But really, will there ever be another Aleksey?
Penn grad Zachary Michaelson lands on the cover of Trader Monthly’s “Top 30 Under 30” edition this month (link goes to companion website, Trader Daily). Which is cool for Zach, but pretty sucky for Trader Monthly, seeing how their cover boy was already out of his job at Fortress Investment by the issue’s debut.
Actually, it’s not that cool for Zach, either. (Did you really think he’d get off so easily?) Now he’s the laughingstock of Wall Street blog DealBreaker, where former co-workers are dishing on how “totally full of it” the alleged wunderkind was. Some claim Michaelson never even held the position “portfolio manager.” Then again, his CNBC interview billed him “global portfolio manager specializing correlation modeling seeking trades that are at once global, macro, and relative value,” so the two-word title is a sin of omission, if anything. DealBreaker readers have already christened Zach the next Aleksey Vayner. Impossible is nothing? Or a ridiculously ill-timed job loss, paired with the modicum of tool-itude we have come to expect from basically everyone on Wall Street — especially the young hot ones?
We were inclined towards the latter and willing to give Zach a break. But then one of his Kappa Sigma brothers from Penn wrote in:
He was… kicked out of the house for trying to start a fight with his roommate with a hammer because his roommate was smoking in the room. When his roommate pushed him away, Michaelson called the police. He also threatened to expose violations by the House if we didn’t let him live in the chapter house.
Silly boy — homoerotic frat fights are for paddles, not hammers! Sources conflict as to whether Michaelson was kicked out, or quit as soon as he realized he could not secure the 5 (out of about 40) votes necessary to maintain house residency. We’re still wondering how assault with a deadly weapon and the threat of blackmail amounted to the support of a single Kappa Sig (apparently there were three).
View Michaelson’s CNBC interview and more “Top 30 Under 30″ tidbits, after the jump.
Michaelson on CNBC:
And in Trader Monthly’s companion website, Trader Daily:
(Drawbridge Relative Value Fund is part of Fortress Investment. We hear there’s also a Dungeons & Dragons Hybrid Hedge Fund and Princess Toadstool Macro Exchange.) –MAUREEN O’CONNOR
Related Posts
25 Comments | 
Digg This | 
Share on Facebook | 
Print This Post
| 
Email This Post
Read more: aleksey vayner, guest editors, kappa sigma, Penn, zachary michaelson
Search
Email
About
Report a bug
Archives
RSS Feed
August 18th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
Drink every time this idiot mutters the word “volatility”. Investing 101, what a flake. Failed a philosophy class too? I wouldn’t be surprised if Daddy got him this “investment” job.
August 18th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
I give him props for signing this though.
http://dolphin.upenn.edu/~pisrael/dpad.pdf
August 19th, 2007 at 1:09 pm
Well done Maureen. Your most scathing article since “Oh So Fresh.” PS, they made another issue.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:15 pm
From observation, the University of Pennsylvania is the biggest collection of douches in the whole wide world. Why is that?
P.S. It is almost funny that Mr. Michaelson did not insist on being referred to as a graduate of Wharton as opposed to a graduate of Penn. Props to him for avoiding this further act of douchery.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:42 pm
He ran around $130MM? And this merits the cover of Trader? WTF? What next? A cover story on Hotshots of the Backoffice? Top Under-30 Trading Assistants?
Who doesn’t know at least a few people his age running that much on Wall St? It’s certainly not what I’d call news. And I’m sorry, but quitting a PhD program doesn’t impress me. Either you couldn’t hack it, you didn’t do enough research beforehand to know what you were getting into, or you weren’t self-aware enough to see that a PhD might not be for you. Yet he clearly felt the need to mention this ‘accomplishment’ to the interviewer. Tool.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:42 am
anyone boasting about using eigenvalues for time series is a fool. eigenvalues/vectors (aka pca) have serious problems (reproducibility? relevance?). for analyzing (non-normal) log-returns, they are utter trash. he might have learned that had he stayed at wharton.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:38 am
As a member of Kappa Sig at Penn at the time of the incidents in question, I can assure you that everything said about Michaelson’s past thus far is completely accurate. The kid was/is an absolute human tragedy.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:39 am
As a member of Kappa Sig at Penn at the time of the incidents in question, I can assure you that everything said about Michaelson’s past thus far is completely accurate. The kid was/is an absolute human tragedy.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:03 am
He sounds like he has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Columbia 08:
My thoughts exactly.
