Dartblog—the student-imperiling Dartmouth-centric blog—has published an elaborate letter drafted by a group of faculty and staff who (anonymously) allege that Dartmouth’s Board of Trustees has been blood-funneling alumni mammon into their own pockets. Apparently a lot of Board members collect titanic management fees after directing endowment money into their own VC firms and hedge funds.

The letter expands, though honestly we’re not sure how, on a report published in 2010 by the Center for Social Philanthropy at the Tellus Institute, in Boston, which detailed how Dartmouth’s entrenched conflicts of interest helped accelerate the ongoing global financial crisis. The Tellus report, which also indicts Harvard (and four other New England universities), showed how universities took on mega-risky financial products, on the bad advice of their avaricious financial managers, whom of course everyone trusted, for some reason. 

Is anyone actually surprised by any of this, though? It was Andrew Lohse who tied Dartmouth’s near-religious worship of money to the decay of Dartmouth itself. Guess which blog treated Lohse’s argument with sarcasm? Well, us. But, surprisingly, Dartblog too! Here’s what Asch had to say to Lohse in August, 2011: Read the rest of this entry »

Meet The Dartmouth’s Nate Davis. Decked out in his baby blue bow tie and Ray-Ban sunglasses, he reports back to the Dartmouth community as “Heterosexual Correspondent” to On the Mark with Clark, a new video series. As Heterosexual Correspondent, Davis covers hard-hitting topics, (read: exclusive Kentucky Derby themed social events), asking the tough questions: “Whom are you wearing?,” “Do you know what preppy means?,” and “Seabiscuit or Equus? What’s your favorite piece of horse related art?”

Check out Davis’ introduction to The Dartmouth community below at three minutes:

You might wonder, why do we always see Ivy League characters in books, movies, and on television?  Well, when you get 7 of the country’s most prestigious schools together with Cornell, their combined influence and effrontery is bound to influence pop culture.  Here begins IvyGate’s 2-part “investigation” of Ivy League schools and their fictitious alumni.  To begin, Brown University:

The first person we’ll examine is Hermione Granger…oh, wait…that really happened.

Okay, let’s move on to our next, and certainly most famous and relevant Brunonian: Brian Griffin.  No student could typify Brown University more with his contrarian nature, sickeningly left-wing agenda, air of superiority, and casual (causal?) use of alcohol, pot, and various other drugs.  Most notably, however, he didn’t graduate, rounding out the underachievement of all Brunonians!  Like most Brown students he has very little to put on his résumé, besides things like a hydroponics lab and that one summer in high school spent working to cure Koalas with an extra nipple. Read the rest of this entry »

According to a fairly insane website, Dartmouth student Travis Blalock ’12

will walk with you around campus to show where major hazing practices occur and which areas you should avoid. As with any tour, questions are welcome throughout the event and you should feel free to inquire about certain groups in which your child is interested.

Blalock adds: “we are in the exploratory stages of developing a hazing simulation for our tours.” For now, however, Hazing Tours will “work like traditional tours.”

Wow. So it’s both controversial (or edgy! or whatever!) and a complete disappointment. Only ten bucks, though!

Who is Travis Blalock? We have no idea, but (he claims) he’s not against hazing. From the press release we received:

Read the rest of this entry »

The numbers that are the dick-measuring contest known as Ivy League admissions are finally in, and IvyGate could think of no better way (we didn’t try that hard) to gauge the different school’s reactions by taking to the streets to interview students and determine their (hilarious) reactions to the statistics.

Brown University rolls in (alternatively, “wraps up”) with an admission percentage of 9.6%, a .6% increase from last year! When asked about this rise, I was met with stony eyes and this response: “Brown recently discovered that admitting more students meant more money from tuition. The following year admissions rose higher than for any other Ivy League institution. Where do you think we got the money for our new pool?”

Columbia coasted into a .5% increase from 6.9% last year, on which a student commented,

I’ve never looked at Columbia’s admissions the way others look at it. Others look to decrease the number to appear better. Columbia has always let in more than they can, because we’re not looking to falsify our admissions statistics, though they will automatically be low, as it is an Ivy League school.

