People who think the surreal but entertaining high school drama of bad teen movies end after "Pomp and Circumstance" stops playing obviously haven't been to Princeton. An anonymous source recently called out a group of freshman girls who have been referring to themselves as "The Tribe" around campus. Perhaps trying to fight the widespread notion that Princeton girls are the fugliest in comparison with the sexier Ivies by proclaiming themselves as the hottest girls at Princeton, Regina George and company appear to be taking full advantage of rush week and using their marketing prowess to gain entry into one of the exclusive sororities on campus (cross your fingers for Kappa!). Apparently, the girls not only seek exclusivity in social organizations, but also in choice of sexual partners, according to the source, who claims:

They have decided that they are so hot that they will only hook up with legacies and athletes.

Feign surprise at Princeton exclusivity after the jump.

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Yale students are no doubt happy, but are they also gayer than their counterparts at other schools? That according to the latest issue of Yale Alumni Magazine, whose cover purports to explain "Why They Call Yale the Gay Ivy." What you find out quickly is the reason they call Yale the Gay Ivy is because they call it the Gay Ivy.

In addition to the 1987 declaration  "Suddenly Yale is a gay school," the assiduous editors offer such hard-hitting journalism as citing Wikipedia (but who doesn't?) and availing themselves of that old saw, anecdotal evidence:

Yale probably does, however, have a higher proportion of gay students than other Ivies; there are no statistics, but many gay Yale students think it's true. And if you walk around campus for a while on your visit, you may see a gay couple holding hands.

Well, if Yale students think it's true, it must be. The fact gay Yalies are more comfortable holding hands than they might at, say, Princeton, where the gay community reportedly turns to Craig's List for discreet hook-ups, supports the claim a bit more, though.

After the jump: how Yale came out, angry alumni commenters, and Patrick Bateman explains how he knew Yale was the Gay Ivy all along.

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This just popped up on the Daily Princetonian's blog, The Prox. This comment says it all:

I would boink half of them but still....ugh. Chest painting for Gym Class Heroes? Apples in Stereo were awesome.

I've heard this strange usage of the word "tool" bandied about and I've been waiting for an Ivy daily to publish a column explaining what it means. Finally, Cindy Hong, in "Taking a Peek in the Tool Shed," has cleared things up for me. According to Cindy, a tool is a person who engages in:

being fake, networking, pursuing finance, trying too hard, trying too hard not to look like you’re trying too hard

Cindy is quick to assure us she is not a tool, despite her various and acknowledged toolish affiliations: The Daily Princetonian, Wilson School, USG (Editor's Note: Cindy says these affiliations are toolish, not me. Though, I believe her.) Cindy writes:

“But I’m so cool and interesting,” I protested to my non-USG, non-Wilson School friends. “I listen to Neutral Milk Hotel and read David Foster Wallace.” These statements only confirmed their suspicions.

Yes, Neutral Milk Hotel is incredibly toolish (I'm not being sarcastic). After the jump, Cindy tells us why being a tool is actually a good thing. Read the rest of this entry »

Yesterday, the Daily Princetonian ran a story on the proportionally high use of Craigslist among LGBT students on campus to solicit sex. Published on the first day of Pride Week, the article included a discussion of how being gay and getting laid at Princeton is difficult, especially compared to Harvard and Yale. How is it so difficult to be gay at an Ivy League school that one must hustle to the darkest corners of t'Internet, you ask?

The privacy provided by online sites like Craigslist is one of their primary appeals, Peter said, noting that it can be “dangerous” for male students to make out with other guys on the Street.

“I’ve been kicked out of both Cottage and TI (by student ‘officers’ or at least people claiming to be officers) for dancing/making out with another male,” he explained. “The problem is, the Street (excepting Ivy and Terrace) provides a poor environment for meeting other guys. So you have to turn to other outlets.”

So Princeton students use Craigslist for their afternoon delights. That seemed cool. Until kids started commenting on the story. If comments on the Spec Giant Inflatable Penis-gate story were thoughtful, the banter from readers on the Prince's website is, well, passionate. Here's a mild example from "P10":

Gays will not rest until they've converted us all. Campus isn't welcoming of you guys??? Are you kidding me??? Half of my tuition goes to your moronic "support groups" that are listed every two days on Point. What else do you want me to do to make you feel "comfortable"? French kiss my roommates?

Leave us the crap alone. Do what you want in bed, but it's OKAY for us to be against overt gaydom.

More after the jump. Also the results of my personal Craigslist Manhunt.

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At 11:24 on Friday night, a student reported to Princeton's Public Safety Office (PUPS) that a man was "sprinting" around campus with an AK-47. At 12:40, PUPS notified the students with this curt, misspelled, and mysterious text message or email:

This is an actual emergency and not a test. At 12:40 AM today, there is an unconfirmed report of a student-age mail [sic] carrying a weapon in the area of Spelman Hall. [sic]  Stay inside . [sic] Public Safety has recommended that all students remain inside until further notice.  Do not go outside to travel to another building. Close and lock the doors and windows.

