Sometimes the most terrifying stories come to us from random bloggers with police scanners. (<3 internet <3)

At around 5:30pm yesterday, Cambridge police sent out a somewhat worrying dispatch from Harvard Square:

“He is armed with a machete, so use caution.”

You heard that right: Harvard is ringing in the new semester with a scene straight out of Halloween. As we’re guessing this guy probably isn’t clearing brush or participating in a Central African rebellion, the best policy now is probably caution. Stay on the lookout for:

“a white man, between 16-17 years old, 6 feet tall, with blond hair and a black jacket with white stripes.”

Oh, the youth of today… with their violent video-games, hip-hop music, Lady Gaga and machetes. Where did we go so wrong?

In all seriousness, stay safe Cantabs. We don’t want any of you to end up macheted (you provide us with far too much material). Steer clear of The Pit, Brattle Street, and Harvard Yard–where police are making the rounds–and, as the helpful cops suggest, “keep an eye out.”

As of now, we can only guess at the identity of the vagrant. We just hope it’s not an enraged Crimson Staffer going postal. Or worse, Lena Chen, back for revenge. Good God, what if it’s Henry Louis Gates, taking down whitey once and for all??? Where’s a cop to act stupidly when you need him?

Just saying: New Haven seems pretty cozy right now.

What with some members of Boston area police departments busy arresting innocent black professors, not apologizing, getting suspended for penning racist e-mails about said incident, and having beers with the President there doesn’t seem to be much time left in the day to investigate the deadly shooting that occurred in May in Harvard’s Kirkland House.

One suspect, Jabrai Copney, turned himself in shortly after the shooting, but it took the NYPD to bring in the other two alleged murderers. Blayn “Bliz” Jiggetts was arrested in June, and according to The Crimson they placed Jason Aquino under arrest on a Massachusetts warrant just yesterday.

Copney recently pled not guilty to all five charges he is facing in connection with the death of alleged Cambridge drug dealer Justin Cosby, who died shortly after what the Middlesex DA described as a failed drug robbery.  The other two suspects are in New York jail awaiting extradition. Case closed. The arrest scoreboard now stands at Cambridge police 0, NYPD 2, criminals 1, Harvard 1 expulsion. It’s probably safe to say it hasn’t been a good summer for the Cambridge police.