• Brown: Snoop Dogg, MGMT to perform at Spring Weekend — jealous! Although we hear MGMT’s new album is dreadful :-(
• Columbia: Fifteen years of renovations, and Butler Library is still something out of a Bosch painting this time of year.
• Cornell: “Cornell Law School: Ever Heard of It?”
• Penn: Tom Green could win an Oscar and a Nobel, and his obituary would begin with that “My bum” song.

• Brown: Mayoral candidate banned from campus after “tossing pro-life video” — only in Providence, I guess?
• Columbia: Or maybe not only there: New York state politics — it just keeps getting better!
• Dartmouth: Senior starts his political career really early, hoping to become either Chris Young or Charles Rangel, depending.
• Harvard: Extra! Extra! Rich people, or students, or something, should spend more money, because that’s “honest”!
• Princeton: “This is the first in a three-part series on careers in investment banking and consulting.”

• Brown: “Brown Dining Services’ new Club Plan meal option, which allows seniors to enjoy gourmet food at the Faculty Club, kicked off this year and attracted four subscribers.”
• Columbia: This blurb on an Italian restaurant has — so far! — 51 comments. Welcome to the internet, Spectrum!
• Cornell: “Wind turbines. PRETTY WIND TURBINES.” -Cornell Daily Sun
• Harvard: Faust indicates that she is literally the opposite of Larry Summers — like, if they were in the same room, the room would explode.
• Princeton: The image accompanying this article, of a Princeton girl buying Cheerios at the supermarket in lieu of an eating club is poignant. Very penultimate-scene-of-Hurt Locker. It’s after the jump!

Read the rest of this entry »

• Princeton: You get a Kindle! You get a Kindle! Everybody gets a Kindle!… and they won’t help you study.
• Brown: You may get Rashid Khalidi for a lecture, Brown, but Columbia gets him every day.
• Harvard: Famous figure skater makes her classmates feel even more inadequate.
• Dartmouth: You guys, distribution requirements are really hard to complete!
• Yale: “[The vegan options] take room away from other food that tastes better,” says the whiniest Yale undergraduate in the world.

This is the fifth installment of a series studying the persona of each Ivy League president—their bank accounts, their haircuts, and the extent to which they’re known and loved. I’ll be covering each president one by one, in order of who gets the most green for tending to the Ivy. Here’s Brown President Ruth Simmons—part time T.V. star, full time woman.

Ruth Simmons is a whole lotta woman.

For one thing, she used to be the president of Smith College, which is woman central in more ways than one. After having been named Newsweek’s “Ms. Woman of the Year” and Time’s best college president in America, the size of her stardom can easily be classified as double-D. I mean, this glamorous lady is BFF-status with India.Arie, with whom she shares the quality of not being the average girl from your video.

Simmons appeared with Arie at this year’s BET Honors—“looking absolutely radiant in a stunning and sexy black dress (64 and sexy? You show ‘em, Ruth!)”—and elbow rubbing with P. Diddy, Queen Latifah, and Whitney Houston. She also picked up an award for her achievements as an educator, including becoming the first African-American president of an Ivy League School.

But by no means is that the first time she’s been on T.V. She channel changes from CNN to the Tavis Smiley Show. And Brown students stay tuned in. As the Brown Herald reported:

“She is famous—you can see her on TV. I am proud…”

Indeed, Simmons has garnered the overwhelming affection of Brown’s students, who describe her as “a power woman,” “the greatest person in the world,” and “reminds me of my grandma.”

Read the rest of this entry »

• Princeton students get bloggy, observant, and frustrated—“Today, Princeton has a $12.6 billion endowment, and the foosball table in Forbes is being held together by 2 plastic pens. FML.”
• Brown seeks volunteers for “piloting boats, tending the fires, selling merchandise.”
• Yale encourages eating Fritos in the library by rendering fines fiction.
• At casino night, Columbia students rolle dice for the dough, fedoras fly.
• Harvard dominates in the Rice and Bean Pot Burrito Eating Contest.
• Italians come to Dartmouth, get “very involved with the Italian club.”
• Penn students meet the internet, “About five clicks in, I see a screenful of penis all up in my grill.”

• Brown: Which is easier, a fatwa joke or a Padma Lakshmi joke? Or a greatest-living-novelist-maybe can be reduced to two memes joke?
• Cornell: Chief Investment Officer chooses perfect time to resign.
• Princeton: Money has been saved, but no more printing out your own personal copies of Tristram Shandy.
• Harvard: “Communism has been reduced to a losing strategy, from the day we can say ‘free parking’ or ‘go to jail.’“
• Dartmouth: Wait, Hanover has FOOD now? Major step up!

• Yale: “I’m That Girl. You know, the kind who wants attention and seeks to get it by reciting past ’scandalous’ indiscretions. Sound familiar? Yep, that’s me! Me! Listen to me!”
• Cornell: Okay, this was for a good cause, but the Kiss-In took place on Ho Plaza?
• Columbia: An intern interns.
• Brown: Simmons bails out of Goldman Sachs.
• Penn: Sorority members to become “twins.” Good thing they’re all identical anyway!

Your IvyGate editors were stuck in a snowdrift yesterday, and will be really busy this morning, so here is a RagTime designed to catch you up on news you missed. Get it while it’s lukewarm!

• Brown: Confidential to non-Ivy students reading this blog — you can transfer to Brown, like, really easily! And then take whateeeever you want.
• Columbia: “LionPAC calls itself “Columbia University’s pro-Israel public affairs committee” rather than a lobby group, though it does go on a lobbying mission to Congress every year. Spectator regrets the error.” Congratulations on the most unnecessary correction ever, Spectator!
• Cornell: Congratulations on the most decontextualized image ever, Sun! [This time we mean it.]
• Harvard: Exxon on the Charles! Just one more reason why Boston is the worst city in America. [This is a meme, we're starting it, and you can't stop us.]
• Yale: This poignant article made us think about people different from ourselves! STRONGLY RECOMMEND.

• Brown: If there’s one thing that will prepare you for a classroom full of rowdy ten-year-olds, it’s four years at Brown!
• Columbia: Student group to ensure all coverage is fair, but especially fair to Israel.
• Penn: SNOW DAY! SNOW DAY!
• Princeton: Okay, now we’re getting jealous.
• Harvard: David Souter to emerge from his hobbit-hole, speak at Commencement, then will return home, by getting into a time machine that will take him back to 1852.