Cornell Prez Heading Out

Cornell President David Skorton, who has held the position since 2006, was named the 13th Secretary of the Smithsonian Institute. He will be the first physician in charge at the Smithsonian. Skorton’s shipping out from Ithaca at the end of the next school year, starting at the Institute in July 2015—so he’ll be around for Cornell’s sesquicentennial (150, guys).

Skorton got to Cornell with a bang in 2006, living in a freshman dorm and getting his own ice cream flavor. He was, by all accounts, a jazzy dude. In the seriousness realm, he’s tried ending hazing and scored Cornell its very own NYC tech campus.

We can’t imagine why Skorton would want to leave Cornell (OK we can, it’s because Ithaca), but in this last year we hope to see an increase in jazz shows and idealism. If you catch Skorton up to anything fun, drop us a line.

Dartmouth Administrators Finally Respond to “Freedom Budget”

mmmmm

Here’s hoping it saves money for freedom fries.

After weeks of often extremely heated debate amongst students, Dartmouth College administrators finally released a statement responding to demands set out by the “Freedom Budget.”

“Diversity is one of the cornerstones of our academic community,” the statement, written by President Philip J. Hanlon and Interim Provost Martin Wybourne, (and as generic and vague as you can expect from college administrators) read. “We, as the administration, must engage in campus more effectively in current and future actions to achieve our shared vision for Dartmouth.”

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DARTMOUTH: Targeting Begets Targeting

Amanda Childress, coordinator of Dartmouth’s Sexual Assault Awareness Program, is facing backlash over comments made earlier in the month where she argued that a sexual assault allegation should be enough to see a student expelled.

Speaking as part of panel on sexual misconduct at the University of Virginia on February 11th, Childress is quoted as asking, “Why could we not expel a student based on an allegation?”

“If we know that a person is reasonably a threat to our community,” Childress said, “why are we not removing them and protecting the safety of our students?”

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Yalies Up In Arms Over Bagels

In classic form, Yale students have found a petty non-issue to latch onto and raise hell over. Recently, all Yale dining halls stopped offering normal-sized bagels without warning, replacing them with mini-sized bagels (while continuing to offer the same selection of bagel varieties). And Yalies lost their shit.

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YALE: Sexual Assaults at Secret Society S&M Party

Last week, Yale students received two university-wide Clery Act emails informing them that two Yale students were victims of “sexual assault by an acquaintance, who is also a Yale student” at the Sigma Phi Epsilon house on February 8th. February 8th was the night of the annual “Dom” party thrown by the Women in Power Society (WIPS), a secret society, which was held in the SigEp house.

The “Dom” party is an infamous, no-cellphones-allowed event. From what we hear, people dress up in BDSM gear and porn is projected on the walls as hot freshmen guys pass around drinks. Interestingly, it’s also generalized as one of the safer party SigEp hosts: there is a closed guest list with doors closing at 11 pm and everyone (besides those hot freshmen boys) is over 21-years-old.

For two assaults to happen on a night that typically gets by without major public notice is surprising–but only considering its history of safety. Dom is a party full of porn, S&M, and lots of alcohol, after all. In a statement, SigEp said that the assault allegations are not against brothers of the fraternity, consistent with rumors we have been hearing.

Come On Guys: Columbia Theta Throws Stereotype Themed Party

ugghhhh not again

Team Mexico via Bwog

Last night, Columbia University’s Theta sorority celebrated what looks like a good ol’ stereotype-filled Beer Olympics. Groups of girls dressed up as Mexican, German, Japanese, Dutch, French, and Jamaican, according to pictures obtained by Bwog and the Columbia Spectator. Bwog notes that the mixer was held in SigEp–though no pictures of the young men have surfaced yet–and should have been registered with the administration, per Columbia Greek life policies.

At this point you’d think these young women would know better than to participate in a culturally appropriative theme…or at least to not post the damn pictures all over Facebook and Instagram for all to see and screenshot.

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PENN: Allegedly Racist Mixer Thrown, Messy Public “Dialogue” Ensues

Over the weekend, UPenn fraternity Beta Theta Pi and sorority Chi Omega hosted a mixer in which people presumably got drunk, took pictures of themselves, and wore clothes that they sure as hell wouldn’t wear to class. But this time around, overly cropped tops weren’t the issue: the partygoers sported fake knuckle tattoos, “thug” insignias, baggy hoodies and sweatpants, and flipped-back hats. And according to student Ernest Owens, P ’14, the mixer’s theme was “gangsta,” and it was “offensive, disrespectful, racially charged, out of line, and straight up buffoonish.”

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JUST SAY YES, YOU’RE MAKING US ALL LOOK BAD

This week on the venerable HuffPost Live, user “gaydood” asked a hard-hitting question: “is sex better at better universities?” Rather than making the correct response of “yes of course! So much good sex all the time always forever!” participants Donny J. of Cornell and Margot Harris of Brown succeeded in perpetuating the Ivy League image of nerds clumsily bumping uglies. They grew immediately uncomfortable and tried passing the question off to each other, with Harris finally claiming she didn’t have enough experience with other schools to have a particular theory. Thanks a ton, guys.

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Penn Community Reacts to Recent Deaths

When University of Pennsylvania Elvis Hatcher, P’16 passed away on February 4th, students did not receive an email from the university announcing his death. They did not receive an email announcing the death of Madison Holleran, P’17 over winter break or for the nine other Penn students who have lost their lives in the past three years.

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Harvard’s 15 Hottest: An Analysis

Let’s be honest here: Valentine’s Day–and true love–is really about objectification, and no one understands that quite like Harvard. The Crimson just released its annual 15 Hottest Freshmen round-up, and this year’s selection is bound to impress. So many Splendid shirts. Such wind-blown hair. It’s good to see that Harvard is equal-opportunity in its objectification: the group is almost painfully diverse, to the point that you can almost hear each race being checked off a list somewhere as you scroll through the portraits. While Yale’s Rumpus releases a similar “50 Most Beautiful” feature each year, New Haven’s idea of beauty seems to include a lot of warm and fuzzy criteria like volunteering and having wholesome extra-curriculars or alternative passions. Harvard only cares about how attractive your face is, and we respect that single-minded honesty.

Our heavy-duty mathematical analysis finds that the hottest point of origin is New York State, with over a third of the freshmen hailing from Manhattan, Rye, Larchmont, or some other Westchester city. Internationals make a healthy appearance: 3 out of the 15 are from outside the U.S., doubtless with charming accents to prove it. Canaday and Weld are tied for buildings hosting the most heat, with 3 each. We’d also like to take this moment to point out that Harvard has a dorm called Wigglesworth. Oh, Harvard.

In the spirit of appreciation, we’ve awarded some superlatives of our own below. Congratulations, you lucky freshmen! Go out on the town (the square?) and experience the prime of your beautiful youth.

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