Today the D is publishing the fourth and final installment of Alex Howe's (D '08) insane story of actually being punished for commiting real crimes. Last time we saw Alex, the other inmates were joking that they were going to rape him. Or were they just joking about joking?

In case you missed them, here are the first, second, and third installments. 

Uh-oh, prison-gossip!

One fellow seemed at least a little retarded; the law has no shelter for the kind-of handicapped. He arrived a few days after I did, accompanied by an instant rumor: that he had joined our ranks for making love to a dog. Supposedly he had an accomplice, who was also with us, who had held the unhappy animal in place. The thing was, both of these luminaries claimed to have been the spotter, an apparent defense of character which struck me as equivalent to explaining that the canine tryst was not consummated, but "we did everything else." In jail, as in life, at least you aren't the guy who screwed a dog.

True that. 

After the jump -- more prison-wisdom.

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Great news -- today The D is carrying the third installment from Alex Howe's (D '08) epic tale of irresponsible behavior and dangerous intoxication. Last week he blacked out, burglarized a grocery store, and was charged with a felony. This week he goes to jail. Here are some quotes:

Not going into a coma became even more difficult when I heard a chorus of shouts from the inmates all around me.

"Hey, it's the new guy! We're gonna gang-rape him!"

"It's a new guy! I'm gonna f*ck him in the asshole!"

"Hey! A new guy! I'm gonna make him give me a blowjob!"

 

Listening to the conversations around me, I often felt like I was in Rap World: denunciations of "snitches" and "rats" were commonplace.

After the jump -- the third installment (1 2) in the series. And there's more to come!

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The D is like the little Ivy Daily that could. First, there was their peerless police blotter, then the whole cunnilingus affair, and now comes this thrilling narrative of crime and redemption sans redemption.

Technically, we already linked to Alex Howe's (D '08) article in Ragtime last week, but it was so good we decided it deserved a post of its own. Here's a representative excerpt from what I am calling a tour de force of drunken travelogue:

"On my way out, I saw two things I liked and took them with me: two bottles of $9.95 red wine and the Sunday New York Times. After I found the back door and fumblingly unlocked it, I stumbled into the New Hampshire night with wine in each hand and the Times in my armpit, bleeding onto my nicest clothes."

Bravissimo! We eagerly look forward to the next installment. 

After the jump -- the article in full.

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