The world works in mysterious ways: Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes bad people are really pretty. And sometimes that guy who hits on all the girls at the bar, the one who uses phrases like "my mojo" and "the sweet spot" and "When it Rains, It Whores," actually has a big dick. Quoth Spec's sex blogger, The Big Bad Wolf:

I've always been told I have a huge cock. When I was 14, my first girlfriend to engage in heavy petting started a rumor that must have helped me to get quite a few handjobs in high school. She told everyone I was enormous.

A 14-year-old girl's expertise on male anatomy. Unassailable.

Wolfie is theoretically anonymous, but seeing how Commentariat's "author" pages use suffixes featuring the author's first initial and last name, and seeing how the Wolf's author page uses the suffix "/cchima," we're guessing the Big Bad Penis belongs to this guy. And if it doesn't, some poor kid named Chikodi is going to be pissed that the world now thinks he masturbates chronically.

More on The Big Bad Wolf's penis after the jump!

UPDATE: Whoa, touchy. Commentariat pulled everything we linked to, except the author page. (We try to back up sources, but seriously, every single post? No, I did not save them all.) Commentariat is a branch of the Spectator, which takes itself pretty seriously, so altering the record is a bold move.

Continue reading "Columbia Sex Blogger Would Like You To Know He Is Hung Like a Horse" »

April 3, 2008 8:00 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (24) | Read more: Columbia Spectator , Sex , big bad wolf

We did a mini-post yesterday on the NYT article "Students of Virginity" featuring Harvard's True Love Revolution, Lena Chen stuffing her face with ginger cake, and our own esteemed IvyGate commenters. Today we considered writing a lengthier post deconstructing the article blow-by-(not that kind of)-blow, but then we thought, why rush this? If we've learned one thing from TLR it's the value of "taking it slow." So instead we will deal with this in painstakingly small increments, gradually, pleasurably, one baby-sized scrap of hilarity at a time. Now presenting hilarious scrap #1: TLR co-president Leo Keliher ('09) in one of the more glorious photo/caption combos of our time:
 

Is that even a dorm room, or did he import a 12C monastery to sleep in? Leo's 15 minutes of rather embarassing fame after the jump.

Continue reading ""Students of Virginity" Actually Pretty Horny" »

March 31, 2008 4:40 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (67) | Read more: Harvard , Sex , new york times , true love revolution

From the New York Times Sunday Magazine article about Ivy League abstienence societies:

Chen’s perspective on society, and Fredell’s, was borne out in the aftermath, as people wrote in to Ivygate, calling Lena Chen a “slut,” a “whore,” a “total whore,” a “whore whore slut.” And then someone by the screen name of Sex v. Marriage wrote in to say that “most guys out there would rather end up with a girl like Janie.”

My favorite? "Whore whore slut." We love you guys. Even if you are real bastards sometimes.

More BREAKING NEWS on the New York Times' far too generous approach to True Love Revolution to come.

March 29, 2008 3:23 PM by Jacob Savage | Link | Comments (32) | Read more: Sex , abstinence , anscombe , lena chen , new york times , true love revolution

First things first: Jacob extends a half-hearted apology to the dude Angela Rasmussen (C'GS) screwed figuratively but not literally. Ryan Subaran, you might be a totally cool guy; or, you might suck. We really have no idea, because we recently discovered that Angela is batshit crazy.

But at least her blog is fun! 

In an email sent yesterday, Razzy thanks us for posting about her and notes,

Just one thing, though.  I HATE that picture of me. ... I would simply like to humbly propose some alternatives.  They are equally ridiculous and certainly don't qualify as a glamour shot, but I don't wince every time I look at one of them like my lab photo.  Considering I'm totally in love with myself, that says a LOT.

And then she attaches five pictures of herself, three of which feature nudity. Um, hello, strange woman who posts topless pictures of herself on her blog and claims "most men are intimidated by me." Are you aware that embarrassing nudie pics are usually sent to us by the crazed member of a relationship, not the one claiming righteous indignation? And girl, if there is anything worse than a puple wig, it's a matching purple mini-toga that reveals your entire right breast. And if there's anything worse than that? It's taking a picture of the ensemble, then emailing it to us.

After the jump: Razzy's five preferred photos and all the rest of the crazy that Jacob somehow missed, probably because he is a man, and for some reason men don't catch these things until way too late, like when they are lying naked in bed with one and suddenly realize, oh shit. I can't go down on this girl. She is crazy.

Continue reading "So, the Columbia GS who wanted the dude to go down on her? Not very shy." »

March 21, 2008 12:54 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (45) | Read more: Columbia , Sex , razzy

March 17, 2008 6:05 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (14) | Read more: Larry Summers , Sex , eliot spitzer

Harvard alum mag 02138 is likely clocking record-breaking traffic this week, now that their profile of Harvard "power couple" Eliot Spitzer and Silda Wall (where Wall admits to never spending time with her husband, and Spitzer pretends he's never worn makeup before) has become one long, foregone punchline. From power couple to criminally perverse politico -- oh, what a difference two years can make!

