Drinks are on us: the Hanover Police just pulled a 180, agreeing to delay their fascistic frat infiltration scheme. H-Po’s flip-flop/newfound epiphany was oh-so-rationally explained by everyone’s favorite power-tripping Police Chief, Nicolas “Wiggum” Giaconne:

From the statements made in recent days, it is clear that the Greek Leadership Council and other involved student groups also share this goal and are committed to working energetically to achieve harm reduction.

We have decidedly less amicable explanations. An intense outpouring of student rage for one, strong arguments made to the popo’s bosses at the Hanover Select Board meeting, and threats of mass student residency-conversion. That is, Dartmouthians invading the town, with voting rights in hand. That would scare Michael Chiklis, let only Giaconne.

Questions remain… Is the espionage scheme dead for good, or might it make an obnoxious return? Will frats and sororities continue to ID all partygoers? What’s in this drink?

In any case, we tip our hats to you, Dartmouth. You fought the law, and you won. Hope we helped with the resistance effort, and thanks for all the tips.

Now, let’s all get wasted.

More on the great Dartmouth alcohol crackdown front… As we write, pissed off and incredibly sober undergrads are flocking to the Hanover Municipal Building, petitioning town leaders to keep the pesky police in check, and out of their frat-houses. To plan the uprising, The GLC, Coed Council, IFC, and Panhell blitzed the entire campus, while the Class of 2013 President targeted freshmen directly. Their trump card? Have the student body register as Hanover residents, in order to apply political pressure. This little town may soon find itself taken over from within; a coup de’booze, as it were. Read both emails–and plot your very own town takeover–after the jump. The revolution will not be televised.

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When it rains, it pours. Dartmouth better brace itself for a real, non-lame student uprising. In the few hours since the sting operation announcement, Dartmouth chat board boredatbaker.com has exploded with anti-police vitriol and mobilization schemes. Check it out: the posts are flooding in as we write. Some highlights:

like if this shit is enforced, it’s over. dartmouth social life as we know it is over.

a frat brother needs to apply to be a sting agent to infiltrate the operation, learn the rules, and see how its done

FUCK THE PO-LICE. I forsee a student uprising so big it’ll make the 7 years war look like a bar fight. And I bet Chief Nick Giaccone can barely hide his boner when talking about the proposed ’sting operation.’ Seriously dude youre up against a bunch of drunk teenagers not the mafia.

I GOT PEANUT BUTTER ON MY DICK!!!!!!!!!

Mature dialogue indeed. Then again, lots of posters are reminding us that the traditional Dartmouth shitshow Winter Carnival is coming up. Great timing, popo.

In the meantime, the Facebook group “Students Against Hanover Police Alcohol Policy” has shot up to 655 980 1792 members (42% of the undergraduate population), and is gaining by the second. The group puts two-and-two together:

This would, in effect, close down the frats into strictly members only events, and there would cease to be open parties or even open front doors on any night of the week.

Finally, Dartmouthians internet-over are resorting to the ultimate trump card: Police Chief Nicholas Giaccone’s contact info, lovingly reproduced below.

PoliceChief@hanovernh.org, Nicholas Giaccone, Barnard Road, Grantham NH, 603 863 8375

Do with that what you will, Dartmouth, and keep checking back here for continued coverage. Thanks for the tips. We’re with you in spirit; though, for now, not “spirits.” We don’t want to end up in jail.

Remember that whole drinking-age-of-21 thing we have here in the US? You know… absurd, internationally-unprecedented, and more to blame for binge drinking and drunk driving than testosterone and Grand Theft Auto put together?

Well apparently, in the wake of three poisoned freshmen at Pike, the Hanover Police do. After an intense meeting with Greek organization leaders and other concerned Dartmouthians, the fuzz has just announced that they will begin “sting operations,” as part of an ongoing campaign to stamp out illegal alcohol consumption on campus. How? Espionage. Really:

As part of the compliance checks, Hanover Police plans to send non-police operatives posing as underage individuals into Greek organizations’ physical plants during parties to see if they are able to procure alcohol, he said. Hanover Police could then use the information as cause to arrest individuals or bring further legal action against Greek organizations.

