Cornellgasm: President Skorton’s First Day

by Chris Beam | August 25, 2006 at 1:08 am

Cornellgasm: President Skorton's First DayFinally, a president who knows how to get. Shit. Done. After only one day as commander-in-chief of Cornell University, David J. Skorton has already divested from Sudan, taken the swim test, and met with George Pataki. Twice! Students love the guy -- check out his 96 percent job approval rating, care of the Sun's highly scientific online poll.

So with all this goodwill to spare, why the hell are Skorton and his wife moving into a freshman dorm? "Don't worry," he reassured the Class of 2010. "We won't be keeping an eye on you." Mister, you're missing the point. They don't want to keep an eye on you. Do you think students want to pass the head of university administration coming out of the shower every morning? Listen to the amorous bedsqueaks of President and Mrs. Skorton? Those are things you can't unsee, sir, things you can't unhear. Don't put the children through it.

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3 Responses to “Cornellgasm: President Skorton’s First Day”

  1. Anonymous Says:
    August 29th, 2006 at 10:40 am

    the dorm he’s moving into has an adult residence in it. I mean it’s not like he’s going to be passing co-eds in the hallway: he’ll have nice living quarters with a livingroom etc.

  2. Anonymous Says:
    August 31st, 2006 at 8:15 pm

    No way, Anon. He should have gone to the penthouse apts in highrise 1 or 5. Those are swanky and you can get radio reception way up there.

  3. urbanite Says:
    September 1st, 2006 at 10:26 am

    ooh radio reception…what other great new technical innovations have come to the wilds of ithaca lately?