The residents of the dormitories administered by Harvard's Graduate School of Arts and Sciences are a diverse bunch. With so many students coming from different backgrounds, it's hard to guarantee that all of them have had access to American-style porcelain in their home countries. And even if they did, were they using it properly? Doubtful, because you haven't even been using your bathroom appropriately if you've ever blown your nose, brushed your teeth, had sex, or vomited anywhere in it.

To make sure the new grad students don't bring any of those bad habits to the Best College in the Universe, the GSAS housing administration offers residents an absurd little pamphlet titled "Bathroom Etiquette." Sources tell us the Harvard freshman don't get this, rendering the gift all the more sad for 23+ year-olds. The information covered is simple enough, but some of it is shocking when you realize people had to do this stuff a lot to earn it a spot in the pamphlet. Organized into what is inappropriate and appropriate to do in the shower, toilets, and sinks, the concerned student learns how to govern himself in the mystical chamber of secrets found down the hall. Read the rest of this entry »

Earlier we let you know that noted hand-bra model and erstwhile A-lister Ashley Judd was enrolling in Harvard's Kennedy School of Government to pursue its mid-career master of public affairs. While the news of an out-of-work actress turned activist matriculating into a master's program is hardly noteworthy beyond the Ivy League gossip blog circuit, it got a fair amount of press. And any good star faced with publicity will make a show of ducking it in an effort to live like a normal person. A normal person who didn't used to make movies, that is.

Judd seems to be nervous about people remembering her in gems like The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood and Eye of the Beholder, because she's requested Harvard take additional steps to protect her privacy as a student. MPA program director Robin Engel sent out an e-mail last month detailing what the best university in the country is doing to make Judd feel like one of the little people. Among the efforts are a public block on her registration information, a security officer at program coffee breaks, and directing all calls about the 1990 University of Kentucky graduate to her Hollywood publicist. No word on whether on not they will issue her the same pamphlet the other Harvard graduate students got.

HYP: Time to celebrate. Everyone else: Get ready to be pissed off.

Justin Pope over at the Associated Press scooped the US News & World Report college rankings by 6 and a half hours. While we vivisected some of the rankings from the the Princeton Review's "Best 371 Colleges" and Forbes, no one cares about those lists.

Onward past the jump to the rankings that really matter, which we arrange into a handy, numbered list, because for some reason Pope didn't do that. Read the rest of this entry »

Remember a time when all you had to do to get a job was be a white male Ivy League graduate and show up? Not since 2004 have such impressive qualifications given you a shot at even the presidency, let alone any other job. In today's tough climate for the white male it's up to the AMC show Mad Men to remind us of how good things used to be. And man, do caucasians love this show.

The third season of the award-winning show premiered last Sunday, and every week for the next three months we will be transported back to the 1960s. It was a time when everyone smoked, "diversity" meant hiring Italians, getting drunk at 10 a.m. was a good day, and cheating on your wife and mistress with a prostitute was the rule. In honor of the third season of this ode to status and excess, we've put together a list to help readers put a face to an alma mater. Hopefully, it'll reinforce some stereotypes as well. Go to red spoiler alert! Read the rest of this entry »

Adopting foreign babies against their parents' wishes is so aus. Acquiring advanced degrees is what's in. So to make up for five years out of the spotlight, Ashley Judd is doing just that. It turns out the starlet hasn't made a memorable movie since Double Jeopardy a decade ago because she's been busy saving the world from HIV/AIDS and using her hands as a bra.

To certify that she is capable of doing the former professionally, Ms. Judd just enrolled in Harvard's Kennedy School of Government for its Mid-Career Master in Public Administration (MC/MPA). Should she actually graduate, Judd will join such notable alumni as Mexican President Felipe Calderon, Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, Mongolian President Tsakhiagiin Elbegdorj, and Bill O'Reilly.

Seeing as most of her recent movies have either been released abroad or are just weird, it's a perfect time for some retraining at the best university in the country. In your eye of newt, Emma Watson.

What with some members of Boston area police departments busy arresting innocent black professors, not apologizing, getting suspended for penning racist e-mails about said incident, and having beers with the President there doesn't seem to be much time left in the day to investigate the deadly shooting that occurred in May in Harvard's Kirkland House.

One suspect, Jabrai Copney, turned himself in shortly after the shooting, but it took the NYPD to bring in the other two alleged murderers. Blayn "Bliz" Jiggetts was arrested in June, and according to The Crimson they placed Jason Aquino under arrest on a Massachusetts warrant just yesterday.

Copney recently pled not guilty to all five charges he is facing in connection with the death of alleged Cambridge drug dealer Justin Cosby, who died shortly after what the Middlesex DA described as a failed drug robbery.  The other two suspects are in New York jail awaiting extradition. Case closed. The arrest scoreboard now stands at Cambridge police 0, NYPD 2, criminals 1, Harvard 1 expulsion. It's probably safe to say it hasn't been a good summer for the Cambridge police.

