Harvard, in the midst of financial meltdown and machete attack, is in a rebuilding year for its sexy–and is relying on JT himself to bring it back.  Hasty Pudding, Harvard’s ancient theatrical society, has named Justin Timberlake the recipient of its “Man of the Year” award.  Calling him “one of pop culture’s most influential entertainers,” The Pudding put Timberlake in a vaunted echelon that includes everyone’s favorite stoner James Franco (last year’s winner) and everyone’s favorite psychiatry denier, Tom Cruise (1994), a rare honor for a performer not known for his acting.

Timberlake’s entertainment career began as in The Mickey Mouse Club with future lover and tear-inducer Britney Spears and took off meteorically as a tween-cardiac-arrest-inducing member of the boy band N’ SYNC.  But perhaps he is best remembered for his three-step process for the best Christmas gift of uniquely boxed genitalia. Not quite James Franco’s performance in Milk, but we’ll take it!

Cybill Shepherd isn’t just the star of Taxi Driver and a successful internet entrepreneur — and Elvis’s ex! — she also raised a Quaker who is maybe a criminal! Penn’s Under the Button, among other sources, reports 22-year-old Cyrus “Zack” Shepherd-Oppenheim, an undeclared crypto-senior [search "Shepherd-Oppenheim" and fall into an abyss of mystery]?, was arrested at Philadelphia International Airport after a flight back to school from San Francisco.

Weirdly, Shepherd-Oppenheim — can we call you Cybill Jr.? — is alleged to have stashed contraband in the plane’s restroom, after he stole various items from sleeping passengers’ carryons. That restroom, according to the scare-quote-y Daily Pennsylvanian included “money, a digital camera, paperwork and ‘travel folders.’” Maybe the folders included Susan Finkelstein’s Phillies spring training agenda? Either way, the passengers who were not asleep noticed Shepherd-Oppenheim’s night moves, because duh, and tipped off the flight crew.

According to the Pennsylvanian, Shepherd-Oppenheim is currently awaiting a court date in Philadelphia; hopefully it won’t affect his new semester, and his eventual declaration of a major. Maybe from now on he can just steal scarves and computers from the library, like normal Ivy League students.

Adopting foreign babies against their parents’ wishes is so aus. Acquiring advanced degrees is what’s in. So to make up for five years out of the spotlight, Ashley Judd is doing just that. It turns out the starlet hasn’t made a memorable movie since Double Jeopardy a decade ago because she’s been busy saving the world from HIV/AIDS and using her hands as a bra.

To certify that she is capable of doing the former professionally, Ms. Judd just enrolled in Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government for its Mid-Career Master in Public Administration (MC/MPA). Should she actually graduate, Judd will join such notable alumni as Mexican President Felipe Calderon, Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, Mongolian President Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj, and Bill O’Reilly.

Seeing as most of her recent movies have either been released abroad or are just weird, it’s a perfect time for some retraining at the best university in the country. In your eye of newt, Emma Watson.

Here’s the important bit from Emma Watson’s interview in Paste Magazine.

Paste: You are off to University in the autumn.

Watson: I am—to Brown, which is an Ivy League establishment in the U.S.A. I’ve got a place there to read literature.

Nailed it! Take that Daily Mail and NY Daily News! We laugh at your claims of her attending Columbia. She’ll attend Columbia when we get tired of writing about her: Never!

Barely legal hottie Emma Watson (aka Hermione Granger, aka Harry Potter’s First Boner, in the movies about the kid whose penis is now available for public viewing on Broadway) toured Harvard yesterday and is now wandering the street of New Haven, according to students who spotted her this morning:

Saw her walking around with one of the head tour guides, and now she’s in the admissions office having an interview. Once I muster the courage (read: creepyness), I’ll take pictures from the bushes or save her from being run over by a bus or something.

In the absence of Miss Watson, Harvard has been entertaining a handful of other celebrities. An operative informs us:

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore are currently at Harvard as well. Rumor has it that one of Demi’s daughters is looking to apply. And also JoJo was here like two weekends ago I’m just learning. As opposed to Emma and Demi’s daughter, she came just to party (allegedly) and was sighted at a couple final clubs.

Eh, who cares about Rumer or Bristol or whoeverthehell Ashton is awkwardly fathering these days. Let’s obsess about Hermione Granger a little more. Since Emma’s Grand College Tour appears to be heading south, we predict a Columbia appearance tomorrow (plus partying in NYC for the weekend?) and Princeton next week. Squeal!

Budding paparazzi, get your shutters ready. Next time, we want pictures.