This snippet had been sitting in the IvyGate tip box all weekend, until the Prince dished the real story. Nothing to be afraid of! It was only a student carrying a non-functioning weapon—that is, an AK-47 replica. Nevermind that whole Virginia Tech slash deadliest shooting rampage in U.S. history thing. Princeton students were basically there and dodged the bullets.

Wait a second. It's took PUPS 80 minutes to tell students that there's someone patrolling campus with an AK-47?!?! Imagine being the parent paying $40K+ to send her son or daughter to that nice campus with such a cute name for their police officers (who don't carry guns) and getting this news. Your head would explode.

Read the students' reaction and the logic behind the delay after the jump.

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Mark your calendars, Princetonians: it's poverty simulating time. A tipster forwarded us an email to the class of 2011 that included this upcoming event:

"Experience" the frustrations and obstacles of living in poverty in a Poverty Simulation cosponsored by the Student Volunteers Council (SVC) and the Crisis Ministry of Princeton and Trenton. Participants will "experience" poverty for a month (four 15-minute weeks), and then a discussion about community service, public policy, and the myths of poverty will follow. Free lunch will be provided.

Hey! You don't get free food in poverty! 100 people have signed up so far to go to "Realville," where they will roleplay welfare recipients, people with disabilities and old folks living on Social Security, and go to jail and the pawnbroker.

If you'll recall, Dartmouth just hosted a similar event, the Two Dollar-a-Day Challenge. And that Dartian from Zimbabwe said, "As a person who lives and sees poverty at home, I think it’s sort of a stupid exercise. I mean, fasting for a day isn’t going to tell you what hunger is like," remember? I miss college. Read the rest of this entry »

Oh yes, this just in: the Daily Princetonian is (allegedly!) being audited by the New Jersey Department of Labor.  According to our anonymous source, an incriminating and highly contraband email from the Prince’s tax guy, and our nose for scandal, it is SO on.  DOL vs. the Daily Princetonian.  And we’re taking bets.

Intrepid journalists that we are, Ivygate decided to contact the Prince for their side of the story. After a week of emails unanswered, phone calls dodged, futile attempts to leave a voice mail in their filled capacity box, and a bevy of confused business office lackeys who promised to “pass on our message,” Ivygate finally heard back from the Business Manager at the Prince. What he said: “no comment”. What we heard: “damn you, Ivygate, how did you guess?”

Don't concern yourselves with our seeming omniscience, Daily Princetonian. Just make sure that all of you who were issued a 1099 from the paper for 2007 have your stories straight, and your contraband hidden in your hollowed out textbooks.

And as for you, readers, we'll let you know how this scandal plays out.

• Columbia: "'Rooster’s breakfast' is Slovenian slang for 'early morning sex.'"
• Columbia: Madonna Constantine demonstrates inability to cut losses.
• Harvard: Oh Harvard kids, so goddamn worldly.
• Yale: Would you believe these kids and their hats?
• Princeton: Construction workers go overboard trying to take Princeton's gobs of money.
• Dartmouth: "An officer assigned to detail a Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority event at Everything But Anchovies arrested an underage male who brought liquor in a cup to the event." Gin and anchovies -- busted.
• Penn: Hillary Clinton owes everyone money.

Yes, Princeton is being investigated on charges of discriminating against Jian Li in its admissions process.  The Daily Princetonian reported a couple weeks ago that the investigation has broadened, but the best part about the article is the unmoderated melee going on in the comments!

Since the article went up on the website one commenter "Yale College Dad" or, as the cool kids have begun to call him, "YCD," has posted the overwhelming majority of the 200 comments, responding to everyone else with a rapid fire of enraged fury oh so common to the internet.

One of his better posts:

To the pimple popping Princeton brats...Jian Li has more than a strong argument. At the Ivies, especially at HYP, the evidence is overwhelming and compelling, and it is clear and convincing that for decades, there has been a racial basis, conscience or non-conscience, directed against Asian American applicants. Regardless of the outcome of the decision on Jian Li's complaint from the OCR, since it also consists of biased politically correct appointees, who will undoubtedly rule against Jian anyway, Princeton's admissions files will be OPENED, and this could bolster Jian's claims when viewd by an impartial party. This case has put Princeton and the Ivies on notice for more future complaints and federal law suits based racial discrimination by Asian Americans. They won't be ignored, mocked and ridiculed and be treated as frivolous anymore, especially by the Daily Princetonian....090909 has yet to post a credible reponse. Laugh it up, Princetonians, because the joke will be on YOU!!! BTW, some of my relatives and best friends are graduates of Princeton. Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!

But what isn't so common is his encyclopedic knowledge of the case! From my super-scientific estimation, YCD has quoted extensively from at least a handful of articles and legal texts regarding this case, all in his valiant efforts to defend an innocent student from the Princeton's discrimination and its students' ridicule.

After the jump, the plot thickens!
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