Essentially, that cutie you were trying to bed at the PhiDelt-post-renovation-party could turn out to be a glock-packing snitch; rather than buzzed and laid, you’ll end up in a 5-by-5 cell. Repercussions of the new Mission-Impossible infiltration scheme will be even harsher for the frats themselves. 100 G’s harsher:

Greek organizations can be tried as corporations, and can be charged with reckless conduct, a felony-level fine, for providing alcohol to those underage…With evidence that Greek organizations are supplying underage individuals with alcohol, the organization can be fined from $2,000 for a misdemeanor to $100,000 for a felony.

Naturally, this new police policy is incredibly stupid. Even more naturally, the Dartmouth campus is in uproar, with students, alumni, and faculty alike protesting in droves. John Alekna ‘10, president of the recently immolated Phi Delt, hits the nail on the head:

This will drive drinking underground.

Alumni Joe Asch ‘79 is the coolest 52-year-old we know:

How does this help kids deal with over-consumption? This will make kids hide, they’re not going to stop.

The Hanover Police playing spy novel in an errant attempt to suck all the remaining life out of Dartmouth’s campus: irresponsible and counterproductive to be sure. But unexpected? Nah. Dartmouth already leads the League in unnecessary alcohol-related arrests:

“To protect and serve,” eh?

Read on after the jump for the full text of the police email, details from the portentous meeting, and implications for the Dartmouth social scene.

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Tipsters, we love you. Multiple sources–some connected to members of the Cornell Interfraternity Council–have confirmed that the fraternity responsible for three alcohol-poisoned freshmen and a police/administration crackdown is Pi Kappa Alpha, known on campus as Pike. The frat, founded in 1868–and which boasts such superstar alumni as Karl Rove, Charlie Crist, Tim McGraw, and not one, but two fried chicken magnates (KFC and Chick-Fil-A founders)–has a beautifully ironic mission statement:

Pi Kappa Alpha is dedicated to developing men of integrity, intellect, and high moral character and to fostering a truly lifelong fraternal experience.

“Truly fraternal” in the most liver-damaging, stomach-pumping sense, we assume. I wonder what these freshmen’s parents think… Oh, Pike has a site for that: A Parent’s Guide to Pi Kappa Alpha.

Pi Kappa Alpha recognizes the danger hazing poses for individuals and the detrimental effect hazing inherently has on organizations. Undergraduate delegates to numerous International Conventions have repeatedly adopted legislation denouncing hazing.

How reassuring. All that legislation must make them a feel a lot better about seeing their kid on an IV drip.

Despite their “integrity, intellect, and high moral character,” these bros are in a world of trouble. Sources at Cornell tell us that Pike won’t be allowed a pledge class this year, will remain on total social probation, and could be completely disbanded if all the brothers move out.

As ambivalent as we are about Greek life, IvyGate’s coverage of the dark side of Rush will lovingly continue. Frat-boys and sorority-girls: thanks for all the material. Tipsters: a thousand thanks, and looking forward to hearing more.

Turns out Greek Life rush isn’t all, fun, games and “pretty heels.” In the wee hours of the morning, IvyGate was forwarded an explosive email, sent by Eric Blair of the Cornell Interfraternity Council to all “potential fraternity members.” The Greek czar tells a twisted tale:

I am writing to provide you all with an update of events that occurred last night that resulted in a fraternity having their university recognition temporarily suspended. The suspension is in response to a recruitment event at the fraternity house that resulted in the hospitalization of three students due to alcohol poisoning.

Brotherhood, community, philanthropy, and life-threatening intoxication. Fun. But surprising? Who would have thought that a biyearly institution which corrals eager, tiny freshmen–most of whom never drank in high school, and have the alcohol tolerance of fieldmice–and subjects them to intense drinking bouts could have ill effects? And it’s not even pledge week yet. Irony:

The health and wellness of all individuals is a priority of the Greek system at all times.

Yeah, obviously. The Greek system is definitely up there with Community Health Educators and the Cornell Christian Fellowship. Nevertheless, the buzzkilling po-po and Cornell administration are coming down hard on these bros:

The Ithaca Police Department responded to the event as well and are currently investigating along with Cornell University Police.  This incident is being taken very seriously and will likely have repercussions that effect the entire system.  At this time the fraternity has been instructed to desist from all activities including recruitment.

