into a baking fiasco, then a round of embarrassing sex story trade offs, a trip to Nick and Chris’s aforementioned IvyGate party, and finally a drunken subway ride uptown, which culminated in what can only be referred to as a slumber party.

Yes, really. A slumber party. With pajamas and giggling and cookies and all that girly shit. And now we’re, like, totally BFFs. Over the past few weeks we’ve gone to the theater, the park, a nice Italian restaurant.

So thanks, Ivy Gate, for the first completely not awkward morning after we’ve ever experienced (i.e. In the words of Douglas Adams, ‘So long, and thanks for all the fish’).  And, as an act of gratitude, the plan is basically to turn this blog into the next Sex and the Ivy.  It’s a hard job. But someone’s got to do it.

Send us tips, recipes, personals, or embarrassing sex stories at tips@ivygateblog.com


Juli Min, Harvard ’09, is the singer in a funk band and also an acoustic indie duo that performs in and around New York.

Robyn Schneider, Barnard ’08.5, is the author of several forgettable books for teenagers.  She hopes to attend medical school and bedazzle the shit out of her scrubs.

–ROBYN SCHNEIDER AND JULI MIN

Mother… I want to…

This is the end, my only friends, the end. After two amazing weeks of laughs, tears, and yes, a few other bodily fluids, my time at IvyGate is finished. I’m glad we had this time together. Thanks to all my friends for leaving nice comments, and everyone else for displaying the intellectual rigor and insight that I’ve come to expect from Ivy League students who didn’t go to Columbia.

If you can’t imagine life without my blogging, I suggest you start visiting The Pacific East. It’s me and some other jerk raging about politics and shit. Go to it now and read an awesome post on Mongolia by my co-blogger that I wanted to excerpt on IvyGate but never managed to condense properly.

Mike Bechek’ll probably have a sign-off for ya too, but I’m out. Robyn Schneider and Juli Min are up next, and I can say with certainty that they will both do a better job than me.

– ANDREW MARTIN

UPDATE: I’ll just add yet another exhortation to send the next guest editors tips. Coming up with stories over the summer is a tough business, as Andrew and I have demonstrated all too well. On the bright side, the plague of guest editors is almost over, so keep your heads up. It’s been real.

– MIKE BECHEK

Lost and Found: Anyone Missing a Skull?

For a few weeks in May, my friend Greg worked as a “scavenger” at Yale, going through all the crap people leave behind in their rooms after finals and (mostly) trashing it. He was paid pretty well, and got to keep anything he found. His final haul, I believe, was a few bags of chips, a blue bicycle and a ratty Dr. Pepper t-shirt he is way too proud of.

That is all very much less impressive than this.

According to police, a West Philadelphia apartment vacated by seven Penn students last month was, upon later inspection, found to contain a human skull.

Read the rest of this entry »

We Are the Change We’ve Been Waiting For

Good morning, idle Ivy League interns! I’m Mike, Brown ’10, and Jesus Christ is it a slow news month.

Seriously — what the hell. Please, get out of your office, do something embarrassing and send us a video. Start a damaging rumor about someone you don’t like.

Anything.

Many thanks to Nina and Charleton for holding down the fort. I am excited to take the reins at this esteemed blog for the next two weeks.

I will try to post some cheap, ethics-free entertainment when I am not at my day job interning at a newspaper in New York, where I pretend I am a serious journalist.

And now I’m happy to introduce the second guest editor:

Dear IvyGate Readers,

My name is Andrew Martin and I used to go to Columbia University in the city of New York. Unfortunately, I’ve had to move from the trendy bar district of Morningside Heights to the utterly desolate heart of the East Village. Some nights, I wake up screaming “Senior Night at the West End!” and realize that I have nowhere to go. But that’s all right. I’m an intern at a very nice old magazine with downtown offices and I work with other people who attended Ivy League colleges, or foreign colleges that are even better than Ivy League colleges. I’ve moved up from getting rejected by Barnard girls to getting rejected by much prettier NYU girls. And I’ve got my Secret Ivy Ring now, which helps me get out of scrapes with the law on land and sea. My goal is to serve you. If something’s not up to par, treat me as you would the help: with a swift kick to the shins.

****************************************************

True, it’s another two weeks for you guys of hit-or-miss guest editors. But please, don’t be too hard on us — you almost had this instead. (Please, do click.)

–MIKE BECHEK AND ANDREW MARTIN

That Is All

Well, it’s our last day of guest editing. Look out for what will surely be awesome stuff from Andrew and Mike. Keep sending them tips and remember to register to comment.

It’s been real.

-NINA SHIELD AND CHARLETON LAMB