Welcome to the semifinals, dearest IvyGate readers! All of the groups have been introduced, and half of them have been destroyed forever. In the final two first round matches yesterday, the #7 Princeton Roaring 20 upset the #2 Brown Jabberwocks, 64% to 36%. It was a shocking rebuke to what we thought was an algebraically infallible seeding system — we put a whole four minutes into picking the bracket Monday afternoon, you people! *Tears.* Anyway, in yesterday’s other match and the closest to date, #3 Absolute A Cappella (Cornell) edged off #6 Living Water (Yale), 58% to 42%. It appears from the comments that Living Water presented a quandary for voters — they were competent, but they also kept singing about the blood of Christ. And as we all know, Jesus gets no love on Halloween.

Semis, after the jump. 

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You’ll have to excuse newbie RagTimer Juli for mistaking the Cornell Daily Sun’s joke issue for reality. The unprecedented candor of this “joke” editorial totally threw us:

[W]e are committed to providing the Cornell community with the most biased and slanted news coverage we possibly can. We uphold our commitment to bringing you news stories that fail to localize national events, op-ed pieces that “opine” on issues too lofty for a collegiate audience (i.e. funny Halloween costumes and casual sex) and sports coverage that fails to straddle the delicate line between fact and fiction. If we could print on toilet paper, we probably would.

Actually, since “biased and slanted” presupposes original thought (not the Sun’s strongest suit, nor that of any other publication run by college students, this one included), we’ll give them a free pass there. Nonetheless, there was some thoroughly titillating stuff on the cornellsun.com domain today. We found it by following the “Click here for real articles” link.

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(Note: we have literally nothing. Please send us something.)

I would consider this Dartmouth Halloween video a success in the sense that I am now frightened to go to Hanover.

• Brown: Rigorous challenging of political ideals occurs as Al Franken addresses Brown students at Blue State Coffee
  
• Cornell: “With over 400 students packed into the tiny bar, Dino’s became an instant sleaze fest when 50 year old cameraman and registered sex offender Rick Stanley ‘79 called action on the set.”
• Columbia: Is Goldman Sachs intern’s best insult really “You think you’re so good, don’t you British boy”? 
• Dartmouth: Luckily for Programming Board, Dartmouth Cords’ schedule is presumably wide open
• Harvard: “The Macintosh computer is the emasculated plaything of the effete, limp-wristed parlor liberals who have too much money and too little sense.”
• Penn: Democratic presidential candidates participate in Philadelphia debate. Meanwhile, Mike Gravel watches from home.
• Yale: “Now that it is seasonably cold outside, where is your precious Al Gore now?”

 –Compiled by Juli Weiner

Don’t forget to vote in the second bout of our Worst A Capella of the Ivy League smackdown, pitting Brown vs. Princeton and Cornell vs. Yale. Polls close at 5PM EST for Quarterfinal Round 2; QF Round 3 starts 6-ish.

In a bizarre counterpoint to Pilbeamgate, Yale Dean Amerigo Fabbri apologized to students for calling the police and breaking up a college-sanctioned Halloween party on Saturday.

See if you can follow: according to a must-read article in the Yale Daily News, Fabbri ratted out the party because he didn’t realize it was actually Pierson College’s annually-sanctioned, alcohol-fueled romp, some sort of Yale tradition called “Inferno.”  No, Fabbri thought the 400 kids standing around Pierson in a drunken stupor were simply “overspill” from smaller parties.

Fabbri’s problem seems to have been the idea that the kiddies were drinking on their own tab and not on Yale’s. Thanks to this little mix-up, the cops came and arrested a whole bunch of students.  Oops!

After the jump: an excerpt (thank you YDN!) from Fabbri’s abject plea for forgiveness.

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Welcome to Day Two! Day One featured two landslides, with #1, Penn’s Chord on Blues, trouncing #8, Harvard’s Fallen Angels by like 70 percent. Dartmouth’s Cords (#4) also steamrolled the competition and beat Columbia’s Nonsequitur (#5) by like 70 percent too. Thanks for playing, Harvard and Columbia!

But let us celebrate not! We must trudge forth with today’s matches, however aurally painful that becomes. One of today’s contestants will introduce two thus-far overlooked a cappella tropes: white rapping and beatboxing. LOTS of both.

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So members of the Brown Republican Club stage a “Honk to Bomb Iran” protest. A local progressive filmmaker accosts them. Hilarity ensues as you might expect, but ultimately everyone in this video loses. From the young Republican character douched-out in argyle and oxford-cloth who shrilly protests, “Sir, sir, sir, I’m telling you if could not flash that in my face,” to the low-rent Michael Moore character who has taken it upon himself to bravely document the affair (”My dad was in da big one. India-China-Burma. He really fought, not like you gois.”

Some highlights:

Filmmaker: “You guys really go to school here, huh?”

…

Girl: “What kind of message are you going to like send to other people.”

Brown Republican: [holding a "honk to bomb Iran" sign] “The message is pretty clear. It says honk to bomb Iran.”

…

Girl: “Do you understand what democracy is?

Brown Republican: “No, can you explain it to me?”

..

Brown Republican: “I’m not a Republican, I’m a libertarian.”

Filmmaker: “Oh that’s a big difference.”

.. 

Filmmaker: “Do you believe that freedom is free?”

Brown Republican: “I don’t believe in quoting Toby Keith.”

Filmmaker: “Who is Toby Keith?”

Never one to beat around the sugarbush, The D continues its campaign of subliminal messaging via editorial error in today’s web edition, where Claire Murray’s column “A Conception of Contraception” contains the text of Zachary Gottlieb’s “Rushing Girls,” chronicling Mr. Woolfe’s self-described “humiliating” love life.

This is extra-funny because Mr. Gottlieb is a bit notorious for less-than-PC humor when it comes to the womens. Today’s column explains the parallels between getting chicks and rushing frats:

For a fraternity, men must charm brothers hoping to get a bid so that they can be physically and mentally abused for two months. Sound familiar, Jennifer? Kidding, kidding. But seriously, give me back my hair dryer.

Either The D made a boo-boo, or Ms. Murray has a wicked (arguably sick) sense of humor.

• Cornell: White boy defends Watson on intelligence
  
• Penn: Philadelphia continues to be scary
• Brown: Quit putting my nation up your nose, Colombian ambassador tells Plan Colombia protesters who might also enjoy drugs
• Harvard: Scientists discover redheaded Neanderthal; analysis of prehistoric firecrotch forthcoming
• Columbia: Best way to waste your $160,000 education

Don’t forget to vote in the first bout of our Worst A Capella of the Ivy League smackdown, pitting Penn vs. Harvard and Columbia vs. Dartmouth. Polls close at 5PM EST for Quarterfinal Round 1; QF Round 2 starts 6-ish.

It’s on! After the jump, the first two matches of IvyGate’s Worst A Cappella Group in the Ivy League Tournament 2k7!

Watch. Vomit. Vote. They all look and sound funny!  

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