Though all eight of 02138's "power couples" are technically still intact, Eliot and Silda are far from alone in their publicly cuckolded humiliation. Being labeled a "power couple," it seems, is the latest relationship kiss of death, on par with 20-something hipsters getting matching tattoos, or meeting your mate on "The Bachelor." And if you expand the "power couple" list to include 02138's "power exes," a sordid soap opera unfolds, featuring closeted football players, heroin-addled artists, even a contestant from America's Next Top Model!

After the jump: Your guide to the Ivy League's most doomed.

Continue reading ""See what happens when Harvard meets Harvard"" »

March 17, 2008 5:55 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (3) | Read more: Harvard , Sex , eliot spitzer

WARNING: The links in this post are NSFW. Some go to a site you are supposed to be 21 years old to view.

The entire concept of irony bursts into flames and ceases to exist today. If the internets are to be believed, a real live Wharton student is whoring herself out. No, this is not another post about douchebags at McKinsey. Not about the shitty job market, or annoying sex columnists, or degrading internships fetching coffee for rich guys in pinstripe suits. We are talking about a literal prostitute, the kind that charges money for admission to her vagina. And if the so-called Eva and her madame Solana Jewel have anything to say about it, the little hussy goes to Penn:

Eva is a new addition to the Philadelphia scene! A hot Italian spinner! She is currently a finance major at a Ivy League university. I can assure you she is 100% GFE!

Rate is $300/hr, $450/1.5 hrs, $600/2hrs. Couples are $450/hr. Inquire for longer hours. She is also available for outcalls.

Miss Eva and Mama Lana were unavailable for comment ("press request" being outside the standard sex-for-money dialogue). But we are pretty sure the above blonde woman exists. Whether she actually attends Wharton, however, is another story. After the jump: We break down the knowns; the unknowns; and the many things that, in the course of investigating this story, we have come to know but really wish we didn't.

Come! Enter the sordid world of Prostitution at Penn...

Continue reading "Is the job market really this bad?" »

March 6, 2008 1:56 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (38) | Read more: Penn , Sex , Wharton

Noting our coverage of November's "incrediblyyyyyyyyyy sexual" Cornell Craigslist orgy planner, the Cornell Daily Sun played To Catch a Predator last Friday, publishing a story in which a team of intrepid reporters pose as an NSA-seeking female on Craigslist, and then giggle wildly when they receive "over 50 responses in two days." Always the tease, Sun kept its unwitting subjects anonymous, but we have no doubt they facebooked every single entry, because seriously, how could you not? Somewhere, a "36-year-old professor" is super red-faced.

The article, entitled "Everybody's Doing It," features the sage advice of columnist Jenna B. and extended quotations from their responses. Our favorite:

So you say you’re looking to experiment eh? As an engineer I know how to experiment.

Given the Sun's fascination with "homosexual and bi-sexual men" who want to "explore... without having to come out," we wonder if there is an alternate version of this article where the Sun's tricky staff writes an m4m listing. They can call it "Everybody's Doing It, Part II: Panic Attacks Sweep Closeted Gay Population." Ithaca's "Casual Encounters" is about to suffer a loss of activity... or a huge spike, depending on how much anonymous sex-seekers enjoy exhibitionism.

February 25, 2008 8:03 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (9) | Read more: Cornell Daily Sun , Sex , jenn b.

Harrison Zolnierczyk, a Brown freshman from Canada and member of the Bears' glorious hockey team, is having some legal troubles back in the old country. While most students were busy watching Hillary Clinton jazz it up at a Providence rally Sunday, Zolnierczyk was "facing charges of voyeurism and production, possession and distribution of child pornography" from something called the "Port Alberni Provincial Court in British Columbia," also in Canada. Will Harrison Zolnierczyk survive this terrible smear campaign against his hockey career? Or is he really a voyeur who produced, possessed and distributed tapes of horrible child sex? Well, the Mounties are on the case now, so it's only a matter of seconds before the they figure out this would-be perp's deal.

Continue reading "Brown Freshman Plays Hockey, Distributes Kiddie Porn" »

February 25, 2008 6:54 PM by Jim Newell | Link | Comments (5) | Read more: Brown , Sex , canada , harrison zolnierczyk , mounties

The batteries are out of the vibrators and back in the graphing calculators at Yale, where Sex Week reached its anticlimactic end yesterday. After the much-hyped Great Porn Debate featuring luminaries like Ron Jeremy and Monique Alexander on Friday, we imagine the celebrity-less "safe sex" Monday must've been a little boring.

