Ivy League trolls, state school moles, and christianarchisti, rejoice! IvyGate's trademark Anonymous Comment Boards of Doom and Destruction are back! But this time, there is a catch.

First, we reserve the right of Comment Board Omnipotence, which means if your comment has any of the following characteristics:

• Contains personal information like phone numbers, embarrassing middle names, or, ahem, social security numbers
• Is threatening, graphic, or riddled with hate speech
• Annoys me

We will remove it. Commenter executions may be private or public, depending on the relative levity of your offense. You will, however, increase your likelihood of staying on the boards and of us being kind to you by becoming a registered commenter. We promise joy, abundance, and 72 beautiful virgins to every person who registers. Click "Login" at the upper-right corner of the top banner to register yourself and increase your BMOC factor tenfold. Trust us, there is no better pickup line than "You might know me from the internet. I'm orcslayer16 on IvyGate."

Hey kids,

Just a reminder that, post-site redesign, you need to register to comment. We miss your snarky love! Register here.

And remember to keep those tips a-comin'.

-NINA SHIELD AND CHARLETON LAMB

It's been a hell of a week here at IvyGate, and the biggest highlight by far hit at 12:41 p.m. Friday: comment No. 100. Noisemaker sound effect!

We love you! Each and every one of you! Except the ones we don't. But more on that elsewhere -- right now, we just want to bring a few people up on stage:

• "Dude, my mom was addicted to crack. Party foul." The funniest all week, hands down. Congratulations, Mr. ... um, fuck, Anonymous. Identify yourselves, people, amusingly!
• "Breaking: Lamont's daughter sits near alcoholic beverage. Of course its satire you morons." Way to get our back, brah.
• "hey! that's not very nice," by "salty dog saloon."  You kids today and your meta ...
• The bizarre scooter tangent found here. We were prepared to go some weird places when we started IvyGate. We were not prepared to go to the Oklahoma Palliative Care Resources Blog.
• "I'd suggest that her handlers advise her to skip a few sessions of cardio and instead cozy up with Strunk & White," and all 474 words in the rest of Peter S.'s frightening comment -- which he took care to post TWICE, on both our items about Marisha Pessl.

We likey. Keep it up, guys.

First, you gotta read our post one minute from now on how the vast majority of the comments so far have been just awesome. Some other stuff, though, we want to get after -- hard. A few blogs (see: Deadspin; the Bwog) are known for having hilarious and civil comments sections that make the sites much more entertaining than they ever could have been on their own. Others (see: Internet, the entire) are ugly and festering. This site is young enough to go in either direction. We have a choice to make.

Whoever called a girl we posted about a "total slut" -- why do you think it's cool to be an asshole?  Whoever wrote this tumor -- why do you think it's cool to be an asshole? Theoretically -- theoretically! -- Ivygoers are better than that. Look, we're the biggest fans around of tearing people and things down ... but do it with a cutting remark, not ugliness.

Uh oh, did we just kill the buzz up in here? No! Er ... ahm ... desperate ... Hey, didja get a load of this subway breakdancer from Penn?