It’s not easy being a Republican at Brown these days. Dessert-tossing anarchists and child pornographers abound. Brigades of Speedo-clad men roam the campus with impunity. Residence hall kitchens, once reserved for late-night snacking and polite conversation about Reagan’s legacy, are pioneered for unspeakable X-rated acts. Surely, then, it was only a matter of time before the small but now very angry cabal that is the Brown conservative movement took to the Internets with something like this.

Proudly awarding “demerits” to their liberal enemies for their recent debauchery (and, of course, “merits” to themselves), a spunky group of traditionalists calling themselves the Nathanael Greene Society make it clear that they have had enough. On the Web site, the mysterious group writes (in verse!) about the campus’ loss of “Faith” and “Reason” (capitalizing plenty of nouns along the way) and goes batshit over opinion columns in the Brown Daily Herald and other outrages no one else quite, um, noticed.

Taking few hints from political correctness, the society (named for the dashing Revolutionary War general pictured above) even bestows the “Order of Robert Mugabe” (this already can’t be good, right?) on a black columnist for the BDH. Clever, indeed.

The secret e-society does have some sense of humor (those seeking pecuniary grants form NGS must compose rhymed couplets), but whoever is behind the site apparently wants to remain anonymous, going so far as to register the domain name through a special “private registration” company — whose existence indicates that, apparently, that’s something you can do.

Click through the site, and find out why a pro-choice activist gets a demerit named for Adolf Eichmann, and serial plagiarist and hero Zachary Townsend is likened to Rasputin.

You know how the world is sort of going to pieces, what with expensive gas and rice, and related famines and genocides? As it so happens, even Manhattanites living the kind of charmed existence familiar to fans of Gossip Girl are not immune to tragedy. There’s a terrible affliction plaguing prep schools far and wide (from the Upper East Side to, um, the Upper West Side): “Harvard drought.” This year — for the first time ever — not a single student from the elite Dalton School was admitted to Harvard.

It’s no Darfur, but you wouldn’t know it by the way some of these parents are acting. They are unhappy indeed.

At Dalton’s graduation earlier this month, one mom was heard muttering, “I won’t send my grandchildren here, that’s for sure.”

Oh, snap.

Read the rest of this entry »

Folks have apparently known for awhile that Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal participated in, ahem, an exorcism while a student at Brown. Now that Jindal has been increasingly mentioned as a potential vice presidential candidate for John McCain’s ticket, it seems like a good time to go over the details again. As TPM’s comprehensive roundup reminds us, Jindal wrote extensively about this experience, in which he and his prayer meeting buddies exorcised the demon out of his friend “Susan” and cured her cancer to boot.

More Satan-rific details after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

So remember when Brown student / enraged leftist Margaree Little pied Tom Friedman in the face and some of us thought it was awesome and others were like, no, I love semi-retarded columns about globalization?  Well, we finally have a visual on her, people. Let’s just say it makes her seem a little less like an adorable hippie and a bit too much like a real revolutionary. In retrospect, Tom Friedman got off easy. Up against the wall, motherfuckers.

So yesterday the internets were all a-twitter with news that Tom Friedman got pied in the face by an unhinged Brown leftist. Here’s the footage you’ve been waiting for.

Brown students really are the Ivy League’s revolutionary vanguard. Yesterday, at a guest lecture by New York Times pseudo-journalist Thomas Friedman, two students accomplished their revolutionary duty: they pied Friedman in the face. One woman was caught by an intrepid professor, even as her male accomplice got away.

The Brown Daily Herald with the scoop:

At the same time the woman threw the pie, a male accomplice seated a few rows back ran down the aisle and onto the stage, throwing small pamphlets explaining the actions into the crowd. After the pie hit Friedman and splattered on his face and torso, the two jumped offstage and ran out of the southeast exit of the building, followed closely by a man trying to catch them. A police officer also ran toward the exit but stayed inside. The thrower was eventually caught by police, who detained her in Salomon’s lobby before moving her elsewhere.

According to our commenters, “the pie thrower was Margaree Little ‘08, a transfer from Colby who is responsible for much of the pro-Palestinian activism at Brown.” Pro-Palestinian views or not, the pamphlet thrown on the floor by the would-be revolutionaries does a pretty good job of justifying the pie-throwing, accusing Friedman of a “sickeningly cheery applaud for free market capitalism’s conquest of the planet” and “for helping turn environmentalism into a fake plastic consumer product for the privileged.”

After the jump: the aftermath, sort of.

Read the rest of this entry »

• 
• Brown: Child pornographer / Brown hockey player sentenced to slap on the wrist.
• Cornell: I heart Huckabee.
• Columbia: “Columbia Students for a Free Tibet address each other as “freedom fighters.” The insurgents in Iraq also share this revered name.” A batshit column by another Chinese propagandist. Have you no sense of decency, ma’am? At long last, have you no sense of decency?
• Harvard: Don’t worry, kids. Primal Scream won’t be affected by that pesky 1784 lewdness law that’s still on the books.
• Dartmouth: So they’re arresting kids for marijuana again.
• Penn: Doesn’t Barack Obama know the DP isn’t worth his time?
• Princeton: “An Yi ‘10, a Chinese student, said she thinks the protests against China are based on misinformation spread by a biased Western media.” Have these Chinese shills infiltrated all of our campuses?
• Yale: Gaylies having a tough time of it.

• 
• Brown: How many times must a man turn his head...
• Cornell: A campus winery!
• Columbia: A brand new effort to prevent Columbia kids from shitting on “ditzy Barnard girls.“
• Penn: Proud members of the Colbert Nation!
• Princeton: “I totally got raped by my history test.”
• Harvard: “And while it may seem futile and even self-indulgent to sit uncomfortably in an armchair in William James feeling guilty, the opportunity for honest confrontation of our privilege as Harvard undergraduates will prove worthwhile as long as it informs future interactions with those that might not share in the same advantage.”
• Yale: Check out “Yale Decides 2008″ - it’s a parody but without the self-knowledge!

• 
• Brown: “Swedish ‘moved much more powerfully into my own interests,’ said Arnold, who was already very familiar with the language. ‘I wouldn’t have become a Scandinavian literature scholar (otherwise).’ The two now often teach Swedish classes together. ‘It’s sort of a mom-and-pop operation.’”
• Cornell: Junot Diaz went here!
• Columbia: Batshit crazy Anthony Kelley writes another batshit column.
• Dartmouth: Prof’s wife’s trip to the Big House.
• Harvard: Zuckerberg to settle lawsuit; ConnectU founders to cry themselves to bed every night in their new McMansions.
  
• Penn: “The best part of living at home is the freedom; I feel like I’m not restricted by anything.” How about your parents, son?
• Princeton: Imagine! I once had one of these “coveted slots!”
• Yale: Student fakes record to gain entry to Yale; see our post below.

• 
• Brown: Obama’s brother-in-law may be running for higher coaching office — in Oregon.
  
• Cornell: More ‘68 nostalgia!
• Columbia: Transexual youths on the streets!
• Dartmouth: Let’s get those frats re-recognized.
• Harvard: Remember that i-banking job your d-bag friend was bragging about? The one he got at Bear Stearns? Well, he’s not bragging anymore.
  
• Penn: “It’s unfortunate that in your own dorm you can’t feel safe leaving your belonging unattended.”
• Princeton: At long last, The Prince admits that it is truly a terrible newspaper.
• Yale: New Haven is now officially less dangerous than Philadelphia.