Naturally, Saturday's Vivid Girls film-screening and "Skull and Boned" party at the Toad's prompted a flood of "omg so-and-so totally went home with Monique!" tips. Since adult film stars are a special breed of human that communicate solely through sexual acts (How else would those totally normal situations caught on film turn so quickly into raunchy hair-pulling and screaming?), we humored our tipsters and followed up on a few of their stories. Our guide to various porn stars' supposed sex lives at Yale, after the jump.

Continue reading "Sex Week Wrap-Up: In which everyone claims to know who slept with the Vivid Girls" »

February 19, 2008 5:32 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (10) | Read more: Sex , Yale

Penn Pro-Choice's V-day guest speaker electrocuted herself with a vibrator. For serious:

From: [name redacted]
Date: Thu, Feb 14, 2008 at 3:18 PM
Subject: Sex Toy Accidents
To: P4CMEM@lists.upenn.edu

Hey everyone,

I'm so sorry to have to inform you that we will no longer be able to have a sex toy demonstration today. The woman who was going to do it took her vibrator into the bath without realizing it wasn't water-proof. Her prognosis is good, but she won't be able to share sex toy joy with the world for a while. In lieu of a demonstration, come to the Penn Women's Center today at 7 PM where we will still be screening a movie, eating junk food, and engaging in general Valentine's Day merriment. Obviously, the admission price is no longer $7, but donations to the Women's Medical Fund are still welcome. Also, we will be signing a petition to have all battery operated sex toys come with a warning about water usage like the ones found on blow-dryers. Sorry again but I hope to see you tomorrow anyway!

Much V-Day Love,

Penn for Choice

Is this a joke? It has to be. But maybe it's not? This reminds me of the sage piece of advice my father gave me when I was 12: never bring your vibrator into the bathtub. Also, this guest speaker won't be able to "share sex toy joy with the world for a while"? How about: never again! The woman almost killed herself with a vibrator! This has to be a joke.

Could the pro-abortion movement get any stupider? Instead of talking about protecting a woman's right to choose, they're protecting a woman's right not to get electrocuted by her vibrator in the bathtub?

February 14, 2008 4:00 PM by Jacob Savage | Link | Comments (69) | Read more: Penn , Sex

H-Bomb, Harvard's much-talked-about (though not as often written or read) sex mag, is back! Er, sort of.

An onslaught of Bomb-related tips have been assaulting our inbox ever since the rag's new website went live, if you count a filler backdrop and six YouTube videos as a "new website." Must be the "righteous babes" staffing the mag, double-clicking extra furiously in the name of self-promotion. The videos feature H-Bomber Jenna Mellor giggling her way through the New Hampshire primaries, interviewing "voters! candidates! and campaigners!" about sex. Highlights include Romney staffers describing the "perfect woman" as a Stepford wife-- then back-tracking and saying Anne Romney or Laura Bush-- and a brief interview with Dennis Kucinich (Q: "How has politics affected your sex life?" A: "I'm happily married.") culminating in Ms. Miller leaping into the Elf Candidate's open and sexually-liberated arms.

The result is cute and kinda entertaining, but seriously, H, where is the porn? We want confused overachievers cavorting awkwardly in their panties, stat. Because if you can't top Primal Scream, you've got nothing.

January 17, 2008 1:46 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (2) | Read more: Harvard , Sex , h-bomb

December 3, 2007 1:00 PM by Jacob Savage | Link | Comments (33) | Read more: Cornell , Sex

Okay, so, Cornell seems to be far less freaky than its other Ivy League brethren. Columbia apparently has a sex club. AND WE HAVE MORE STUDENTS! We currently have one girl and two guys. We want male inquiries, as it is an orgy.

Cornell is lame. I'm only in college for another year. I want to do something crazy. Let's start an orgy or at the very least, a foursome. This post, then, is looking for a male participant in an orgy with me and other people. Please only straight men for this event. The men have requested that it's a blanket requirement, I guess.

Let's get this straight: One girl wants a herd of anonymous straight men to clusterfuck her, and since the dudes aren't interested in touching each other, we assume they'll be taking turns on her? Wasn't there a Law & Order: SVU about this? "I'm incrediblyyyyyyyyyy sexual," our darling nymph adds. "And bored."

For your titillation and/or terror, post preserved in full after jump.

