Bruce Willis’ Brunonian Daughter Asks Permission to Dispense Donuts in the Buff

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore have a daughter at Brown. Her name is Scout. And on occasion she may or may not dish out pastries to library patrons. Naked.

While her siblings — Rumer, Tallulah, Blather, Bonzai and Fusty Willis — reside in La La Land doing something I don’t particularly care about, dear Scout is in Providence talking to the Brown Daily Herald about Tradition.

Tradition in this case refers to the Naked Donut Run, a semesterly romp through Brown’s libraries wherein unclothed participants give donuts those students furiously studying for finals. We reported on the run this past December when it very nearly saw its demise — as nefarious security guards demanded that the disrobed Brunonians put on a damn parka or something.

Anyway, the Brown Daily Herald says that this semester’s Donut Run will go on as planned. Joy.

We’re more interested, however, in the quote buried at the bottom of the article:

Scout Willis ’13, who participated in last spring’s Naked Donut Run, called it “a long-standing Brown tradition.” Because the run takes place in private University buildings, she said she felt it was “for the Brown authorities to decide what’s appropriate regarding nudity.”

 For the authorities to decide?! How did Bruce and Demi’s progeny become such a square? Would John McClain ask, “Why hullo there, Hans. Can I shoot you in the chest, please?” Of course not. That would be stupid.

So why is Scout asking? Aren’t Brown students supposed to reject that status quo or whatever? (Or am I mixing that up with their proclivity for not getting jobs.) This reeks of conformity. Jeez.