There are certain things you'd expect of a Harvard lax recruit who went on to work at a hedge fund and boast of his penchant for Sarah Palin on Facebook.  Co-founding a restaurant with Britney Spears' dad and then using his Harvard connections to find Brit Brit the perfect Online Media Manager (the rest of the Ivy League--and all other plebians--need not apply) is not one of them.

Good job, Joe Nejman (H' 03).  You've suprised me, and not in that "oh, wow, it's soooo much bigger than I'd thought" way.  Joe, I've got a present for you: the Epic Elitist D-Bag of the Week award.  Congrats.

Because, of course, when Britney Spears needs someone to manage her online persona, Princeton and Yale grads just won't cut it--especially with such tough job requirements as being "a Social media expert with Googloe [sic] Analytics." The job ad, taken off a Harvard-only private job board, after the jump:

Read the rest of this entry »

• Cornell: Cornell's president might be, but probably isn't, meeting with Ahmadinejad.
• Cornell: The memorial service for dead '08'er is sad, the fact that they read parts of his moldering admissions essay out loud to the community is terrifying.
• Penn: Nerds at other schools hack Victoria's Secret competition, Penn grudgingly applauds but can't veil their bitterness at having lost
• Princeton: Instead of simulating poverty, students simulate homophobia, except, actually, they don't.
• Harvard: "The most unsuccessful show ever"
• Harvard (or is it Yale?): We iz in ur paperz, writin ur editorialz
• Dartmouth: "Anonymous" doesn't mean that you can sleep safely, my pretties.  They will KNOW IT IS YOU.

• Brown: students who protested the corporation meeting and made it inside are being punished, students who created diversion are not.
• Cornell: College bartenders- they watch girls comb through dude's pubes and have sex on bar stools.
• Penn: Anderton (of fearsome, identity-thieving duo Anderton & Kirsch) to be sentenced today
• Princeton: Smug that an alum might be appointed to a cabinet-level position in Obama-Biden administration.
• Harvard: True Love Revolution hosts an abstinence discussion, cautions speaker not to be homophobic, but he still offends people anyway
• Dartmouth: Cuts budget by $40m, which will apparently "have consequences." Ya think?
• Yale: Most intellectual cheerleaders ever decide to resurrect ancient Greek cheer for Princeton-Yale game

Aleksey Vayner, Yale ’07, clearly has nefarious plans.  I mean, this is the man who circulated an eleven-page CV around Wall Street, made a video resume of himself ballroom dancing and lifting weights (crotch-eye view!), “wrote” and “published” a book from the perspective of female Holocaust survivors, declared himself CEO of a suspiciously hard to track down company, and tragically lost his shot at a pro tennis career when his partner suffered a sprained wrist only moments before their first match at the US Open.

Aleksey Vayner is not, for example, the sort of guy you would expect to update his blog with pathetic little posts entitled "Best Way to Fight Fat!"  Well, maybe.  Like, if the best way to fight fat was to buy his nonexistent book, Millionaire's Blueprint To Success.

But this?

Basically, if you are successful at losing weight, you’ll burn fewer calories per day then [sic.] someone of the same weight but who was not overweight and did not diet to shed pounds. This is one of many reasons you find it easier to gain weight (and then some) after you have just lost some weight.

Read the rest of this entry »

• Brown: Co-ops not above the economic crisis, blame lack of records, we predict smackdown.
• Brown: Best. Idea. Ever. Ordain your roommate online, or ordain yourself or, hell, ordain your little Jewish Bubbie for Chanukkah--she'll love it!
  
• Penn: McVillains: "They come in here and set each other on fire, or throw up on each other."
• Princeton: Smugness about Princeton grad heading Obama's transition team doesn't stop them from using crap picture of the guy.
• Harvard: University sues Filipino Jeans Company with dumbest brand idea ever.
• Harvard: It's on, Yale Daily News!