Continue reading "Cornell Orgy Planner: "I'd prefer this not get awkward"" »

November 29, 2007 8:59 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (8) | Read more: Cornell , Sex

Activity at Brown screeches to a halt as the annual release of the Brown Queer Alliance's SexPowerGod party promos (the greatest/creepiest foray into amateur smart-kid smut this side of Casper Desfeux) forces everyone to drop what they're doing and masturbate furiously before glowing computer screens. Or, so we assume are the goings-on of the Ivy generally acknowledged for sexual superiority and the lingering scent of patchouli. This year's queerific posters feature a hipster explosion of coiffed facial hair and neon leggings, a far cry from last year's deer-in-headlights male nudes, though we do appreciate the surfeit of BDSM-phranalia and smattering of chicks with dicks. Also, "LOVE IS... GOD!" nod to gay evangelicals (how else to explain Rick Santorum?) and the following warning from SexPowerGod's online flier:

Dance Policies:

• No reentry
• No bags
• No cameras
• Brown/RISD Only +1 Guest
• Photo-ID required for entry for both students and guests
• There are no tickets, only a guest list
• Admission is non-transferrable
• INTOXICATED STUDENTS WILL NOT BE ADMITTED
• No yearbook photographers be at the dance
  

Somebody please sneak a camera in. Discipline fetish much, Brown QA?

After the jump: This year's SexPowerGod gallery.

Continue reading "Holy Hipsters! SexPowerGod Goes SFW (if you work in a tranny brothel)" »

November 1, 2007 5:46 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (7) | Read more: Brown , Sex , sex power god

Yesterday, Harvard’s Lena “I lowered my mouth over his cock and slid my lips over his shaft easily" Chen (our Favorite Person Ever) debated the merits of pre-marital sex with Janie Fredell, the co-president of True Love Revolution (which, believe it or not, is not a 60’s band you’ve never heard of, but a campus abstinence group). We sent correspondent Alterrell Mills to get the scoop.

The highly-anticipated “debate” between Lena “I lowered my mouth over his cock and slid my lips over his shaft easily" Chen and the co-President of the True Love Revolution, Janie Fredell, was truly not worth the wait. Before the event, I met with an overeager Janie who emphasized that it was “a discussion, not a debate about sex and dating.” And here I was, thinking we had a regular Lincoln and Douglass on our hands! Discussion, indeed.

Janie arrived early, while Lena came right on time. Both ladies held true to form in terms of appearance; Lena wore a mini-skirt that left little to the imagination, while Janie was more modestly dressed in jeans.

The ladies started off by defining their sexuality. Janie stated that she was abstinent, and that the kind of guy she was interested in was “chivalrous, strong yet gentle” and ultimately worth the wait. Janie wants a man who respects her ambitions, and values more than just sex in their relationship. She also added that she could get sexual gratification from “a battery-operated plastic object.” Lena replied, “I derive great joy from battery-operated objects.”

Ewww.

After the jump: let’s talk about sex, baby.

Continue reading "Harvard Pro-Sex and Anti-Sex Crusaders Make Us Want to Ignore Them, Have Sex" »

October 26, 2007 11:18 AM by Jacob Savage | Link | Comments (121) | Read more: Harvard , Sex , lena chen

Perhaps The Dartmouth's editors should have thought twice before putting the following headlines in the same issue:

• Aurora's Guide to Eating Out
  

• Sugarbush Farms: A Cheese Lover's Paradise

The former is a sophomore Aurora Wells' how-to on cunnilingus. The latter is worst coincidence possible given its proximity to Ms. Wells' guide to going down on the occasionally cheesy region of a woman that I shall henceforth refer to only as "sugarbush."

Aurora begins her column with a wave of the Dartmouth banner:

Listen up, freshmen: the rumors are true. You may, in fact, actually get laid in college. And if casual, inebriated encounters are what you’re after, thank your lucky stars you were rejected from your first choice school.

One female explains that she "likes the dry feeling of latex against her clit, like a tease." If it’s a one-night deal, then it’s just plain smart. And if not, well then it’s only until you and your partner drag your asses to Dick’s House and get tested anyway, right?

I doubt the existence of said "female" because I'm pretty sure nobody in the entire history of college has ever used a dental dam. But I digress from the real gem of this paragraph, which begs the question: Do people actually call Dartmouth's sexual health center "Dick's House"? Somebody needs to cover that Run-DMC song, stat.

Ms. Wells ends her column "May you be safe, get off, and maybe even find love along the way. Welcome to my column, and welcome to Dartmouth." Look out, Lena Chen: There's a new Carrie Bradshaw-wannabe in town.

Aurora's Guide to Beating Around the Sugarbush, reprinted after the jump. 

Continue reading "Cunnilingus at Dartmouth: Not as Good as at Brown" »

October 8, 2007 9:35 PM by Maureen O'Connor | Link | Comments (91) | Read more: Dartmouth , Sex , the dartmouth

Let's cut to the chase. After the jump: IvyGate editors emeriti Nick Summers' and Chris Beam's feature, "College Sex: Going Home Alone," from today's Washington Post. It's mostly about Hot Pockets.

No new pictures of Casper at the moment. Sorry to the lady and gay men commenters.

