Drinking beer was practically an art form at Dartmouth already, but props to art studio intern Max Heiges for taking it to the next level.

The Dartmouth alum has built a towering, precariously balanced sculpture made out of beer cans and chairs in Dartmouth’s Barrows Rotunda. He’s calling it “The Juggler,” although every frat boy on campus would probably recognize it as “Last Friday at Around 2am.”

Said Heiges in an interview with The Dartmouth:

I thought the precarious balance would catch people’s attention, and the cans provided a sound structural element to the piece,” Heiges said. “And I like beer. I like Keystone.”

Gamma Delta Chi generously supplied the cans. God bless fraternities and their philanthropic contributions to the field of conceptual art.

If all goes well, Heiges could set an interesting precedent here. Just imagine: it’s 5am, and you’re sitting on your smelly futon, surrounded by empty beer cans and watching a rerun of Everybody Loves Raymond. (Does anyone actually love Raymond?) Now imagine your fifty empty cans of Natty Light have been repurposed as an abstract art version of the Parthenon/the Grand Canyon/the spaceship from Independence Day/John McCain’s bald spot. Is there any better incentive to clean up your shit?

Meanwhile, Heiges, who unsurprisingly didn’t respond to requests for comment, gave this interpretation of his balancing act:

After a pause, Heighes added that there was one message to his work.

“Nobody rages anymore,” he said.

You can always count on a Dartmouth student to get philosophical about raging. Let’s hope that stacking beer cans will remind us what we love about getting fall-down drunk. At the very least, it’ll remind us what we love about Jenga.

Update: Heiges graciously provided us photographic evidence documenting his labor of love. Behold:

When not beating out Iowa City for the best college town, Ithaca can get a little dull during its down time. That might explain why a bunch of frat bros have created a new drinking game, now unfortunately available on YouTube. Produced by a vague “Society,” the video borderline Chef Tony infomercial details “Russian Roulette,” which consists of a frisbee, Solo cups, and Cornellians too sober to simply play beer pong or Kings (yes, we’re also wondering why everyone isn’t just piss drunk 24/7 in Ithaca).

After the jump, learn the rules!

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Recently, an email has been circulating around Yale ranking the attractiveness of 53 freshmen women. Titled “The Preseason Scouting Report,” it apparently ranks the women by how many beers guys would need to find each girl hot. (Go ahead and park the ambulances in front of Stiles to be on the safe side.)

IvyGate has been trying to track down the elusive email, but sources in New Haven have been hesitant to share the document, citing fear of negative consequences from university administration, who have not yet caught the perpetrator. According to a Yalie:

From: [redacted]@yale.edu
Subject: Re: Do you know where I can get this email?
Date: Tue, Sep 8, 2009 at 9:15 PM

Everyone I know who has it knows the author, who has expressed a desire to minimize proliferation at this point.  Less publicity might equal less punishment if/when he/they get caught. The university is pretty pissed because we’ve had a few very public cases of sexual harassment over the years (google: i love yale sluts) and I think they’re gonna crack down on this one.

If any Yalies want to share the misogynistic wealth, email IvyGate at tips@ivygateblog.com.

Leave it to CNN to find a new and charming tidbit on the single piece of summer Ivy League news everyone is already sick of hearing about. Apparently, Henry Louis Gates sent a bouquet of roses to neighbor Lucia Whalen as an “expression of gratitude” for calling the police, albeit mistakenly. Perhaps Gates felt a little guilty for all the racial and political brouhaha he and the Cambridge Police stirred up. After the incident, Whalen was accused by the media of racism and received multiple threats to her personal safety. At the recent press conference she held on July 29 to clarify what had been written in the police report, she defended herself by saying that she did not assume the two men in front of Gates’ house were black before she dialed 911. Cambridge Police spokesman Frank Pasquarello lauded Whalen for her actions:

She did the right thing. I applaud her. She did what we tell people to do: call when you see something suspicious. She did her civic duty.

Obama himself felt a little remorseful about the entire stupid situation, so–as everyone on and below Earth is aware of by now–he invited Gates and his arresting officer James Crowley to a beer summit at the White House last Thursday to promote better race relations. But perhaps in another poor act of judgment, Whalen remained the only person in the controversy uninvited to the reconciliation picnic hosted by the Commander-in-Chief. After being asked about the gathering, which has the entire American beer industry questioning its legitimacy/promoting their products, Whalen’s lawyer Wendy Murphy responded that her client “doesn’t like beer anyways.”

Is a gender discrimination debate heating up to add to the racial profiling fire?