Yale students are no doubt happy, but are they also gayer than their counterparts at other schools? That according to the latest issue of Yale Alumni Magazine, whose cover purports to explain "Why They Call Yale the Gay Ivy." What you find out quickly is the reason they call Yale the Gay Ivy is because they call it the Gay Ivy.

In addition to the 1987 declaration  "Suddenly Yale is a gay school," the assiduous editors offer such hard-hitting journalism as citing Wikipedia (but who doesn't?) and availing themselves of that old saw, anecdotal evidence:

Yale probably does, however, have a higher proportion of gay students than other Ivies; there are no statistics, but many gay Yale students think it's true. And if you walk around campus for a while on your visit, you may see a gay couple holding hands.

Well, if Yale students think it's true, it must be. The fact gay Yalies are more comfortable holding hands than they might at, say, Princeton, where the gay community reportedly turns to Craig's List for discreet hook-ups, supports the claim a bit more, though.

After the jump: how Yale came out, angry alumni commenters, and Patrick Bateman explains how he knew Yale was the Gay Ivy all along.

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Ivy Gate's favorite real-estate scion, media titan, and robber baron Jared Kushner laid claim Wednesday to the best thing Donald Trump ever produced: Ivanka Trump. That's right, he's going to unite two great New York real-estate dynasties under a chuppah. Little Ivanka herself broke the story Thursday with that newfangled Twitter doohickey:

I got engaged last night...truly the happiest day of my life!!!

Three exclamation points and an ellipses!!! That's 9.5 percent of her characters in that Tweet. A well-punctuated lady indeed. Not to be outdone, Huffington Post posted a story yesterday with similar exaltation over the union, "Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump Engaged!" Of course, what lady wouldn't be happy with a platinum 5.22 carat diamond ring selected from her own jewelry line?

Of course The Donald is happy with the union— it's more publicity for the King of Class:

"I'm very happy about it. They make a magnificent couple."

According to HuffPo, Ivanka recently told New York that Jared was perfect for her because they are both alcoholics, but for work. So the Trumps aren't going to fire Jared. But the Kushner clan aren't so thrilled their son had been smitten by a shiksa.

Though she is converting to Judaism, studying with Rabbi Haskel Lookstein at Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun on East 85th Street, it has not always been easy. Jared's mother, in particular, has struggled with their relationship. Last summer, Seryl told Jared to cool it. They broke up for a time but soon got back together.

Ouch. It looks like Seryl will have to accept that a Trump womb will bear Kushner fruit. There's still time to find Joshua a nice Jewish girl, though.

Mazel tov to the future Mr. and Mrs. Jared Kushner, and may your first child be a masculine child.

Q: U Penn has a vet school? A: Not for long.

The School of Veterinary Medicine was founded when "West Philadelphia was still the countryside." You know, before Will Smith got there and ruined everything. The Pennsylvania government just cut $10 million of the vet school's funding from the state due to that whole recession thing.  Amounting to about 8.5 percent of the total budget, it's the second cut in six months. All these cuts come despite the fact the Government Accountability Office has noted a decline in the number of vets trained in caring for "food animals," and the rise in animal-to-human disease transmission. Now they'll never find the cure for Lena Chen's "swine flu."

This is such bad news that the staff of The Daily Pennsylvanian wrote an editorial demanding the state save the vet school. The staff blames Pennsylvania Governor and UPenn Trustee Ed "The Thing" Rendell for the cuts, accusing him of the mortal sins of favoring state schools and hating cows. An erstwhile Hillary Clinton supporter, this is the first time the latter argument has been made about Rendell.

While the Pennsylvanian staff is writing editorials, the vet students are writing letters to the state capital. It is likely the University's "government affairs office" will make more headway.

Lost in the hullabaloo over the recent Vanity Fair profile on Sarah Palin and her subsequent, if unrelated, resignation was the magazine's article "Rich Harvard, Poor Harvard" by Nina Munk. The spread chronicles the massive expansion of Harvard's wealth, which grew from $4.8 billion in 1990 to $36.9 billion and the rapid pace Harvard opened new buildings. But since October the endowment has lost $8 billion dollars, with President Faust warning it could lose as much as $11 billion by the end of fiscal 2008. Now trash cans overflow, shuttles are fewer, and athletes have to suffer through continental breakfasts.

"Rich Harvard, Poor Harvard" is full of blind quotes pointing fingers at which administrator screwed which pooch. No matter who is responsible, though, one thing is clear:

"They are completely fucked."

To find out just how fucked Harvard is you have to buy the August edition of Vanity Fair. That is, unless you read our recap after the jump.

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