Continue reading "Nick and Chris Go Home... Together?" »

September 23, 2007 1:04 PM by Jim Newell | Link | Comments (11) | Read more: Sex , casper desefeux , chris beam , nick summers , superbad , tom wolfe , washington post

Christian Sahner, Princeton's most adorable conservative heartthrob, has written a--yawn!--column in the Wall Street Journal bitching about a university-wide conspiracy to transubstantiate innocent freshmen girls into total skankadoos. How does liberal academia accomplish this, you may ask? By putting on a 20-minute sketch, entitled "Sex on a Saturday Night" about all sorts of people on campus who love to get laid. "Sex on a Saturday Night" is so depraved that it even depicts a Gay!

Sahner reminds us, as all conservative columnists invariably do, that extra-marital sex results in feelings of "exploitation, discomfort, regret and… chronic depression." He also reminds us, several times, that he attended Princeton, and that he is, in all likelihood, still a virgin. 

After the jump: Princeton's War on Christmas!

Just kidding. There's no war on Christmas, not yet! But you can read the rest of Sahner's--yawn!--column here.

Continue reading "WSJ Exclusive: Princeton Full of Skanks" »

September 6, 2007 11:21 AM by Jacob Savage | Link | Comments (13) | Read more: Princeton , Sex , wall street journal

In a tragic turn of events for college students nationwide, birth control costs on campuses are going through the roof. Last year's Deficit Reduction Act has recently been fingered as the culprit in the rising costs.

July 26, 2007 2:17 PM by Sam Jackson | Link | Comments (13) | Read more: Sex , birth control , contraception , gawker , guest editors , republicans

If you didn't catch last week's Crimson article on abstinence, that's OK. The only detail you really need to know, as Dana Goldstein of Campus Progress helpfully pointed out, is this one:

According to an online survey conducted by University Health Services (UHS) last spring that drew an undergraduate response rate of 40 percent, nearly half of all respondents (47 percent) reported that they had never engaged in vaginal intercourse. The national average for undergraduates at other colleges stood significantly lower at 31 to 32 percent.

Funny, we figured it was a piece about voluntary abstinence.

We didn't mention this story when it ran because we didn't really have much to add. But then we spotted this Harvard video, and suddenly everything just sort of made sense:

May 2, 2007 10:01 AM by Chris Beam | Link | Comments (30) | Read more: Harvard , Sex , YouTube

The last time we heard from Brown's Queer Alliance, they were promoting their fall SexPowerGod event with fliers slightly less titillating than an ear infection -- a far cry from their steamy work of yore. We're happy to report that the gang has regained its footing (Wow, we're reviewing pornography now. This site is in goooood shape) with the promo materials for last weekend's "Starf*ck" dance, which we lovingly supply for you, NSFWishly, after the jump. (Above: official logo, doctored to include central casting's Creepy Guy No. 0001.)

Sorry, don't go to Brown? SexPowerGod and Starf*ck, for the un-immunized, are the QA's thermonuclear orgy blowouts so powerfully debaucherous they rip space-time and inhibitions to pieces. Except when they don't. Starf*ck was cancelled last year when 24 students were Medevac'ed for booze ODs at SPG '05; this weekend, a paltry one required medical attention. Even the Herald is calling the party "tame."

Given that the sex parties appear to be dying (if we see one more quote about "liberated space" or "problematizing boundaries," we're getting a Winchester and shooting a brown bear), we're more fascinated than we want to be by these pics. It's not like they dug up the one or two kids on campus willing to get all vivid on camera; some 40 students showed up to an open casting call, according to the Herald -- although they also said the money shots would include "costumes and accessories," a prediction you can judge for yourself after the jump (NSFW!), so maybe we shouldn't trust every line of the story.

Continue reading "The Final Throes (And Not Even the Good Kind) of the Brown Queer Alliance" »

March 20, 2007 4:46 PM by Nick Summers | Link | Comments (6) | Read more: Brown , Sex , nudity , sex power god

Battle stations, daily newspaper feature writers, battle stations!! Three examples makes a trend piece, and we've just received word of yet another complaint over too-public sex on an Ivy campus. First it was the Yale showers. Then, a Brown kitchen. Now some Dartmouthers have been called out for commandeering ... a toilet stall. Wrote a disgusted (sour grapes?) freshman girl:

Date: 27 Feb 2007 11:45:30 -0500
From: [redacted]
Subject: Important!
To: [28 freshmen]

Dear Cohen Floor 2,

As psyched as I am that some of you are getting laid, the bathroom of 203 at 6:15 in the morning is not the time or the place... if you feel the need to do it in public, perhaps the common room would be more appropriate. This way, you won't disturb your floormates/suitemates or have them walk into the bathroom on you! 

