A tipster directs us to this particularly charming yarn in the current Freshman Issue of the Dartmouth Review, in which pseudonymous writer Preston Q. R. Primrose regales us with his Penthouse Forum-esque quest for the "Real Dartmouth Seven." He of course means sex: "a licentious visit to the seven sororities" all in one night. Allow us to recap.

Much like Odysseus, "Preston" and his "bros" kick off the evening by pregaming in the basement. Luckily, within an hour and a half a KDE senior booty-calls our young hero. By his own timeline, eight minutes after getting said text he has scored "one down, six to go." This is a red flag that maybe we have an attempt at satire on our hands, kids, because... eight minutes (remember! that includes travel time and foreplay)? Is that really the example we want to set for the freshmen?
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It's not only Ivy League students who love plagiarizing. Sometimes even the White House gets involved. But White House aides don't plagiarize from just anyone! Nope, they get their source material from our right-wing buddies at the Dartmouth Review!

Timothy S. Goeglein, President Bush's chief liaison to religious groups, has admitted to plagiarizing a column he wrote for the Fort Wayne (Ind.) News-Sentinel. 

"It is true," Tim Goeglein wrote to The Journal Gazette in an e-mail. "I am entirely at fault. It was wrong of me. There are no excuses." I guess Zac Townsend and his Brown cohort can sleep easier now.

According to the Washington Post, Goeglein "previously worked closely with Karl Rove and during the 2004 election was Bush's chief emissary to conservative political groups." Oh, how I tremble with glee! William F. Buckley would be shamed. Shamed!

Goeglein's column:

A notable professor of philosophy at Dartmouth College in the last century, Eugene Rosenstock-Hussey, expressed the matter succinctly. His wisdom is not only profound but also worth pondering in this new century. He said, "The goal of education is to form the Citizen. And the Citizen is a person who, if need be, can re-found his civilization."

He meant that, I think, in quite a large sense. He did not mean that you had to master all the specialties you can think of,

Jeffrey Hart in The Dartmouth Review:

A notable Professor of Philosophy at Dartmouth, Eugene Rosenstock-Hussey often expressed the matter succinctly, "The goal of education," he would say, "is to form the Citizen. And the Citizen is a person who, if need be, can re-found his civilization."

He meant that in quite large a sense. He did not mean that you had to master all the specialties you can think of.

After the jump: more similarities.

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The editors of the Dartmouth Review may have said they're sorry (sort of) yesterday. But if editor-in-chief Dan Linsalata '07 is really interested in burying the hatche--er, smoothing things over, he might want to see about changing the poorly chosen advertisements that are still up on the paper's official site. (That one on the right actually doesn't rotate in with the others; we're not sure why.)