IvyGate has learned that Penn’s 2008 Commencement speaker will be none other than American presidential candidate Barack Obama. Yay Barack Obama! What a perfect choice.

Haha just kidding. Rumor has it that it’s actually teevee’s Emeril Lagasse, the raging boozehound chef who has like eight shows on the Food Network. Surely the Penn kids won’t whine over this one, just like they didn’t when famous actress Jodie Foster spoke in 2006. Way to flex those muscles, Penn!

Oof. Sucks to be you, Penn seniors, if this is the case. Bear in mind, however, that he’s still better than the 2007 speaker, James Baker, who was a Republican.

UPDATE: The Daily Pennsylvanian, after IvyGate initially posted the rumor of Emeril Lagasse shortly before 1 a.m. Monday morning (Sunday night? Meh), followed our lead and today reported that the rumor was, in fact, a hoax. Whoever was behind this hoax does not have a great sense of humor, since Emeril Lagasse carries about the same level of celebrity and renown for which Penn will ultimately shell out in its upcoming selection.

Several hours after IvyGate posted the rumor — as characterized by use of the word “rumor” — the DP posted the rumor on its website, at the same time rightly indicating that their staunch ethics code puts them above the publishing of these kinds of “rumors“: “However, even though IvyGate reported it, you won’t see a story with that news in today’s DP. When we hear about important events, we make sure the news is credible and seek confirmation before rushing to print.” For those that haven’t worked at a newspaper, this is, indeed, how our beloved institution of investigative print journalism functions, and oftentimes thrives.

After slogging through the muck for truth today, the DP confirmed with the school that Emeril Lagasse has not been selected as Commencement speaker. The DP was sweet enough to mention that dear old IvyGate reported the rumor first, and bless their kindly young souls for the shoutout. They did, however, err in noting that IvyGate had reported the story “as fact,” which, again, contradicts IvyGate’s use of the word “rumor.”

Nice teamwork, DP! We report, You… go and do newspapery things with it.