Great, fab, have a good day

xoxo

More background from our tipster:

The girl who sent out this email was woken up out of a cold sleep at 6:15 a.m. on Tuesday morning by some loud moaning. She assumed it was coming from another room down the hall, and decided to go to the bathroom (across the hall) only to discover another girl from our floor and an anonymous guy having a little fun in one of the toilet stalls (not the shower, a la Yale)...the kind of fun where you have both hands and both feet on the ground (as my floormate saw under the door). The reason we know that this was another girl from our floor: her Dartmouth ID was found on the floor of the stall later on that morning.  

OK, we're slow-clapping here on that last part.

With three Ivies down, that means five have some homework to do! Now, make sure you have the assignment right: we're not looking for people having sex in public places. We're looking for people who have been scolded, preferably by people with tenure, for having sex in public places. So you can't just do it; you must do it very, very detectably. This is the beginning of something beautiful. Anyone have Jenny 8. Lee on speed dial?

March 1, 2007 11:05 AM by Nick Summers | Link | Comments (16) | Read more: Dartmouth , Sex , omg , public sex epidemic

We always like hearing from readers, but this one takes the cake. Cake made in a dorm kitchen that Brown kids have recently had sex in.

It started when we posted an item Friday about freshman Brunonians' forniculinary use of hall common space. Within hours we heard from commenter "railedinthekitchen," laying claim that she had been the co-ed who put the "easy" in Easy Mac. That was quickly followed by "friendofrailedinthekitchen," who wrote: "i am sitting next to railedinthekitchen as i type this and I LOVE IT!!! well done. to think i was sleeping only feet away as this happened." This was the Mount Everest of IvyGate commenting as far as we were concerned -- and that was BEFORE "familypride" joined the thread, informing everyone that railedinthekitchen had "a proud sissy in upstate New York." (Somewhere, a father with one daughter at Brown and another upstate is breaking into a cold sweat.)

But friends, that was nothing compared to the email thread playing out in our inbox -- railedinthekitchen had, praise Josiah Carberry, included an actual address with her claim to infamy, and she indulged our OMG-peppered inquiries. Here is her personal account of the melon balling.

arright here's the scoop:

no it was not my boyfriend.  it was some random guy who i've been calling Ben for two weeks because i can never remember his actual name.  it was last saturday night... well technically sunday morning and yeah, obviously, it was good for me.  basically what happened is a bunch of people were chilling in my room and my roommate whom i love and adore kicked me out so we were wreaking havoc in the hallway and were scolded by our RC.  So we were switching locations and somehow me and Guy went to the kitchen to hook up because, let's face it, bathroom hookups are so last semester.  and at some point a girl who lives next to me walked in and was like OH MY GOD and ran into the hallway and announced it.  and after that the rumors spread around to the RC's who apparently decided to take action via email.  and yeah, i know you're wondering... we did keep going after the girl walked in.  and that email includes the longest run-on sentence ever.

And here we thought Emeril was the only one who went "Bam!" in the kitchen.

February 20, 2007 12:19 PM by Nick Summers | Link | Comments (5) | Read more: Brown , Dorm life , Sex , gawker

We have a confession to make. We have a crush. Hint: she's a blogger. (No surprise there.) Double-hint: she's has a sex column. (Definitely no surprise.) But, sex blogging aside, she's been producing some of the most consistently hilarious, smart, playful, insightful, world-rocking, superlative-inducing (Jesus, look at us) articles we've seen among college publications. Ever. This stuff isn't just chuckle funny. It's slam-your-roommate's- head-through-a-window funny. It's not transcendental and it won't change your life. But it will make you want to jump in the air, e-mail all your friends, and dedicate the rest of your days to figuring out who the hell this anonymous wordsmith is.

OK, we're getting ahead of ourselves. The column is called The Belle Jar, and it runs on Columbia's peerless Bwog. (Disclosure: half of us used to work for Bwog's parent rag, The Blue and White.) So far the author -- female, gay, anonymous -- has written only three pieces, but they're each worth a close read. She tends toward the Linnaean (See? We feel like undergrads again), categorizing and sub-categorizing Columbia students. So far she's kept it simple: an introduction, a cross-section of Columbia's single scene, and, special for V-Day, a breakdown of relationships by type. You owe it to yourself to read them all. But for the attention-challenged, here are some snippets:

Continue reading "We Have a Crush on a Talented Lesbian Sex Blogger" »

February 16, 2007 5:48 PM by Chris Beam | Link | Comments (30) | Read more: Columbia , Sex , gawker , sex columns

Ivy Leaguers: Is there anywhere they won't have sex?

Students at Brown, unimpressed by the rigid conventions of Yalies' recent fondness for romps in the hall showers, have taken the exhibitionist tack to creative new locations: the kitchens of freshman dorm Perkins. We've said it before and we'll say it again: this is what happens when you let kids design their own curricula.

