Boldly we Ivy Leaguers stride forth into the 2010s, leaving in our dust the dregs of this lame, lame year. Pause, though, to recall all those things that befell the Ivy League that we’re hopefully leaving in 2009 — and some good things, too! But when the fact that Amy Gutmann hasn’t found any time for impromptu photoshoots for the third year running is a good thing, we know we’re in trouble.

Yalies were told to repent for their (sexual, mainly!) sins, but it was the staffers of the Crimson who seemed naughtier to us. Cornell’s fiendish ticklers were the naughtiest of all! Hopefully they learn what “off-the-record GChat” means in 2k10. The raunchy Princetonians—now, you know, having nightly orgies in their dirty mixed-gender rooms—are the Cornelians’ spiritual heirs. Worst of all, their coed rooms are unaffiliated with eating clubs.

After the jump, big celebrity scoops of 2009, whose very “bigness” depends on how much you love Harry Potter films or voting Democratic.

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Emma Watson has arrived in Providence with the paparazzi in tow. A few hours ago, the UK’s Daily Mail newspaper published the first photos of a very un-Hermione-looking girl lounging in the grass at Brown and performing what appears to be a variation on the tolasana yoga pose.

According to a statement from Brown’s director of communications, Watson will receive the same rights and protections as any other student on campus. (Seriously, we want this confirmed in party photos.) Emma is following suit, explaining that she’s just a regular limey:

But I do hope that it will be only a short time before I am known as “Emma Watson, the student from the UK” rather than “Emma Watson who starred in those Harry Potter films”.

Good luck in college, Emma.  And remember: No Glove, No Love.

More photos after the jump.

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We’ve got the station wagon packed and Igloo full of beers. Meanwhile, those lucky freshman moving into the lauded zip codes (02138, 06520, 08540, etc etc), have their own road trip to sort out. And the Senate Finance Committee is doing whatever they’re going to be doing to make sure the American health care system stops killing people’s dads.

So IvyGate’s taking a little vacay. I’ll be working on my Member’s Only jacket collection—not a joke—and recruiting new writers. (Email me directly with discount codes for eBay Top Sellers.) We’ll be back on September 1st with a cache of embarrassing move-in mix-ups and pictures of Emma Watson’s underwear drawer.

Please send tips to: tips@ivygateblog.com

After the jump, more Clark Griswold clips.

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Here’s the important bit from Emma Watson’s interview in Paste Magazine.

Paste: You are off to University in the autumn.

Watson: I am—to Brown, which is an Ivy League establishment in the U.S.A. I’ve got a place there to read literature.

Nailed it! Take that Daily Mail and NY Daily News! We laugh at your claims of her attending Columbia. She’ll attend Columbia when we get tired of writing about her: Never!

Back in October, the world’s favorite young hot witch was seen touring the top Ivy League schools. But in April, Emma shocked the Ivy nation by opting to attend Brown over Harvard and Yale. Naturally this sparked a great reaction, mostly from IvyGate commenters who could not believe that someone actually chose Brown instead of settling for it–much less someone as internationally famous as Emma Watson. The three questions being tossed around were:

     1. She’s not actually going to Brown, right?

     2. Harvard and/or Yale must have rejected her, correct?

     3. Holy fuck, why is she going to Brown?

Three months later, these questions can be finally put to rest. With Half-Blood Prince coming out this month, the Harry Potter kids are on the interview circuit. Daniel Radcliffe took a break from being nude to say this to The Guardian about his co-star:

[Emma Watson's] very clever. Do you know her GCSE results?” His eyes boggle: “I was thrilled with mine – seven Bs, two As and an A*. I think Emma got three As and seven A*s – she’s incredibly academic, it’s frightening. Me and Rupert [Grint] to all intents and purposes dropped out of school. And she’s going to Brown.”

Not much reading between the lines needed there. Although Watson may have used the Imperius Curse on Radcliffe to keep him from revealing that she’s going to Tufts. Read the rest of this entry »

The List, a Scottish arts and entertainment magazine, has reported that Emma Watson is a “University nerd” headed for Yale come September rather than Brown, as originally reported. Confused? Watson probably is too.

Maybe the bleary-eyed author accidentally clicked on a faux-Twitter posting where a pseudo-Watson said she had accepted Yale’s offer. I mean, New Haven? Really? Who would fall for that?

People Magazine has failed to confirm the story. A recent piece on Hermione’s recent grown-up Interview led with “It’s no secret Emma Watson – a.k.a. Hermione Granger in Harry Potter’s world – wants a degree from an American college, preferably an Ivy League school like Brown.” (Emphasis added.) Smooth, very smooth, People.

Our inside sources say that barring a drastic change of plans, the prize prefrosh is “assumed” to be coming, fulfilling every Brunonian dream of finally meeting their bookish childhood idol.

As of April 14th, Watson, who recently turned 19, blogged that she still hadn’t decided where to go. But it looks like she will be pursuing higher education in the fall, unlike her co-star Daniel Radcliffe (he who famously overexposed himself, with a horse) who set eating clubbers’ panties aflame with rumors that he would be attending Princeton. Only that never happened.

We have one last question: did she get rejected from Harvard? Because she definitely visited.

The British tabloids leaked early this morning that Emma Watson has decided to matriculate at Brown this fall. Although she was spotted touring campuses in New Haven and Cambridge, it should be no surprise that the tweenie who plays Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter series would avoid the gothic arches and Georgian bricks in favor the legendary Providence shopping mall. (Fuck yeah, America.) Yale and his Harkness Tower and Harvard and her Annenberg are notably more Potter than Brown. And notably more difficult to get into.

According to the secret tipsters to News of the World, Emma just fell in love with Rhode Island. Or something:

She looked at universities over here [in the UK] but fell in love with Brown. She has a lot of friends there.”

If any of the sweet blogosphere rumors are true, Emma is going to be majoring in Greenpeace and hopes to become the captain of the inaugural Brown Quidditch team. She’s going for a minor in looking good and making me feel like a creep for watching this video.

Embedded video and action figure photos after the jump. Oh and you “friends” of Emma at Brown. We know you read IvyGate, so just start shoveling the dirt this way, please.

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Barely legal hottie Emma Watson (aka Hermione Granger, aka Harry Potter’s First Boner, in the movies about the kid whose penis is now available for public viewing on Broadway) toured Harvard yesterday and is now wandering the street of New Haven, according to students who spotted her this morning:

Saw her walking around with one of the head tour guides, and now she’s in the admissions office having an interview. Once I muster the courage (read: creepyness), I’ll take pictures from the bushes or save her from being run over by a bus or something.

In the absence of Miss Watson, Harvard has been entertaining a handful of other celebrities. An operative informs us:

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are currently at Harvard as well. Rumor has it that one of Demi’s daughters is looking to apply. And also JoJo was here like two weekends ago I’m just learning. As opposed to Emma and Demi’s daughter, she came just to party (allegedly) and was sighted at a couple final clubs.

Eh, who cares about Rumer or Bristol or whoeverthehell Ashton is awkwardly fathering these days. Let’s obsess about Hermione Granger a little more. Since Emma’s Grand College Tour appears to be heading south, we predict a Columbia appearance tomorrow (plus partying in NYC for the weekend?) and Princeton next week. Squeal!

Budding paparazzi, get your shutters ready. Next time, we want pictures.