Yeah…you can only expect so much from a school in baby blue.  Read the rest of this entry »

Today, in a completely uncontested vote, Nathaniel Fick (D ’99) will be elected to Dartmouth’s Board of Trustees. The CEO of a Washington think tank, Fick is an attractive candidate: he’s intelligent (Harvard Kennedy/Business), served in the Marine Corps, and will be the youngest trustee by over a decade. In contrast, the other two Trustees who will share Fick’s victory are straight-up Dartmouth drones: an ex-Goldman venture capitalist and a corporate lawyer.

But in light of Dartmouth’s recent hazing scandal, Fick makes for an especially awkward choice. Around the same time that Ravital Segal (D ’09) almost died (and broke her teeth) during a hazing incident at her sorority, Fick defended and valorized his brutal treatment in military training, which he has described as “like fraternity hazing.”

In 2005, Fick was doing the rounds for his well-received war memoir, One Bullet Away: The Making of a Marine Officer, which capitalized heavily on his unlikely path from the Ivy League to the American military. In an interview with Book Reporter, Fick said he realized that “all the hazing and abuse” he underwent at Officer Candidate School were in fact tools of self-improvement: Read the rest of this entry »

Matthew Tso is running for New Mexico State Senate and he went to Dartmouth, dammit. Or at least he says. After months of speculation and poking around, it’s been verified that Tso entered Dartmouth as a student in 1996, but that’s pretty much all that’s true about what this guy is saying.

According to local papers, Tso has put his student records on lockdown, refusing to allow anyone to verify his graduation. Last week, Dartmouth spokesperson said that Tso initiated a “confidentiality hold” on his records, which sounds much more intense than it probably is, effectively prohibiting the college from releasing any information. Sounds like someone is trying to hide something, eh Tso?

Probably more damning to Tso’s Ivy credentials though is this little tidbit: “Last September, a Dartmouth spokesman told The Farmington Daily Times that Tso attended Dartmouth but did not graduate.” I think we can safely say that what Tso is hiding is his bold-faced lie about his Dartmouth degree. C’mon man, even the college is saying you don’t have one. Read the rest of this entry »

No, it’s not a late April Fools joke. Dartmouth’s medical school is now The Geisel School of Medicine—i.e., Theodore Geisel, a.k.a Dr. Seuss. A tipster forwarded us the following email, which was sent out an hour ago. There’s a joke in here somewhere.

Dartmouth Names Medical School in Honor of Audrey and Theodor Geisel

Geisel School of Medicine at Dartmouth is fourth-oldest medical school in the
U.S.

Dartmouth College announced today the naming of its medical school, founded in
1797, in honor of Audrey and Theodor Geisel. Their generosity to Dartmouth
during their lifetimes and through their estate plan renders the Geisel family
the most significant philanthropist to Dartmouth in its history. Theodor
“Ted” Geisel, known worldwide as the author and illustrator, “Dr.
Seuss,” was a Dartmouth graduate of the Class of 1925. Read the rest of this entry »

One of the stranger passages in Rolling Stone’s hazing article detailed Andrew Lohse’s truly bizarre criticism of some sort of activity in which newly-arrived freshman consume Dr. Seuss food:

One facet of the Trips experience is being served green eggs and ham in the “lodj” and reading Dr. Seuss (a Dartmouth alum, whose real name was Theodor Geisel). “It’s like they reduce you to a child in order to remake you,” says Lohse. “And then you’re in on the joke. You go to one of the best schools in America and you sit on the floor and eat green eggs and ham… and you’re going to run the world really soon.”

First off—what? Why? Who? This is a controversy, whatever it is? Second off, a weirdly large number of Dartmouthians took to Rollingstone.com and other websites to voice their opposition not to the basic thrust of the article, but to Andrew Lohse’s BLASPHEMING of Dartmouth’s sacred Seussian rituals. Here’s a sampling of the opposition: Read the rest of this entry »

Oh, god. Dartblog’s Joseph Asch just issued a slimy, lying non-apology for his intimidation of a student journalist:

Mea maxima culpa. Yesterday, in a moment of exuberant foolishness, I briefly published a picture of several students in SAE’s basement. One of the students, who I identified by name and by her position in a student publication, was holding a cup of beer. What was meant as gently chiding humor was in fact inappropriate, and the picture was only on Dartblog for a brief period of time before I removed it from the site. If I caused hurt or offense, such was not intended. I apologize for my ill-considered action.

Quickly, because IvyGate has better things to do than explain the details of Joseph Asch’s deceit:  Read the rest of this entry »