Here's the stern email from a beleaguered grad student in (bless you, Brown) ethnomusicology. It doesn't explicitly mention sex, but our tipster notes that an RA would be unlikely to encourage smoking pot in "your room with the door shut, at the discretion of your roommate" -- plus, that second helpful link goes to Brown's page on healthy relationships, preventing STDs (tip: avoid sinks), etc.

Can't wait to see where exasperated academics scold students for having semipublic sex next!

From: First-year Residential Unit XX List
Sent: Thu 2/15/2007 4:05 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: Perkins wide memo

Dear Perkinsonians,
I have been made aware that there has been some activity taking place in Perkins' kitchens that is inappropriate for public spaces. Not only does this negatively affect the comfort of our community, but it is also a hygiene and safety concern.  An appropriate place for certain activities would be your room with the door shut, at the discretion of your roommate.  Those who disrespect the community and the public spaces within it will be brought to the attention of administration.

For those with questions or concerns regarding health and safety issues, please refer to the Health Services and Health Education websites, links are below.  The Health Education site offers some good advice on a wide array of topics.

Health Services http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/index.htm
Health Education http://www.brown.edu/Student_Services/Health_Services/Health_Education/

Best,

[redacted]
Graduate Student, Ethnomusicology
Community Director, Perkins 22
Brown University

February 16, 2007 10:35 AM by Nick Summers | Link | Comments (17) | Read more: Brown , Dorm life , Sex , Yale , gawker

With notable exceptions, the arts sections of Ivy newspapers are usually home to ponderous, experimental reviews that, rave or pan, make you want to avoid whatever they're reviewing.

We may have to reconsider that in light of "Porn Cures Loneliness," a critical assessment of the adult film Manhunters -- "the story of four women trying to cope in the phallocentric world of bounty hunting" -- in a special Valentines Day edition of the Yale Daily News.

The reviewer, David Thier '09, is clearly a connoisseur. He not only displays a keen eye for porn mechanics, but also manages to exhaust every possible double entendre in the language. A few particularly astute observations: 

“Manhunters” shows [its] audience what a well-told story, sizzling cinematography and barely passable audio quality can do for the largest erogenous zone in the body — the mind....

Gradually, the viewer comes to truly love the manhunters and care about which one of them is going to have sex next. ...

Later, in a fit of self-doubt, the ever-confident heroine yields to the advances of an old flame and lets him in the backdoor to her heart. ...

Expletives seem overly scripted, and it’s not clear whether Kirsten Price is shouting “Oh shit” out of unrestrained ecstasy or because of the 45 degree angle her back is making with the thinly padded floor. Fake breasts either hang like squirrels in burlap sacks or remain fused to the chest with frightening tenacity. ...

Right from the opening credits to the thrilling climax, this is without a doubt a video of people having sex. ...

Next stop Paris Review, Thier.

Clearly, between the nude Men of Branford calendar, naked parties and Calhoun Showergate, Yale is somehow shedding its pasty, coke-addled image to take the lead in Ivy sexiness. And with Sex Week at Yale almost upon us -- why, it's almost enough to take our attention off of the anticlimactic selection of a boring historian we'd never heard of and who resembles Bill Gates as the next head of Harvard.

February 9, 2007 6:30 PM by Nick Summers | Link | Comments (3) | Read more: Harvard , Sex , Yale , gawker

It's the li'l Ivy sex story that could: our item Wednesday morning about two Yale kids doing the ol' how's-your-father in the Calhoun showers, to the consternation of House College Master Jonathan Holloway, Ph.D., has become quite the media sensation. The New Haven Register fronted the news Friday, which was in turn picked up by the Associated Press (no credit given to us -- thanks, John Christoffersen!), which then made its way into some 130 newspapers and TV shows. Including, apparently, the Today Show. Can anyone confirm? We're kind of hoping you can't.

We realized this was funny, but had no idea it would be "shocking" enough to be a national news story. And between blog posts calling this "a new chapter in the story of Yale's continuing descent into the depths of moral degradation" and some older conservative's creepy rebuttal, it's clear there is seething, untapped interest to mine here. And to do it proper, we are going demographic on your ass. May this poll be the Mentos dropped into the Diet Coke of your sexual proprieties.

Have you had sex in the college showers?

Being the master of an undergraduate college at Yale is normally a cushy appointment. You get to host master's teas with Philip Seymour Hoffman and other celebs/talented people; liberally fund nude pictorial calendars; and generally be the "cool professor" who has lots of personal interaction with students.

Sometimes, though, you have to be the law. A Yale tipster shares this bulletin from Prof. Jon Holloway, master of Calhoun College:

From: Jonathan Holloway
To: All Calhoun Students
Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 9:10 AM
Subject: Showers Stalls are for Showering

OK, well THIS is the most awkward college-wide e-mail I've ever had to send....

