Last Thursday night, three Columbia frats connected to a recent drug ring investigation were notified that they were losing their brownstones and that their probation would continue for three years.

Ranging from cries of fratricide, vomit analogies (it is at least crafty), and requests for transparency, opinions and commentary have been abundant. However, while chatter always ceases, frat brothers are always roarin’ for rush. At least AEPi and Psi U is - Columbia’s Pi Kappa Alpha did not respond to IG’s request for a comment.

According to Noah Pryor,  Psi Upsilon president, 

 We were on social suspension and not allowed to recruit during the investigation, but with the decision that has been lifted, and we are commencing an abbreviated rush immediately.

AEPi rush chairs, Matthew Renick (GS/JTS ’13) and Tony Baker (CC’13) , clarified what their probation actually entails:

Probation means exactly what it sounds like. If the fraternity breaks any IFC/Columbia University rules while on probation, we will be hit with more severe punishments.  With regard to parties, the administration has, in addition to putting on us probation, placed us under social suspension, which means that we cannot throw parties or other social functions. Philanthropy, members-only events, brotherhood meetings, and intramural sports are still permitted.  

 Rush is not limited under this probation. We are still allowed to invite potential new members over to the house to hang out, to come out to local venues with us, and to play some old-fashioned wiffle ball on the lawns. The University does not have any significant oversight over rush activities, except for ensuring that we do not violate our social suspension.

It’s not entirely clear what it entails, I spoke with the director of Greek Life, Victoria Lopez-Herrera on Friday and they appear to still be ironing out the details. We are allowed to recruit, we’re not allowed to have open or pseudo-open parties/mixers (I don’t think), but we are allowed to have fraternity tutoring sessions, service, and philanthropy events. I can’t speak to what other fraternity probations have been like.

We’re prohibited from holding large parties at least, I’m not sure what other restrictions are in play. Provided it is allowed, which I believe it is, we’ll be having at least some rush events in the brownstone. I am seeking clarification on this from the dean tomorrow.

Follow the jump to find out about rush details…

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UPDATED: OK, we admit — we at IvyGate have been duped. The prank of the Harvard Lampoon has extended to us through the use of an anonymous tipster. (Which is why we remind you to tip responsibly.) Nevertheless, although the brothers of AEPi did not produce this hilarious e-mail, we are now even more amused by the cleverness of the Lampoon. Again our apologies, and the e-mail below:

From what we’ve learned in the New York governor’s race, dirty e-mails will not prevent you from getting nominated, but they don’t help you get elected either, especially when coupled with more than a few derogatory comments toward every minority group known to man.

It’s never too late to shed some light on how AEPi is keeping it classy at Harvard. A tipster forwarded us an e-mail detailing the rules for, drumroll please, Mystery Cock of the Week. Fondly known as, MCOW:

Dearest Brothers,

We come to you today with some exciting news: Mystery Cock of the Week (MCOW) has officially kicked off!

Q: What’s Mystery Cock of the Week?

A: Well, it’s quite simple really. Each week, an email will be sent containing…well… a photo of a mystery cock of a brother of Eta-Psi. Your task as a brotherhood is to correctly identify the owner of said cock. Every Friday at Chapter, the perpetrator will be made known. Feel free to use the list to discuss the cock and speculate its ownership.

Q: Where did this crazy idea come from?

A: It is widely known that many fraternities across the country, for example Delta Chi (DiX), employ MCOW as a method for bringing brothers closer together. What better way to know a brother than in the biblical sense.

Q: What are the rules?

A: Each week a cock will be photographed. This cock must be owned by an active brother of the Eta Psi Chapter of the Alpha Epsilon Pi Fraternity (e.g. <redacted> or <redacted> would be disallowed).

The owner must keep his identity hidden until chapter meetings on Friday, but he may contribute to the list discussion.

The cock owner, when photographed, is prohibited from pumping his cock more than 3 strokes. Erections are prohibited.

The photo must contain some piece of Harvard paraphernalia in order to ensure that brothers are not stealing cocks from google images.

Q: When is it my turn?