Boom goes the dynamite. As of now, the identity of the tragic shuttered frat remains a mystery–all-knowing commenters and tipsters, make us wise.

And freshmen, be careful out there. PSA: you don’t have to subject yourself to all-male alcoholic bro-hazing and three years of being someone’s bitch in order to make friends at college. The allure of the Greek system is understandable; it often does a world of good. But when young’uns are being wheeled into the ICU, young women are mercilessly objectifying each other, and frats are coming under the hard fist of the law, it might be a good time to realign priorities.

Read the full Cornell Interfraternity Council email after the jump.

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When not beating out Iowa City for the best college town, Ithaca can get a little dull during its down time. That might explain why a bunch of frat bros have created a new drinking game, now unfortunately available on YouTube. Produced by a vague “Society,” the video borderline Chef Tony infomercial details “Russian Roulette,” which consists of a frisbee, Solo cups, and Cornellians too sober to simply play beer pong or Kings (yes, we’re also wondering why everyone isn’t just piss drunk 24/7 in Ithaca).

After the jump, learn the rules!

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Sigma Pi’s boozy rush party last Thanksgiving ended with four freshmen at Cayuga Medical Center and the revocation of the frat’s official recognition for what Cornell’s associate dean for Greek affairs called an “egregious” incident. Last Tuesday, the InterFraternity Council voted to allow Sigma Pi to return to campus on January 1st for a year-long probationary period as an associate member, on the condition of a dry rush.

In a controversial move, the decision will forgo the usual restrictions on returning frats that would exclude Sigma Pi from voting in the IFC and participating in rush week. 29 brothers remain on campus and have been pushing for their official return, but not everyone is convinced that they deserve it. After their presentation before the IFC, Sigma Alpha Mu President Ross Freilich ‘09 asked, “Why is the IFC responsible for creating sanctions for their recognition?… They came in expecting to get recognition without a plan to move forward from last November’s event.”
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I’ve long promulgated the “It’s not my fault, I was blacked out” argument. Princeton’s Thomas Kneeland might want to see if he can legally invoke this.

Kneeland, ‘10, was arrested last Friday and charged with felony assault after struggling with authorities and generally refusing to go to the hospital to have his drunkenness treated. The drama started at 11:40 pm, when campus police were called to Foulke Hall to help university first aid crews contain the belligerent Kneeland. What happened next is reported by the Star-Ledger:

Authorities were trying to take student Thomas Kneeland, 20, to a hospital, but he refused and allegedly unleashed an obscenity-laden struggle that included flailing and kicking and at one point hiding under his bed, police said.

During the struggle, Kneeland allegedly struck borough Patrol Officer James Dodd, police said.

Hiding under the bed, a classic if overused drunk escape maneuver. Kneeland reportedly continued to wreak havoc at the hospital, trying to bite a nurse and then grabbing her hand and “twist[ing] it very hard.” The nurse did not require medical attention.

Kneeland now faces felony assault charges for the attacks against Officer James Dodd and the nurse.

And so concludes another chapter of “Reasons to Not Drink Excessively.”

As today’s Ragtime notes, last summer in Rhode Island a man named Stanley Kubierowski was pulled over and arrested for drunk driving. What does this have to do with the Ivy League? Well, the man happened to be Brown President Ruth Simmons’ “former part-time house chef.”

But that’s not important in the least. What’s important is Kubierowski’s BAC at the time of arrest, as confirmed by multiple tests administered by those trained in such things: .49. Let me repeat that number, this time in italics, spelled out for dramatic effect, with ellipses all over the place, and capped by an exclamation point: his BAC was point…four….nine…!

This is simply unbelievable. Forget charging Kubierowski with any sort of crime. Give that man a medal for his Rasputin-like tolerance. According to some chart I found on Wikipedia, the only consequences listed for having a BAC over .4 are “Unconsciousness” and “Death.”

Of course, we shouldn’t get too caught up in the boozy-boosterism side of the story. There’s definitely a potentially tragic aspect here: God only knows what might have happened if Kubierowski had attempted to make Ruth Simmons a Caesar salad in that condition. Salmonella? You bet.