A Cornell Student Pulled A Mike Tyson During Late Night Brawl Outside A Food Truck

A Cornell sophomore channeled everyone’s favorite face-tattooed boxer last night, allegedly biting the ear of another student during a fight, The Cornell Sun reports. The ear assault took place outside Louie’s Lunch, a food truck on Cornell’s North Campus, which was closed at the time.

It is unclear whether the nature of the assault biting and the location were coincidental, or the students just got a little too hungry and impatient. As one Sun commenter so perfectly put it, When Louie’s is closed, you’ve got to eat something.”

Mini Mike Tyson has been identified by The Sun as Conor Goetz, who was charged with assault in the third degree. If convicted, Goetz could face up to a year in prison.

Cornell Student Attacked; Racial Motive Suspected/Pretty Bloody Obvious

UPDATE (June 15th): In what is now old news, the perpetrator has been captured. His name is Viktor P. Nikulin, which is exactly the kind of name we expected him to have. He sounds like one of those “militiamen” who sits on a lawn chair at the border with a walkie-talkie and a gun, shouting racial epithets at anyone passing through the desert on the other side.

For more information, check out the Cornell Sun’s article here.

****************************************

We Ivy Leaguers like to have a go at each other occasionally. Alright, a lot. But 90 percent of the time, we’re actually friends … half the time. And when one part of the body is hurting, mama grizzlies attack, or however the saying goes.

Basically, when you mess with one of us, you’re really messing with all of us.

On the 5th of June, while most of us were lounging around pretending like we “chose” to not do internships this summer so that we could “work” on that “novel”, a Cornell University student (whose name has not been released) was getting hated on. Literally. The student, of Asian descent, was attacked after having ethnic slurs shouted at him. So the conclusion seems obvious: he was racially assaulted.

Details, courtesy of the Ithaca Journal:

An Asian male reported that he was riding his bicycle along College Avenue near the intersection with Campus Road when four individuals in a silver or white sedan yelled racial epithets at him, according to the university’s police. The sedan then followed the man, still on his bicycle, onto West Avenue where he dismounted from the bike. The vehicle stopped and two white men approached the cyclist, and one assaulted him.

The men got back into the sedan, fleeing northbound on West Avenue. Both witnesses and the complainant described the assailant as a shirtless white male who wore yellow basketball shorts. The driver of the sedan was described as a white female in a black dress and sunglasses. The fourth passenger was described only as a white male.

Straightforward–or it least it should be. The CoPo have asked the Tompkins County District Attorney’s Office if this act can be considered a hate crime. Our legal team here at IvyGate deliberated over this one for a while, coming up with the following conclusion: No shit, of course it is. Read the rest of this entry »