After this post on the twisted lives of Ivy League power couples, we realized we had a situation on our hands. An L-Word “The Chart” sort of situation, revealing for the first time exactly how close Anne-Marie Slaughter is to Heidi Fleiss, connecting the dots all the way from Larry Summers to Kevin Bacon. Kevin Bacon, people! That means we win.

Harvard alum mag 02138 is likely clocking record-breaking traffic this week, now that their profile of Harvard “power couple” Eliot Spitzer and Silda Wall (where Wall admits to never spending time with her husband, and Spitzer pretends he’s never worn makeup before) has become one long, foregone punchline. From power couple to criminally perverse politico — oh, what a difference two years can make!

Though all eight of 02138’s “power couples” are technically still intact, Eliot and Silda are far from alone in their publicly cuckolded humiliation. Being labeled a “power couple,” it seems, is the latest relationship kiss of death, on par with 20-something hipsters getting matching tattoos, or meeting your mate on “The Bachelor.” And if you expand the “power couple” list to include 02138’s “power exes,” a sordid soap opera unfolds, featuring closeted football players, heroin-addled artists, even a contestant from America’s Next Top Model!

After the jump: Your guide to the Ivy League’s most doomed.

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…and we’re back from spring break, a little sad to have missed the big news on Eliot Spitzer (P’81, HLS’84), if only so I could use that “Princeton in the Nation’s Cervix” headline I’ve been sitting on for months. Since Spitzer’s scandal and resignation have been very small stories, completely overlooked by the media, and we’ll thus never have cause to revisit it, here’s Eliot and Silda’s 02138 cover now. The subheadline reads “See What Happens When Harvard Meets Harvard.”

Other cute items worth noting:

• Whining about JuicyCampus is officially so over now that old people are writing about it and the gay Yale porn therein. How long until the ironic “we heart JC” backlash begins?
• Columbia’s most well-known transman got some press, too.
• Remember when some random guy on a laptop took down the Harvard Grad School website for three days? Turns out he also stole about 10,000 people’s personal data, including about 6600 SSNs. Harvard’s response: “sorry for the inconvenience.“
• If Jesus went to Cornell and wore a pocket protector, he’d be the newest Beauty & the Geek Ivy Leaguer, Jim.
• If Gawker : NYT :: Bwog : the Spec, then Nick Denton used to write our Ragtimes. Just call us “starmaker.”
• Tony Blair is going to teach at Yale, which prompts us to wonder: Has Skull & Bones ever inducted a faculty member?

Whew. Keep the tips coming, people. We’ll be here all week.