Since (at least) 2010, Cornell’s administration has, with varying levels of forethought, distributed a holiday “eCard,” for fun. Last year’s effort, viewable here, appears to have emerged, Samara-like, from a pirated copy of Windows Movie Maker. It is dumb and a waste of your time but basically inoffensive, which, when you think about it, is really the only bar a holiday card has to clear.

Which brings us to this year’s entry, above. It’s an imitation New Yorker cartoon featuring a scarfed snowman that is either a) being impaled by McGraw Tower or b) threatening to jump therefrom. This is perhaps not the wisest image from a school often joked to have a pattern of student suicide. As a horrified tipster puts it, “a snowman teetering on a clock tower is insane.”

Particularly ridiculous (amusing, though) is Cornell’s decision to solicit—and publish!—pathologically unfunny “captions” with which to mock this troubled snowman: “Is this what they mean by ‘Higher Learning’?” “My ‘polarrhoids’ are killing me!” Etc! There are at least five hundred entries of comparable brilliance. Stranger than the actual captions is the obvious exclusion of any which refer to death or killing, the aforementioned “polarrhoids” achievement notwithstanding.

The sure-to-be-great winner will be announced soon.

Well.

This feels strange. Like being the weird, paunchy alumni who show up at a kegger making outdated cultural references (see headline) and trying to strike up conversations about classes that have long since been discontinued. So we’ll keep this brief.

Your fearless editor-in-chief Peter Finocchiaro is moving on to even greener pastures, which means our annual-or-so hunt for new talent is on. We’re looking for the usual things: hyper-competence, devilishness, good judgment (!), and some reportorial chops. Running IvyGate is actually a lot of work, but it is equally a lot of fun. Read the rest of this entry »

Well! The cat, it would appear, is out of the bag. (Sup Romenesko?) After a more than a year at the party, it’s time for me to hang up my skates, throw in the towel, and step down as the editor of this website. (Even if I never do retire from mixed metaphors.)

So ends an amazing year here at IvyGate, one marked by a bounty of both joyful mockery and only-semi-serious contempt. Plenty of memories were made. One or two stories were broken. At least once I delved into the seedy underworld of secret societies, then needed to be resuscitated with smelling salts. And, at least once, I sparred with a white supremacist in the comments section of a post.

There were oddities, too: Absurd drug busts. Ironic plagiarism. James Franco. Also, this.

All this is to say that it’s been a blast, a privilege, a life-changing experience. Really. And it’s all the more amazing because it started on a whim, with a spur-of-the-moment email to the tips line during my last semester at Cornell. ”Hey, I think I could maybe blog for IvyGate!” — I wrote in my message, along with a snipe about Howie Mandel’s jheri curls. And, somehow, 152 blog posts later, it all worked out. If there were any lesson to be learned here, it would be this: If you want to do something, just fucking do it.

Many thanks to my predecessors, Dan D’Addario and Alex Klein, who gave me a shot at this whole blogging thing to begin with, and many more to my former coeditors, Constance Boozer and Eve Binder. Most of all, though: Thanks to you, for reading and commenting and sending in tips. If you want to keep in touch, feel free to drop me a line via email. You can also continue to find my writing at Salon, where I heckle billionaires and recap Jon Stewart. Finally, please follow me on Twitter so my Klout score will go up. (Haha, jk!) (But, really.)

Either way, I’ll be sticking around just a little bit longer while we get the new team in place. Look for updates through mid-December, at which point we’ll put the blog on hiatus through New Year’s. After that, we’ll roll out the new crew. Get excited.

Harvard and Princeton reinstated their early admission programs for this year’s admissions cycle. According to this nifty chart put together by Jeremy Bleeke of the Columbia Spectator, ED/EA applications remained constant or increased slightly at Brown, Cornell, and Dartmouth, while dipping slightly at Penn, decreasing more at Columbia, and dropping significantly for Yale. It is unclear just how much of this has been because of Harvard and Princeton’s programs, but we’re willing to wager that it’s more than a little.

The New York Times has a more detailed discussion here, complete with stats.

According to the New Haven Police Department, a U-Haul truck driven by a Yale student struck three people, killing a 30-year old woman from Massachusetts, shortly before 10 AM this morning near the Sigma Phi Epsilon tailgate before the annual Harvard-Yale football game. Another victim is in serious condition, and a third victim suffered minor injuries.

The Yale Daily News reports:

As the U-Haul drove through the Yale Bowl’s Lot D, the site of the Sigma Phi Epsilon tailgate for which it was bound, the U-Haul accelerated and ran into the three victims before crashing into a smaller U-Haul, [New Haven Police Department Spokesman David Hartman] said. Students at the scene reported seeing emergency responders giving one of the victims CPR for 10 minutes. The section of the tailgate where the collision occurred has been closed off and is being treated as a crime scene. The tailgate continued through the morning, uninterrupted.”

The Harvard Crimson:

As the U-Haul entered Lot D—the largest parking facility at the Yale Bowl—the truck turned left and accelerated quickly, according to eyewitnesses. It struck the three women before hitting another U-Haul truck, which in turn hit a third.”

As of this post’s writing, the identity of the driver, who is being held for questioning, has not been released. The driver has not been charged with a crime.

The Harvard-Yale football game was held as planned, and there was a moment of silence for the victims during halftime.

This is a developing story; we will provide updates as they come in.

Update 11/20: The identity of the driver has been confirmed as  Brendan Ross, Yale ’13. He has not been charged with a crime, and is not currently in custody. The identity of the woman killed has been confirmed as 30-year old Nancy Barry of Salem, Mass. According to the Yale Daily News:

A press release from the NHPD said Ross passed a field sobriety test after the accident. In a Sunday afternoon statement, William Dow ’63, Ross’ New Haven-based lawyer, said Ross and his family expressed their sincere condolences at Barry’s death, adding that it appeared to be the result of a “vehicle malfunction.”