The college showers are to be used by individuals for hygenic purposes only. They are not to be used by couples engaged in intimate activity--especially that kind of activity that leaves the showers in a decidedly less hygenic state.

Several times since the start of the spring term some Hounies have come across a couple having the time of their lives in a shower stall. Last night the shower flooded and the bathroom could not be used for over 90 minutes. To the as yet unidentified couple, this may be pleasureable and exciting for you but it is a violation of community standards. Please stop.

I really don't want to explore this matter any further as I respect your individual privacy. But such continued brazen public displays of affection will only invite public embarrassment. I beg of you, let's not go there.

JH

This is obvs our favorite reader tip in a long, long time. The fact that a man with a Ph.D. has to police students doing the excitement in the hall shower -- wait, scratch that, is threatening indiscreet students with public embarrassment ... we're betting this didn't come up when Yale offered Holloway the job.

January 31, 2007 11:00 AM by Nick Summers | Link | Comments (37) | Read more: Dorm life , Sex , Yale

Some of the greatest loves in history were never meant to be. Shakespeare's RoMo and JuCap, undone by fate and feud ... Titanic's Jack and Rose, whose impervious love was on a pervious ship ... and Ivory Tower's Lisa Thompson and Adam James, cursed by Harvard's regulations on peer advisor-advisee relations.

It's time for another episode of the Harvard soap opera, and you know what that means! More echoey audio, strained dramatic timing and the most uncomfortably filmed sex since Dakota Fanning's latest. Look for no fewer than five queasy kiss scenes; if you'd like your libido back, stay tuned after the credits for a funny male striptease that'll make you forget what you just saw.

January 22, 2007 10:03 AM by Nick Summers | Link | Comments (10) | Read more: Harvard , Sex , YouTube , hrtv

It's been a while since we checked in on Harvard sex blogger Lena Chen, and boy has the li'l darlin' grown up. Yowza! Between her anonymity-busting, the ensuing media frenzy, and what appears to be a possible book deal, it's clear that writing provocatively about your sex life as a Harvard coed makes things happen fast. Who knew?

There have been bumps along the way, though. Note how she fell into the trap of responding to hate mail, and posting the social itinerary of an upcoming Elle-Does-NYC tour is, frankly, megalomaniacal. But otherwise, Sex and the Ivy appears to be alive and well-sated. Now she's a finalist for the Sex Blog Awards (Yup, more awards coverage, just like you guys have been asking for!!), so we're only doing our fraternal duty by kindly asking you to vote here. If her blog contains even a kernel of truth, chances are there's something in it for you.

January 19, 2007 6:11 PM by Chris Beam | Link | Comments (30) | Read more: Harvard , Sex

The Huffington Post's Rachel Sklar, who's been uncommonly good to this blog and uncommonly destructive to our sobriety, took our "Box in a Box" scoop last week and ran with it, finding that spokesbox Melissa Lamb, a Penn sophomore, isn't a one-woman show. Three others are part of the box team, and Lamb -- who ludicrously denied our outing of her by claiming she has an identical twin -- went on MSNBC with one of them, Leah Kauffman, the (actually very talented) voice box behind the hit song.

That's probably it from this corner -- the secret's out, the star prop sold on eBay for $1525, and we are completely, utterly out of box references. Until next time, genital wordplay fans!

January 16, 2007 4:25 PM by Chris Beam | Link | Comments (3) | Read more: Penn , Sex , YouTube

Maybe it's wrong to think that relationships among coddled Ivy Leaguers are more dysfunctional than most. But this story certainly doesn't kill the myth.

In this week's "Modern Love" column in the Times (the people who brought you the execrable, crowd-pleasing Shamu story), Ashley Cross recounts how she dated a Harvard guy who had been convicted of rape. It's a well-done piece -- honest, restrained, poignant. Which of course makes us wonder, 1) who is this Ashley Cross person and 2) will she date us despite our checkered past? Answering the second depends on figuring out the first. According to the Times bio, Cross "attends Columbia" -- a phrase as pliant and abused as "is a writer." A cursory search of the Columbia directory and Facebook yields nothing. (We sincerely hope this under construction vanity site isn't hers.) Will the real Ashley Cross please stand up, then send digits?

January 16, 2007 12:56 PM by Chris Beam | Link | Comments (11) | Read more: Harvard , Princeton , Sex

Despite what some tabloids would have you believe, Ivy Leaguers aren't getting laid left and right. Sometimes, they even have to turn to Craigslist's Casual Encounters listings to fit sex into their busy schedules. And when they do, they keep those Ivy stereotypes filled to the brim. (Links NSFW.)

• They name-drop.
• They're exclusive.
• They plan ahead. [Ed.: Deleted by author; it was a Dec. 2 ad for a De