A Cornell Student Pulled A Mike Tyson During Late Night Brawl Outside A Food Truck

A Cornell sophomore channeled everyone’s favorite face-tattooed boxer last night, allegedly biting the ear of another student during a fight, The Cornell Sun reports. The ear assault took place outside Louie’s Lunch, a food truck on Cornell’s North Campus, which was closed at the time.

It is unclear whether the nature of the assault biting and the location were coincidental, or the students just got a little too hungry and impatient. As one Sun commenter so perfectly put it, When Louie’s is closed, you’ve got to eat something.”

According to the Sun, Mini Mike Tyson was charged with assault in the third degree. If convicted, he could face up to a year in prison.

Update, December 2016

The subject of this article recently reached out to IvyGate with the following statement:

The case was dismissed, but I realized that I needed to address my drinking problem, and I took a personal leave from Cornell. I stopped drinking and joined AA. I worked as a moving man and truck driver. After a few years, I transferred to another college. I have done very well academically. I have not had a drink in four years and intend to remain sober for the rest of my life.

With rare exceptions, IvyGate does not delete posts. As a matter of editorial discretion, however, we’ve removed the subject’s name from this post. — Ed.

IvyGate Gives You Free Shit: Winning It May Be A Long Shot

img-article---the-longshot-book-cover_225649208742The Daily Beast recently profiled Katie Kitamura (Princeton ’99), whose debut novel, The Long Shot, is out this month from Free Press. Although the Beast pokes fun at the “young Asian ballerina” who wrote a novel about MMA, or ultimate fighting, they can’t help but admit that the book is fantastic:

“Katie Kitamura, a Princeton-educated former ballerina, has produced a lean, taut little novel as authentic as any sport could hope to have represent it. The Long Shot, her debut effort, reads the way we imagine the best fighters to be: quiet, measured, self-assured, always thinking ahead.

This book sounded like a great end-of-summer read, so we checked it out and convinced the author to give away a personalized, signed copy to one IvyGate commenter.

That’s right! For all of the times when you’ve bashed our posts, calling us out on typos or less-than-stellar sentence structure, the tables have turned, anonymous friends.  To enter, Leave your most awesome fight story in the comments. We’ll update this post to let you know who Katie has selected as the winner on Sept 1, and you can email IvyGate to claim your prize.

So, to recap: Leave a fight story in the comments. You have until Sept 1 to make shit up recall that drunken night at 1020 where you maybe clocked your orgo TA over a wrongly-graded problem set. You can enter as many times as you’d like.

Ready? Let the commenting begin.

Edit: We have winners! Two, actually. H’?? (Gentlemen’s Death Club dude) and “Two Tooth” Tommy. Email your mailing address/instructions to personalize to robyn@ivygateblog.com. Congrats!

Brown Olympic Gymnast Totally Decks This Guy

Who among us hasn’t fantasized about being punched in the face by a beautiful woman? Who among us hasn’t fantasized about going to Brown? You can indulge both fantasies with this Youtube video, where attractive Olympic gymnast and Brown rising junior Alicia Sacramone wheels back and slugs some willing admirer.

When asked to confirm whether her badass video is real, Sacramone said:

He dared me to do it and I did it.

Sacramone, incidentally, took third place for vault in today’s woman’s gymnastics qualifying round, securing a place in the vault finals. Help cheer her onto Olympic stardom, and when you’re not doing that check her out below