Elite upper education is the new black. Or, more accurately, it’s the new Bratz doll, with tarted-up student heroines taking over the chick lit shelf and associated mascara-wearing media.  It all started when Gilmore Girls‘ Rory went to Yale.  Or when Curtis Sittenfeld’s Groton-inspired novel, Prep, hit the bestseller list.  It could have ended with Kaavya’s plagiarism scandal, but the ensuing discussion of stressed-out, too-pressured teens (and hints at an unabashed sense of entitlement) is all part of the Ivy League mystique that is so-hot-right-now.  And so the paperback-craving masses continue to demand CVs with their fiction.

Enter Diana Peterfreund, Yale ‘01, Geology/Literature double major and certified hottie (her swelling bosom appears on several romance novel covers), author of the work-in-progress Secret Society Girl series, chronicling the plight of a smart, sassy “Eli University” student tapped by ultra-intimidating secret society “Rose & Grave.”  Two SSG novels are in stores now; a third is on the way.

There’s a one-to-one correlation between reality and Peterfreund’s fiction, right down the last roman numeral behind each Digger’s (as R&G members are known) name.  Crib sheet including excerpts and a couple spoilers, after the jump.
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When we got wind of this item, we knew right away that like Young Simba, we weren’t up to the task. So we called in an expert: bona fide girl Anna Lindow, Columbia ‘08.

As if the triumphant return of Hansonbop wasn’t enough, more ’90s tween idols lurk in the darkness of the Ivy League. Specifically: after a recent stint at Harvard, a wizened incarnation of Jonathan Taylor Thomas has been found roaming Barnard’s campus at Columbia. The former hottie/star of such classics as “Man of The House” (the one featuring Chevy Chase/inappropriate Native American references) and “The Lion King,” JTT is now a rheumatic 26 years old, and he seems to have dropped his stage name. Passing by Barnard Hall on a Monday or Wednesday afternoon, you may catch a glimpse of “Jonathan Taylor Weiss,” or, as we like to call him, The Ghost of Home Improvements Past.

If, like me, you thought Randy Taylor’s mushroom cut was the pinnacle of prepubescent eroticism (sigh), used back issues of Tiger Beat as locker wallpaper (you’re not alone), and are still waiting for him to write back to your nine-page mash notes — there’s still hope! Apparently everyone’s favorite flannel-shirt-wearing troublemaker never learned the wonders of the internet and has failed to remove himself from Columbia’s public directory. Or maybe he simply didn’t do the math — us Tiger Beat diehards are now just about the age to be in college. At Columbia. Stalking Tom Sawyer — I mean, Jonathan Taylor Weiss. Send e-fanmail to jtw2112@columbia.edu.

The politician offspring Facebook page: putting bread on the blogger’s table since 2004. There was John Frist, then-Senate Majority Leader Bill’s son, and his love of Natty Light-stocked utility belts. There was Bob Corker’s daughter and her love of other women. But nothing can compare to this, the Holy Grail of political spawn on the Web: Barbara Bush has a Facebook page.

Or, if you prefer, the naked-party-attending, fake-ID-using, triple-fist-tailgating, luscious lush of a first daughter has a Facebook page, and we need to see it.

She’s listed in the Yale and New York networks as “Barbara B,” but only existing friends can click through. Surely, one of you has penetrated this elite circle and will sell her out for the thanks of a grateful, fiending nation. E-mail screen grabs to our tip line, and we’ll take care of the rest. Others: friend request, friend request, friend request. Together, we can shatter what few token shards of young person normalcy Babs has left. Or just make her feel very, very popular.

Spotted at Saturday’s Yale-Princeton game in New Haven: Barbara Bush ‘04, in top form. A stalker tipster writes in with exclusive pics:

Babs, recently back from lounging on the beaches of South Africa, er, I mean, kissing HIV orphans, strolling around the student tailgate in a tunic dress, tights, knee-high boots (dark sunglasses, natch) with on-again boyfriend Jay Blount (Yale ‘05), chain-smoking at the SigEp tailgate with a red cup in her back pocket and a drink always in her hand, surrounded by drooling Republicans and Thetas.

Maybe we’re just not familiar with “tunic dresses,” but take a closer look at that back pocket technique. Extraordinary! That’s true Bush-caliber commitment to drinking.

Uh, make that “A Sorta Ivy Halloween” — we have an angle here, we swear! The pics in this collection are from the Facebook account of Chris Brady, Yale ‘05, the grandson of former Treasury secretary Nicholas F. Brady ‘52. Chris is a true blueblood (FB groups include “There’s a Yale Building Named After Me” and “1st Team All-FarHills Steeplechase”), and he parties accordingly. That’s Michelle “Harriet the Spy” Trachtenberg at right with Lydia Hearst-Shaw (Ford model, daughter of Patty Hearst, heir to the Hearst publishing fortune, and vampiric breast enthusiast), hanging out with Chris at New York’s Bungalow 8 the other night.

More pics after the jump, including one absolutely astounding shot of Michelle’s tongue.

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