Wharton has the uncanny talent to attract the most insufferable of douchebags.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:47 pm
he’s neat
August 21st, 2007 at 1:40 pm
He’s hot. I’m surprised no one has mentioned that.
August 21st, 2007 at 3:28 pm
Who cares if he’s hot? Next you’ll say you got turned on by Vayner tango dancing. Doesn’t intelligence and decency factor into your opinion of who is ‘hot’?
He can’t even lie well: He told Dealbreaker he was still employed at Fortress — but refused to back up that assertion in any way. But hey, if you like the von Munchhausen Syndrome types, you’re welcome to them.
August 21st, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I’m a professor.
August 21st, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Chill out @Penn ‘09. I’m not saying I want to marry the guy, or that it has anything to do with the article about him, I’m just saying “damn! nice looking fellow.”
August 21st, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Why is some doucherocket from Penn State reading our blog? Don’t they have a blog for sweet, sweet dudes who still wear visors, major in “food services”, take snowboarding for credit, and say things like, “totally, dude!!!” about the cover of the newest FHM magazine?
August 21st, 2007 at 11:30 pm
To Shittany Lions: the prestigeous Upenn State, if you will.
August 22nd, 2007 at 7:35 am
Yeah, some people might actually know and dislike the guy. But that’s always the case, and there’s a mean-spiritedness in venting personal grievances in a public forum like this. For the rest of us, it’s just taking pleasure in the misfortune of someone we envy. How could we not gloat at the spectacle of Michaelson’s having it all snatched away in a moment? How could we not relish the irony of his appearing on the cover of TM and being interviewed on CNBC just when everything’s been snatched away? And is there any more to it than the layoff of one quant trader (among several at FIG and elsewhere) in a downturn for quant trading? There’s no one who doesn’t face the specter (so to speak) of layoff in a downturn. It’s not bad karma for going to Penn or failing philosophy or pissing off his frat brethren.
August 22nd, 2007 at 8:39 am
@Zafar: I’ll repeat myself: Running $130 million before age 30 is not a big deal. It’s not unheard of; it’s not unusual. Second, his interview indicates he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Third, it’s drilled into your head in finance that you don’t talk to the media — because they or somebody else will make you look like a fool.
The irony was not his getting fired; it was his ever appearing on a “30 under 30″ list. Getting fired was merely the culmination of the three failings I mention above. Traders face the very real prospect of getting fired on any day. That’s why you sweat risk, play nicely with others, and work your ass off — so you can walk out the door at night and say ‘I more than made my salary; I learned something that will help me make more later; and, I didn’t piss anyone off doing it.’ To see someone violate that basic creed and get fired is not the story of Icarus.
August 22nd, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Kappa Sig? What a shocker.
August 24th, 2007 at 9:13 am
what an a-hole
August 24th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Jeff Macke (the bald guy) is a Dartmouth alum. Just thought I’d point that out. Somehow I think he just proved the notion that Dartmouth students are more down to earth than the pre-programmed Wharton soulless machines.
August 28th, 2007 at 8:48 pm
To “wharton got owned” — Michaelson is your Wharton outlier. You’re bound to get a couple of those in an undergrad biz school. As a person that knew him at Penn, he deserves everything he’s getting right now. Smug bastard should be dragged through Wall Street tarred and feathered.
September 10th, 2007 at 1:08 pm
Zafar Khan has no clue what he’s talking about. This guy was despised at Penn for good reason. He even annoyed the faculty with his arrogance and complete bullshit. Any temporary stardom in the media was clearly due to lack of fact-checking and a low bullshit detector. If you knew the stories of his previous jobs, his classes, his fraternity, even his relationships, you’d see how it all fit together. Even his wife is a self-promoting backstabber. She was the best friend of his serious girlfriend and started dating him behind her friend’s back. Then she cheated on him with a random guy in a bar. This guy has no judgment or character and has had this coming for a long time.
October 18th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
KS, that’s all fine and dandy what you just said. He has no soul. He deserves all that’s thrown at him.
But what can you say to the yen being undervalued.