A: Don’t fret! Your turn will come! Names will be drawn from a hat on Saturday afternoon. Your photo must be submitted by 10:00pm on Sunday. MCOW emails will be sent out on Mondays at noon. This should be ample time for any preparations you may make to your cock, if need be.

Q: Any Gay Shit?

A: What do you think? Absolutely not.

Q: Should I open emails sent from mcow.eta.psi@gmail in class, at work, with my girlfriend, with my boyfriend, in the d-hall, with <redacted>, etc.?

A: Cock photos will be embedded into emails (not attached), so discretion is advised.

Q: Will my name be revealed to my corresponding cock in any manner besides verbally?

A: No, cocks will be deleted from the mcow gmail account. There will be no association to you either on the internet or elsewhere.

*IN NO WAY ARE YOU ALLOWED TO DISTRIBUTE COCKS TO ANY PERSONS WHATSOEVER. YOU ARE BOUND BY THE HONOR SYSTEM.*

Once again, welcome. And look out for the first cock at 12:00pm tomorrow.

Good Luck!

May the cock be with you,

MCOW

At the end of the day, one can only wonder about the full extent of these bros’ togetherness after this magnum opus.

So we’ll just say, “May the cock be with you,” brothers of AEPi.

IvyGate’s only advice is: If you’re going to keep this tomfoolery up, please don’t creep off the stage in the last few minutes of the debate in 2032.

At the end of the day, we’ll just have to accept our mistake through saying, “May the cock be with you.”

I was all set to write an update on the Princeton USG election (Weinberg/AEPi triumphs, nobody really cares) but then, wandering the Prince‘s website, I found this glorious gem, scans from a 1958 Princeton pamphlet entitled “Answers to Your Questions About the Admission of Princeton Sons.”

At a time when desegregation was the all the rage and Stanford neared a 2:1 male-to-female ratio, Old Nassau whispered sweet nothings into nepotistic alumni’s age-spotted ears: Worry not, ye rich and backwards-minded old people. Princeton holds your Y-chromosomed offspring to the absolute lowest of standards, now and forever!

And when it comes to low standards, boy, do those Princeton sons deliver:

Basically, this is a guide to George W. Bush’s life.

“Princeton Sons” goes on to answer such troubling questions as “Why don’t Princeton undergraduates look as glossy as they used to?” and “What about this business of ‘geographical spread’?” the latter of which defends Lawrenceville grads against uncivilized cowboys from uncouth and farflung territories like (shudder) Texas. In a weird way, this too seems to be about George W. Bush’s life.

The Prox has the whole pamphlet in its post, but we’ve got a very special IvyGate’s Guide to Princeton’s Legacy Admissions Guide, complete with PUSG tie-in, after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Today marks the final general voting day for Princeton’s Undergraduate Student Government elections, where an alleged criminal runs unopposed for President, upholding Princeton’s proud tradition of choosing the most offensively unfit humans possible for USG office. Soon-to-be-President Conor Diemand-Yauman stands accused of serving alcohol to minors, which, in the closed circuit of college life, is actually a campaign boon. In fact, it’s his platform! The Prince explains,

As USG president his first priority will be to address the discrepancy between the two policies [statutory vs. university-wide drinking regulations] and general lack of clarity as to the consequences for students who decide to seek medical attention for friends in need. … “If the way the Borough reacted to my situation is their typical response for all students, there is a definite problem, and I want to discuss this problem with them along with Princeton administrators to prevent possible consequences,” he said.

On the VP front, a shitstorm of 1AM emails and public call-outs have so thoroughly mucked the results that a re-vote has already been scheduled for later this week. It all started when, in a 1AM email to the entire student body, outgoing president Josh “Not Blackface” Weinstein endorsed his frat brother, Mike Weinberg, for VP. [ Pictured above: The brothers AEPi ] In the email, Weinstein said Weinberg was Diemand-Yauman’s fav candidate, too. But then Die-Y sends an email saying he would never endorse Weinberg, which means Weinstein is a lying liar! So Weinstein sends another email apologizing, but Die-Y says it’s not good enough, and then stuff gets really confusing, because everyone has the same two or three names. (Did you know the current VP’s name is Mike W., too?)

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