College rivalries! Always exciting for the schools involved, but never of much interest to anyone else. And that’s fine, mostly. Then, one Saturday every November, Harvard and Yale meet for their annual contest, “The Game.” At that point, we brace for one massive, collective eye roll.

Elis and Cantabs never stop talking about that damn game. Which, like we said, would be all fine and well, except they’re so god-awful annoying about it. “You’re the worst!” “No, you’re the worst!” “We invented Facebook, what have you done recently?” “Nice Harvard t-shirt, losers!” “We only admitted 6 percent of applicants last year.” “Your mom smells like beans.” Good grief.

Every year — from now until whatever Harvard-and-Yale-brokered oblivion we all ultimately face — we’re going to have to face the prospect of listening to those two groups of hyper-qualified idiots that make up the Harvard-Yale fan bases rub each others noses in their Mensa-scented bullshit. Such is life. And, such being the case, IvyGate has received an estimated 503,341 emails this week with links to soooper funny videos put together by the members of said institutions, making fun of said rivals. Well, fine. We’ll watch them. Are you happy now?

After the jump: Yale video = actually pretty funny. Harvard video = awful. Read on!   Read the rest of this entry »

A Columbia sports team is in REAL news! The back story: following a 62-41 defeat at the hands of Cornell last weekend, the Columbia University Football Team was treated to a humiliating satirical revision of the school fight song when the Columbia University Marching Band changed the words of “Roar, Lion, Roar” to “We always, lose, lose, lose.” Columbia athletics was quick to respond, banning the marching band from this weekend’s season finale match against Brown; then just as quick to renege on the ban, citing the ‘free speech’ – but only after the Marching Band posted a lengthy official apology. The drama has quickly turned into a hot topic on campus, producing sprawling comment wars and impassioned op-eds.

And so, apparently, Columbia sports are interesting again, as evidenced by articles on ESPN, the Wall Street Journal, the NY Post, and most recently the New York Times, which ran the story as its front page lead. Any press is good press.. right?

Considering how un-sexy most of the Ivy League is, it’s always creepy how pervy and sex-obsessed Yale is, whether it be naked recruitment parties, sexist Asian playboys or, taking my personal vote for most scarring, interpretive art ostensibly created from the bodily remnants of a rigorous nine-month period of self-induced abortions.

But things might be changing for the university ranked the second-horniest in the nation by Newsweek and The Daily Beast. Last week, Yale president Richard Levin announced that the student-run Sex Week — Yale’s biennial celebration of everything porn-related or moderately sexually offensive — would no longer be permitted to use university facilities or Yale’s name to conduct the program’s festivities.

Read the rest of this entry »

During a raid around 1:20 AM this morning, hundreds of NYPD in full riot gear descended upon Occupy Wall Street’s Zuccotti Park to forcibly remove protesters and their property, claiming that their tents and equipment were ‘safety hazards’. Following an online call for help from Occupy Wall Street organizers, at least a dozen Columbia students responded between 2 to 3 AM and travelled to the scene, forgoing sleep and studying to help resist NYPD.

Your one and only IvyGate bicycling correspondent arrived around 4 AM, at which point dozens of protesters had already been arrested and the park had been completely cleared. Large crowds were gathered on the streets, where heavy squads of police stood keeping them at bay, some swinging their batons casually.

More pictures, the full story of my night, and a video interview of the Columbia students after the jump! Read the rest of this entry »

That time is upon us again, friends. This Saturday marks the annual occasion of “The Game”  – a collegiate sporting event of singular import. (Singular in the sense that it’s important to one single coupling of communities, whom everyone else finds mostly insufferable.) Today, Shebani Rao, resident IvyGate Yalien (not insufferable), took some time to write a paean to her dear, rival Cantabs, presented below. — Ed.

It’s official: the month of looming finals, winter coats and unshavenness is upon us. Before we jet off for Thanksgiving break, we eagerly await the arrival (and subsequent humiliation) of our Ivy League brethren at the annual Harvard-Yale football game.

Why the students of Harvard even bother to truck down here and play us every November is a huge mystery at this point. Even if they happen to win The Game by some stroke of luck — as admittedly might have been the case these past four years — their ineptitude in all the ways that matter (College Prowler attractiveness ratings, anyone?) should keep them from ever setting foot outside their decaying Cambridge castle. Nevertheless, it seems that their immunity to embarrassment has prevailed yet again this fall. Not only are they coming by the busload, they’re also wearing crimson jerseys (yeah, it’s a color, not a mascot) that say “Occupy Yale” on the front and — wait for it — “We are the 6%” across the back.

We almost feel bad taking the opportunity to comment on this latest facepalm incident from you Harvardians. Don’t get us wrong: we think your jerseys are reallll creative, but broadcasting that you make up the six percent of college students for whom the concept of irony is lost — Occupy Harvard, anyone? — doesn’t really seem like something to boast about. Surely there’s something more flattering you could have chosen? If it’s your admission statistics you’re referring to, we hope they bring you comfort when you ponder the fraction of your alumni we imagine would say they’re happy with their undergraduate experience (1%) or the proportion of the population that thinks that the word Harvard is synonymous with “douchebag” (99%). In any case, we look forward to seeing your hilarious, not-even-remotely-elitist jerseys in person next week, and we hope when we destroy you on the football field that those jerseys have fun occupying the trash can.

Harvardians! Send your reactions to tips@ivygateblog.com.