Well, we've all suspected it for some time, but now we have it directly from the horse's mouth: IvyGate founding co-editor Chris Beam is a Republican operative intent on destroying the reputation of America's Greatest Hope for Survival.

Beam, who is a Columbia grad, has a prominently placed item at Slate today in which he claims responsibility for widely circulating the phrase "terrorist fist jab" as a possible interpretation for the fist-bump shared between Barack and Michelle Obama on the night that Obama clinched the Democratic nomination. Like so many things in our Internet-crazed lives, it seems that the trouble originated in an anonymous comment on a website:

The morning after Obama locked up the nomination, I was writing a "Trailhead" item that mocked the media's difficulty in figuring out what to call the now famous gesture. "Fist-pound," "knuckle-bump," and "fist-to-fist thumbs up" were among the funnier examples, but one of them—"Hezbollah-style fist jab"—was particularly risible. It came from the Web site for Human Events, a hard-right weekly. Unfortunately, I failed to note that its provenance was not the magazine itself but a reader comment posted below an unrelated column by Cal Thomas. I linked the phrase to the column but didn't explain that the words weren't Thomas'

A couple miscommunications later and the phrase ended up on Fox News, causing a great deal of hand-wringing about how low the Republicans are willing to go to paint Obama as a the scary "other."

As usual, the left has proven that the only thing more dangerous than the vast right-wing conspiracy is the vast left-wing ability to fuck itself over unnecessarily. Beam's confession coincides with day 3 of the mass hysteria provoked by the cover of the latest New Yorker, which depcits Barack in traditional Muslim garb terrorist fist-jabbing a machine-gun toting Michele while an American flag burns in the fireplace. The cover has led to cries of umbrage from Obama's camp, a great deal of shouting on cable news, and mumblings of "Didn't New Yorker covers used to be funny?" from sane people.

Meanwhile, real terrorists killed more real people, but I'm not sure how you make that into a cartoon. Oh, right.

IvyGate idol and editor emeritus Chris Beam will appear on Comedy Central's Colbert Report tonight at 11:30ET. Now that he's flown the IvyGate coop, Chris co-authors Slate.com's Trailhead campaign blog, because apparently choosing America's next president is more important to him than Ivy League sex jokes. Pssht. The main guest will be National Review diarist David Frum but, like, whatevs. Everyone's going to be too busy swooning over Babyface Beam to pay attention to a guy who looks like this. Television is justice.

Chris and Nick will be "available" today at noon on the WashPo's website to discuss their scintillating op/ed in Sunday's edition of that paper, which we definitely did not skim. Hurry and submit awkward/uncomfortable questions for them to answer. Make them work for it.

UPDATED: The session is now concluded. Here was my favorite exchange:

Sanaa, Yemen: Hi guys. Love the blog!

I was considering applying to some of America's Ivy League universities (once my visa comes through, Insha'Allah!), but your column is causing me to reconsider. Basically, I'm looking for strong academics, and the opportunities for some new experiences.

My question: Among America's best academies, where is your column least true?

Nick Summers: Hi, thanks! Good luck with your visa. I would apply to Wellesley and major in anything other than studio arts.

After the jump -- Insha'Allah! -- the full transcript. 

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Let's cut to the chase. After the jump: IvyGate editors emeriti Nick Summers' and Chris Beam's feature, "College Sex: Going Home Alone," from today's Washington Post. It's mostly about Hot Pockets.

No new pictures of Casper at the moment. Sorry to the lady and gay men commenters.

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Prime your Google Readers:

For this Sunday's Washington Post, IvyGate founders/editors emeriti/slavedrivers Nick Summers and Chris Beam have penned an op-ed both wistful and erotic. As the screen grab shows, we've got a title confirmed, "Going Home Alone," but the tracklist has yet to leak. It will appear in the Post's Outlook section -- the poor man's Week In Review -- awkwardly near George Will's weekly socio-political history lesson. Then they'll discuss the article in a washingtonpost.com session Monday at noon ET. All this is to say that by Monday around 1 p.m., we'll know Nick and Chris' sexual histories very well.

Check into IvyGate Sunday for the official op-ed reception. This means we'll sloppily post the op-ed, and Nick and Chris probably won't answer your questions. Instead they'll sit back and watch as commenters somehow start debating whether Barnard is part of Columbia within half an hour. "Well tut tut and fiddle-dee-fum," they'll muse, a bittersweet raspiness cloaking their aged voices. "How we do miss the commenters at IvyGate."

And if that's not enough, we'll try to post more hot pictures of Casper (by popular demand) with Nick and Chris' op-ed. Nothing has ever been as important as this upcoming blockbuster post. Eh, maybe this.