The New York Post and the New York Times have recently regaled us with delightful anecdotes about what Ivy League rejects and non-rejects did to gain admission into the school(s) of their dreams. College consultants are nothing new but the industry has reached such a level of absurdity that it seems like satire.
See Jill Tipograph, who runs “Everything Summer,” a combination travel agency/college consulting firm that helps parents figure out
which Third World Country should host their offspring for a few weeks a personalized summer itinerary for pre-college teens who need application essay material–for $300/hour. We wonder what Tipograph would have to say about the Yale applicant mentioned in the Times article, who forewent exotic travels in favor of a more… domestic experience:
“[Her essay] mentioned a French teacher she greatly admired. She described their one-on-one conversation at the end of a school day. And then, this detail: During their talk, when an urge to go to the bathroom could no longer be denied, she decided not to interrupt the teacher or exit the room. She simply urinated on herself.”
Would Everything Summer encourage this sort of behavior? What if you urinate on yourself and, AT THE SAME TIME, you’re climbing the Great Wall of China? God, we miss the days when you could just donate a blank check and be done with it (but, you know, the One Percent just isn’t what it used to be).
Essay ideas after the jump
This week, New York Magazine did a feature on the delicious DC summer interns, one of our favorite subsets of students. Of the 10 interns profiled, half of them (from our sleuthing) are Ivy Leaguers, hailing exclusively from Yale and Harvard — though this post in the very earnest “Yale in Washington Summer 2014” group may have had something to do with that slant:
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According to the New York Times, ousted executive editor Jill Abramson will be returning to her alma mater (and tattoo inspiration), teaching narrative nonfiction this fall at Harvard. Nonfiction writing majors across the Ivy League collectively shrieked in jealousy. We’ve reached out to admins at Harvard and will update if we get more information.
If you make it into her class next semester, put your narrative nonfiction skills to good use and tell us all about it–and let us know if she follows that great Harvard tradition: grade inflation. Hit us up firstname.lastname@example.org
Update 1:50PM Harvard made the announcement as well, confirming Abramson will be teaching undergraduates in the fall and spring. Undergrad Program Administrator Lauren Bimmler told IvyGate that the classes “are open by application to undergraduates and graduate students” and, of course, “[w]e’re very excited to have her!”
David Brat, who shockingly beat Eric Cantor in yesterday’s primaries, notes in his campaign site that he “tested his rural values against the intellectual elite while at Princeton.” But as The Washington Post figured out, like a Barnard student who says she goes to Columbia on Facebook, Brat didn’t actually go to Princeton.
WaPo reached out to Princeton, who told them they do not have Brat on record as a student. Sure, Brat studied in the town of Princeton — at the Princeton Theological Seminary for his Master of Divinity. PTS was founded in 1812 and is a separate school from the Princeton we know and love. Per their site:
“The [Princeton] University still stands at the center of the community, but several other academic institutions known for excellence in their fields have joined it — the Westminster Choir College, the Institute for Advanced Study, the Center for Theological Inquiry, and, of course, the Seminary.”
Keep challenging those sinning intellectual elites, Brat.
[Screenshot from DaveBratForCongress]
A casting associate at Leftfield Entertainment (bringing you Pawn Stars, RHONJ, etc.) reached out to us as they’re looking for highly educated, snarky, and entitled young people, and apparently we’re a good space to find them.
“If you recently graduated from a top-tier university and are working a job that’s SO beneath you, we want to hear from YOU!”
So are you a recent grad doing data entry or working retail, constantly repeating to yourself “I got an Ivy League degree for this?” ? Then you might be perfect for a new reality show in development for “a major cable network,” which is sure to boost your visibility and not get you fired from your current job.
If you’re bored doing nothing (or as we tell our parents, “freelancing”) in suburbia, send a quick description of yourself, your current job and education, and a recent picture to email@example.com. Joining the illustrious ranks of Ivy League reality stars will definitely improve your employability for the rest of your life, and we can’t wait to see the results.
[Image via Flickr]
It seems Columbia engineers have a new graduation tradition: getting rejected by former mayor Michael Bloomberg. A letter from the school’s dean, obtained by (IG contributor Skelding at) Capital extended an invitation to the former mayor to speak at graduation, which he declined. The letter details that he was asked last year, too, but couldn’t make it due to a scheduling conflict.
The day of last year’s graduation, he “hosted a Jewish heritage reception at Gracie Mansion and subsequently accepted a lifetime achievement award at the New York League of Conservation Voters’ Spring Gala,” per Capital, which is the same excuse we give when we don’t want to sit through a long ass boring ceremony wearing a polyester robe outside on a humid May afternoon.
So Bloomberg didn’t make it up to Morningside Heights, but at least he didn’t offer to speak at Barnard graduation.
[Image via Wikimedia Commons]
As Harvard’s Class of 2014 steps out to make their way in the world, they leave behind some priceless facts culled from the annual senior survey. In the spirit of celebration and congratulations, The Crimson faithfully reported on the senior class’ politics, porn habits, and virginity status. The email survey sent out among the graduates received over 700 responses, providing an idiosyncratic and color coded picture of the Harvard lifestyle — “extracurriculars” and all. Some of our favorite highlights below:
- We’ll start with a real shocker: of the seniors immediately entering employment post-graduation (70% of the class), 31% will work for finance and consulting companies.
- In another unexpected twist, nearly all employment fields showed an unequal starting salary among men and women: women going into technology or engineering report a salary of $50,000 and $69,999, while the men entering the same fields report between $90,000 and $109,999.
Sextracurriculars and more after the jump
Princeton Reunions, a carnival of bacchanalia replete with old white men singing a capella and drinking from handles, hit central Jersey this weekend. IvyGate correspondents on the ground sent in updates and photos, featured here. Highlights included a surprise concert by Flo Rida, thrown by the class of 1989 on their 25th reunion — and open to all classes. A 101-year-old alum came by for the festivities, and fireworks shot out around campus. The Class of 2014 successfully stormed the field after the P-rade and sang Old Nassau, and non-Princetonians are still terribly confused by all of this. Congratulations to all of Princeton for upholding your single greatest tradition and we urge you to get some eggs and ginger ale and sober up.
Gallery after the jump
Our old pal Scout Willis, Brown ’13, has publicly returned to Twitter and is using it to promote a good cause: nipples. Last week, Scout posted a picture of a sweatshirt that she designed with an image of topless women on her Instagram, leading Instagram to delete her account for violating community guidelines. She has since taken to Twitter (@Scout_Willis, bio “BougPunk lives“) to express her discontent with their censorship of
a sweatshirt she designed women’s bodies.
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Following the Isla Vista shooting this week, Jeff Sharlet, Dartmouth English prof (and author, Harper’s contributing editor, etc.) took to Twitter to discuss the tragic event. Like others, he linked Elliot Rodger’s shooting to the pervasive destructiveness of misogyny. Unlike others, he compared Rodger to sexual assailants at Dartmouth:
We followed up with Sharlet for further explanation of the tweet’s idea, and he went in on both Rodger and rapists.
Rape and murder are different crimes, of course, but rape and Rodger’s decision to kill women seem to me likely rooted in the same pervasive misogyny, a sense of some or all women as less than human. I’m distressed by those who’d dismiss Rodger as nothing but a monstrous outlier. The logic of hate he took to its most extreme end is the same of that of the rapist, and, yes, of that of those who apologize for rapists.
Dartmouth’s attempts to change their culture appear to be working, at least for the professors.
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