Too Bad He Didn’t Steal Some Clothes
Victims of Penn dorm-thief Jason Myers (Wharton ‘08) — who stole high-end electronic playthings from unlocked rooms in Harnwell over break — can take comfort in the fact that the ass who stole their iPhones has an ass that looks like this:
Actually, that’s not comforting at all. But at least he looks good in orange?
Dubbed “Mr. Pennitentiary” by DP blog The Spin, Myers is not just the latest example of Penn kids behaving badly, but is the reigning Mr. Penn, champ of the Ivy League’s one and only bodybuilding contest! Expect his roid rage defense in court any day now. Though Myers was ‘07 at the time of his Mr. Penn coronation, he is now ‘08, and will probably be ‘09 or ‘10 pretty soon, because people who burglarize entire dormitories don’t usually get to graduate on time. If at all.
Since the greased-up super-muscled Myers dancing to showtunes in front of an American flag is probably the closest thing the Penn has ever had to a superhero, we’re not sure who can save this university from criminal implosion, now. It might be time for the Gutbomb to declare martial law.
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December 5th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
i hope girls don’t actually find that attractive.
December 5th, 2007 at 1:30 pm
so the kid can take alot of steroids and bulk up. i bet he is surprisingly unstrong and could get his ass kicked by a much scrawnier lad.
December 5th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
Anyone with muscle is strong. Muscle = strength. But muscle doesn’t translate into fighting ability. Strong people often lose fights.
And that’s highly unattractive. He looks one of those Peking Ducks one could find in any storefront of any restaurant in any Chinatown, except those ducks don’t move and flex like that.
December 5th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Wait, so Penn’s so big they have they’re own bodybuilding competition? Might as well be Ohio State.
December 5th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Why the fuck is Penn an ivy? I think this video justifies that question now more than ever. Why doesn’t Wharton just secede from Penn??? it’s like having a gem among trash
December 5th, 2007 at 7:54 pm
you seem to be forgetting the “Mr. SEAS” competition at the Engineering school at Columbia. Zvi Galil is WAY buffer than anybody, and he would kick ANYONE’S ass in a fight.
December 5th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
Fucking turkey.
December 6th, 2007 at 2:21 am
I love that even though we are one of the most elite institutions in the world, we have to one-up our own elitism by continually tearing each other down. Why is Penn an Ivy? Why cornell? Why anything but harvard?
December 6th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
You get that he’s in Wharton, right?
December 8th, 2007 at 10:46 am
It can happen to anyone anywhere. The guy has some issues that he may not even be conscious of. Let’s not turn this into an opportunity to put schools down. There is more to an Ivy league school than just several bad students. I am sure some of the other Ivy schools have events like this going on but are just fortunate enough to keep them under cover (or they are just too common that they are not sensational any more).
December 18th, 2007 at 10:16 pm
I agree there is a problem with bodybuilders. they pretty much do steroids, cut classes, and are up to no good. im a engineer and if i could, i would invent a medicine that shrinks muscle so those bodybuilders won’t have so much testosterone.
March 28th, 2008 at 1:39 pm
Sasha: Penn’s so big because it has four schools. And your business school is called? … oh, right.
Question…: Penn’s the first university in the country. The Ivy is the first college sports league in the country. 2+2 = ? I’ll give you a few hours since you clearly didn’t go to one.
George: That muscle shrinking medicine you want to invent is called joining DTD.
Read what Marina wrote and think about the esteemed government officials and religious leaders that perpetually “shock” us with their illegal behavior. Today is the first time I heard about this incident and I’m pretty shocked that Jason was behind this. I knew Jason in a social and academic capacity, and he was a seemingly level-headed guy with a gentle temperament, not the roid-raging a-hole most have written him off to be. Everyone’s got skeletons in their closet. Read your newspaper’s Frontpage for some reminder.