Hey, remember that book "Football: The Ivy League Origins of an American Obsession"? You know, the one that's currently the 559,294th best selling book on Amazon. You don't? Well, it must have made an impression on the one guy who bought it - filmmaker Erik Greenberg Anjou.

Fresh off his latest success, A Cantor's Tale, the Middlebury grad and former Cantorial music student is turning his attention to an equally gripping topic: Ivy League football. The film is set to be released sometime in 2007.

A documentary on Ivy League football? Someone must have already acquired the rights to watching paint dry and the grass grow.

It's hard to hate on Andrew Bujalski, Harvard '98. Maybe that's why film critics, seduced by his effortlessly fawkward dialogue and pasty-face characters, seem to forget all English words except "generation," "poet," "authentic," "Cassavetes" and "zeitgeist," which isn't even English. The guy's new movie, "Mutual Appreciation," got a 100 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. (Meanwhile the brilliant "The Skulls" got a seven. Sometimes we want to climb up a clocktower.) Come on, people! Where's the dissent? Will no one step up and hate Andrew Bujalski?

Fine, if you insist.

How to Make an Andrew Bujalski Film: First, choose the six most annoying people you know. One of them should be marginally attractive, if only when backlit. Next, think of the ten most insignificant conflicts imaginable (like a Froot Loop fell on the floor, or you forgot to pick the lint out of the dryer filter). Now outline a series of conversations dealing with those conflicts and shuffle the pages into a random order. Inject your actors with Quaaludes before shooting. Onset, avoid tripods and well-lit areas. If an actor accidentally finishes a sentence or makes a coherent point, yell "cut!" and start over. Repeat until famous.

Disclaimer: We actually admire Bujalski's work. Grudgingly. True story, though: two film buff friends of ours, in a fit of rage after watching his film "Funny Ha Ha," microwaved the videocassette.