Professional crazy person Jesse Morrell was right. The gays have taken over the Ivy League.

The Crimson reports that Harvard’s Memorial Church will soon echo with the strains of “Here Comes The Bride” for two very special undergraduates. And get this: they’re both men! The Cantab pioneers, Billy Stallings ’10 and Paul Nauert ’09, are engaged to marry at Harvard this summer, having forged their union under a star and bat-filled San Antonio sky earlier this year. Yes, you heard that right:

I knew at that moment as bats were flying overhead and the stars were coming out, and then he said, ‘Will you marry me?’

Satanic sky-rats: how romantic. (FYI, bats are the only flying animals that practice oral sex. Also: vampires!) But hold up! Stalling’s dad is a Reverend.

Hold up again! He’s really, really supportive… Take that Leviticus 18:22:

I think they’re perfectly matched. They’re compatible, terribly interested in what the other is doing, and they promote each other’s interests. They’re talking about adopting children and having a family.

Preach it, preacher-man! After all, shouldn’t this adorable pair have the same right as the rest of us to lock themselves in the loveless and sexless Dantesque dungeon that is monogamous marriage? (Exhibit A: my parents.)

Hetero-normativity aside, we totally endorse this couple’s patent adorableness. Comparing their poise and maturity to some of Harvard’s classy straight gentlemen—Exhibit B: Matt “my spooge tastes like unripe bananas” DiPasquale—these fellas pass with flying colors. (Rainbow joke immaturely intended).

Reality checks, awkwardness, envy and Frankie Valli after the jump.

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Yale students are no doubt happy, but are they also gayer than their counterparts at other schools? That according to the latest issue of Yale Alumni Magazine, whose cover purports to explain “Why They Call Yale the Gay Ivy.” What you find out quickly is the reason they call Yale the Gay Ivy is because they call it the Gay Ivy.

In addition to the 1987 declaration  “Suddenly Yale is a gay school,” the assiduous editors offer such hard-hitting journalism as citing Wikipedia (but who doesn’t?) and availing themselves of that old saw, anecdotal evidence:

Yale probably does, however, have a higher proportion of gay students than other Ivies; there are no statistics, but many gay Yale students think it’s true. And if you walk around campus for a while on your visit, you may see a gay couple holding hands.

Well, if Yale students think it’s true, it must be. The fact gay Yalies are more comfortable holding hands than they might at, say, Princeton, where the gay community reportedly turns to Craig’s List for discreet hook-ups, supports the claim a bit more, though.

After the jump: how Yale came out, angry alumni commenters, and Patrick Bateman explains how he knew Yale was the Gay Ivy all along.

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While flipping through a discarded UVA alumni magazine at the gym [Ed.: They're letting Wahoos into Park Slope now?], we came across this charming letter to the editor:

It would seem there is a disturbing trend of pro-gay advocacy in Alumni News. In the class notes section, which I always look forward to reading, I was disturbed to read a proud “new parents” announcement of a girl to a pair of men.

Some on your editorial staff may think that this is progressive, politically correct and reflective of changing attitudes toward the family and marriage. To me, it is an insult to the core of society: the family. In the sad wake of the sexual revolution, there is already tons of data by sociologists that children raised in a home with a mother and father with whom they have a biological connection are the most stable, and less likely to fall into adolescent delinquency, substance abuse, teenage sex, etc. If the aim of the University is to serve society, then we need to foster an environment that helps strong citizens to grow and develop, and not just benchmark the steps taken by different persons as if any choice is equivalent.

I ask you if it is reasonable to endorse with normalcy the actions of a fringe of people that affect the foundations of society.

Barbara Ellen Spencer (Col ’83)
New Delhi, India

Yes, yes, this could just be the regressive ramblings of one cranky alum. Except the previous letter happens to be from someone disputing the Big Bang theory on the grounds that it sounds too crazy. Looking good, UVA. Lookin’ good.