The notorious Julia Allison -- dating columnist, sex columnist, "media kryptonite" -- will be in Princeton this Friday, and she's looking for a man after midnight. Or, you know, after her dad's Alumni Weekend dinner. Papa Allison is class of '70, but we digress. What matters is that Julia Allison is coming, and she's single, and really hot!

Send a picture and briefly explain why you, Mr. Eligible Princeton Hetero and/or Closeted Gay Male, should get a date with the Tila Tequila of Manhattan journos. Seriously, keep it brief. The kid who asks "is single-spacing an option?" every time he turns in a term paper need not apply. Skillful self-portrayal is, however, part of Julia's philosophy:

One of the most difficult parts of dating in New York is standing out. That's why as a single person these days-male or female-marketing yourself outright is a necessary skill.

This is a big deal because a date with Julia Allison = Instant fame and fortune. See that magazine cover? It's like Carrie Bradshaw's "Single and Fabulous?" cover, but without the question mark. That means our winner will be Mr. Big, an epithet you can probably put on your resume, redeemable for infinite NYC ass later in life.

We'll run a "Who Gets to Date Julia?" election on Thursday so the candidate with the most ambitious set of computer-savvy ballot-stuffing friends wins. Applicants must write to ivygate@gmail.com by (hang on while I make up an arbitrary time here) Thursday at 9AM!

Who says the socially handicapped can't be elitist, too?

Spend 10 minutes browsing "elite" dating sites like DateSmartPeople, SquareDating and GoodGenes, and you get the feeling you've stumbled into a sinister breeding experiment. "Your dating options shouldn't be limited because you're an intelligent and well-educated single, or are looking for one," one site tells you. Ohhhh, so that's why I can't get a date! I'm too smart. Also, I can't play basketball because I'm too tall.

The euphemisms are equally precious: You're not a snob, you're a "discerning single." It's not a dating service, it's an "introduction network." We imagine there's no such thing as sex in this world, only "amorous networking." Hot!

The question here isn't, "Who the hell would sign up for this?" Plenty of students already treat college like marital windowshopping (Dartmouth, Hillel, we're looking at you) so it makes sense that the stragglers would need somewhere to convene. The question is, "Who the hell would want to date the kind of person who would sign up for this?" Because the only thing worse than an online weirdo is a pretentious online weirdo. ("What are you wearing?" "Just my monocle.") Still, you gotta hand it to these sites for tearing down all populist pretense and playing to the unholy terror among some students that someday, God forbid, they might have to date outside their IQ percentile (read: tax bracket).