Arrests on charges of felony assault have finally been made in the New Year's Eve beatdown of a Yale a cappella group, but as per usual with this case, it only means there are more things that completely effing baffle us.

• First: it's been more than two months since the one-sided brawl. Given the many witness accounts and photo evidence of gruesome (though arousing) injuries, and the eye-rolling attention given the incident by FOX News -- they wanted to believe the kids were targeted for singing the national anthem -- that seems like an awful long time to fill out a warrant.
• Second: only local fortunate son Richard Aicardi (pictured, w/ bouffant; he's the one who apparently called in backup, announcing to his prey "This is the 415" and "I'm 20 deep, my boys are coming") and a second kid, one Brian Dwyer, have been charged, despite this being a group assault.
• Third: the charges only relate to injuries suffered by freshman Yalies William Bailey and Evan Gogel -- and not Sharyar Aziz, whose jaw was straight demolished.
• Fourth: Dick Aicardi is claiming he was acting in self defense.
• Fifth: the morass of fuckups listed in this San Francisco Chronicle column, including inexplicable confessions and botched witness identifications
  

Etc, etc. A cappella kids getting beat up: thank God there is the natural logic of that to fall back on.

Penn Masala, Penn's Hindi a cappella group, has produced a fairly amusing new music video about Facebook stalking. It has some frighteningly true-to-life moments (Seriously, who hasn't Photoshopped himself over a crush's boyfriend at some point?), plus the best pick-up line we've heard in a while: "I just want to add you."

But for a truly transcendent experience, you have to see the video for the song it parodies, Enrique Iglesias' "Hero." Because as usual, the least intentional humor wins. Take Enrique's watch cap -- it's a good thing he remembered that, out there in the blazing desert sun and all. We also enjoyed the part where he rubs down Jennifer Love Hewitt with handfuls of dollar bills (as if Nelly hadn't already explored that artistic ground in 2004's "Tip Drill"). Add Mickey Rourke and Mickey Rourke's aviators, JLH's gratuitously wet t-shirt, and Enrique's insistence on singing his last breath, and you realize why Penn Masala felt compelled to piggyback on the glory.

Allot yourself some time. These should really viewed as a double-feature:

Another a cappella concert, another bloody, bone-crunching battle royale. The details are shaky in most reports of this bizarre Ivy news from the West Coast, but it started after the Baker's Dozen, an all-male a cappella group from Yale, performed at a house party in San Francisco: As the singers were leaving, they were attacked by a group of young locals.

The idea of an a cappella showdown seems funny, until you realize these weren't sportsmanlike fisticuffs: at least one student had a concussion, and Sharyar Aziz '10 was rushed to New York for reconstructive surgery on his jaw. According to local ABC news, kids from the area -- including one Richard Aicardi, the son of a prominent doctor -- had started calling the singers "fags" during the party and saying "You're not welcome here." Allegedly, Aicardi then called in his friends, who proved to the world they could beat up a group of a cappella singers. The YDN reports:

Reno Rapagnani, the owner of the house in which the party took place, said the violence seemed to erupt over a dispute between two rival college preparatory schools, St. Ignatius and Sacred Heart. The party was hosted by Rapagnani's daughter Rose and Stephanie Soderborg '09, both St. Ignatius alumni. Graduates from Sacred Heart interrupted the event, harassing members of the Baker's Dozen for their formal dress and for the fact that they are not from San Francisco.

At least now we all know one thing: Dick Aicardi is hard, what with his moneyed pedigree, private school eduation, and ability to break a freshman troubador's jaw. Way to go, dude. The San Franciso police are supposedly investigating, after coming under fire for letting the assailants off. More on this as it comes in; for now, recoil at some bloody pix after the jump.

(P.S. What is it with Yale a cappella groups and ill-fated West Coast tours?)

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Imagine you're a member of a female a cappella group from Yale. (Bear with us.) You're on tour in L.A. You show up for a gig organized by HBO sex host and Yale alumna Susan M. Block, where you sign mysterious, Borat-like release forms. After the concert, your hostess serves drinks and asks you to dress up in weirdly revealing period costumes and pose for a camera. At this point, our sketch-dar would have been overheating. Unfortunately for Yale's Whim 'n Rhythm, all this didn't quite register -- or if it did, they didn't want to insult their hostess.

And now there's a DVD.

It's pitched on Block's website as a sort of caught-on-camera "Yalies Gone Wild" that's somehow also "hilarious and heart-warming." We hear the video may or may not contain full frontal nudity involving a Whiffenpoof. (If you don't know, don't ask.)

Needless to say, the Whim'n are miffed. And rightly so: Block was clearly dishonest (although, to be fair, it was a sex palace). She's even been peddling the DVD on the Yale Alumni Magazine's website. So far the group has been unable to get their names removed from Block's site. (We're trying to keep everyone un-Googleable, but just know it features the stunning Ickieray Udeautray, aughterday of Arrygay). But before you feel too bad for the ladies, consider that they don't see a problem with pocketing 30 percent of the DVD's revenues. Whether that's hush money or not depends on your definition of the term; either way, expect some spicy confirmation hearings 40 years from now.

Anyway, we don't expect much repentance from the woman who brought us the seminal film "Dr. Susan Block's Squirt Salon." If it makes the Whim'n feel any better, they're astonishingly good. Here's hard video proof (beware sudden cutaways to Block's face):

UPDATE 10:48 p.m.: Just when we were looking forward to never wasting bandwidth on Susan Block again, a reader informs us that, as usual, Yale's Rumpus did it first and did it better. In 2005, Jon Carlo Bruttomesso penned an account of his traumatic interview/photoshoot with Dr. Block and her merry band. The original version of the piece supposedly contained passage too scarring even for Rumpus's jaded readership, so they toned it down to merely horrific. Read it at your own discretion (PDF).