It's election eve, Ivy Leaguers, and we at IvyGate are hoping that you'll all go out and vote tomorrow for Obama.  But until the polls open, you'll need something to do with your lives (besides eating half-off Halloween candy from the grocery store), and we humbly suggest that you check out YA For Obama.  YA For Obama is a social networking site created by young adult (YA) novelist Maureen Johnson (Columbia SOA '03).  It's also the website where both Judy Blume and the creator of Gossip Girl officially endorse IvyGate's favorite candidate.  We sat down with Maureen Johnson to find out how she came up with the idea for a political website that targets, well, people who aren't old enough to vote (aka next year's doe-eyed frosh).  Check out the interview after the jump:

Read the rest of this entry »

Oh yes, this just in: the Daily Princetonian is (allegedly!) being audited by the New Jersey Department of Labor.  According to our anonymous source, an incriminating and highly contraband email from the Prince’s tax guy, and our nose for scandal, it is SO on.  DOL vs. the Daily Princetonian.  And we’re taking bets.

Intrepid journalists that we are, Ivygate decided to contact the Prince for their side of the story. After a week of emails unanswered, phone calls dodged, futile attempts to leave a voice mail in their filled capacity box, and a bevy of confused business office lackeys who promised to “pass on our message,” Ivygate finally heard back from the Business Manager at the Prince. What he said: “no comment”. What we heard: “damn you, Ivygate, how did you guess?”

Don't concern yourselves with our seeming omniscience, Daily Princetonian. Just make sure that all of you who were issued a 1099 from the paper for 2007 have your stories straight, and your contraband hidden in your hollowed out textbooks.

And as for you, readers, we'll let you know how this scandal plays out.

Oh, God, this is almost too awesome to bear:

"If you havin' Church problems then don't blame God, son...
I got ninety-five theses but the Pope ain't one."

It's not a new joke, taking Jay-Z's "99 Problems" and using it to reference Martin Luther, but Writer-Director Alexander Dominitz, Yale '09, creates such a flawless music video from the concept that I don't effing care.  For real, Yale's student run Bulldog Productions has rolled out one of the most hilarious YouTube videos that I've seen in a long time.  Except for the opening sequence, "95 Theses" was shot on Yale's campus, mostly in Saybrook, Branford and Davenport Colleges.  The costumes were courtesy of the Yale Theater Department.  And yes, those old guys are professors.

Oh, and just in case the talent and vision it took to pull off this amazing little video aren't already making you sick with jealousy, Yale actually paid for the production, which received the Peter Schtack Fund for Filmmaking (granted by the Master and Dean of Saybrook College).  So next time you're using school funding to conduct research that involves way too many hours of Excel spreadsheets and SPSS, remember that the cool kids at Yale are getting funding to make badass historically-accurate rap videos.  Damn you, cool kids, damn you.

You can also check out their website for cast bios and more information: 95ThesesRap.com.

After Bwog helpfully suggested that Columbia students without more awesome weekend plans check out Zombiecon, I figured that my weekend plans certainly weren't more awesome than dressing up as a zombie and terrorizing the streets of Manhattan with my fellow undead.  This year's theme was Wall Street, and we at IvyGate spotted a number of Columbia grads in their mournful, bloody business wear partying amongst the other zombies who traipsed through Macy's, staggered down Wall Street, and drunk-danced at Continental.  If there were any recently-unemployed Whartonites hiding behind the sheepish Columbia B-Schoolers, they weren't owning up.  More braaaains (and people dressed as barely-undead douchebag bankers and undead Sarah Palin) after the jump:

Read the rest of this entry »

I sort of have a crush on Bwog right now because they've created a game that warms my neurotic, sarcastic little heart: Butler (Library) Bingo.  Per Bwog, "the game board is filled with 25 of Butler's most common annoyances and quirks around exam season."  Readers comment in, Gossip Girl-Like, to let Bwog know which offense they've spotted in the library.  And they're only one square away from getting bingo.  This is awesome in so many ways, and not just because us epic library nerds can print our own copies of the game board and challenge each other to death matches in the 6th floor "Red Zone" reading rooms.

We at IvyGate encorage you to make like Facebook founder Zuckerberg "create" your own game boards for the libraries at your respective schools.  And let us know in the comments which grievous library offences you're planning to put on yours.