• Harvard: For the first time in history, all eight Class Marshalls elected to represent the class as alumni were minorities.
• Harvard: Grad students are protesting over $35 a semester.
• Yale: Bill Clinton is coming. Enough said.
• Princeton: These kids still don't know how to use Gmail.
• Brown: Beloved sex shop closes it's legs doors.
• Columbia: This girl is like totally the real life version of The Devil Wears Prada. Or something. It's really long, so you actually might just want to watch the movie.
• Penn: The only Ivy with a shrinking endowment. Come on, even Stanford stacks bundles!

We know that it’s been scientifically proven (thanks Radar!) that, except for Lena Chen, Harvard students don’t have sex. Ever. Fortunately for us, however, that sense of propriety doesn’t extend to the number one Harvard pastime: starting new and marginally useful publications. We were all a little scared of H-Bomb, which at least tried to be artistic in its display of bookish nerds baring their pasty white flesh. But who could have prepared for Harvard’s newest sex “journalist,” who drops all of the pretense and is just straight-up porn fit for your 13 year old little brother.

Matt DiPasquale (pictured) made some waves last year when he returned from an AVN Adult Industry Expo with the humble dream of creating Diamond, a porn magazine that Harvard could finally be proud of. And then he had the balls to speak about it at a conference on feminism!

Seven months later, the first issue of Diamond is here, and it’s...interesting. (The Crimson on Diamond's launch) It looks like it was designed using only Microsoft Paint and ClipArt, but that’s not the worst part!  The editorial content is mostly a a look ahead at some of Summer 2008’s potential biggest blockbusters (This Dark Knight flick looks like it might be pretty good!) but that’s not the worst part, either!

In spite of sending several creepy emails over open lists looking for “sexy models” to pose for him, it looks like Matt could only find two volunteers for the first issue. One of them is himself. The other is a beautiful young woman. Only one of them gets naked. (Are you worried yet?)

After the jump: some very nauseating, very NSFW pages from the first issue of Diamond. Be forewarned: there is an excessive amount of body hair, and one flaccid dong, billowing in the wind in a public park in Cambridge.

Read the rest of this entry »

While some people pretend to go to Ivy League schools to hide their royal lineage, we here at IvyGate prefer our impostors with a bit more edge. Thankfully our favorite fake Yalie Akash Maharaj has obliged us!

When we last left Akash in spring, he was busy trying to save his social security number from our comment boards, but now I bet he wishes someone could steal his identity because he’ll probably be headed to prison very soon.

Akash recently plead guilty to the charge of larceny in the first degree and waits to be sentenced on September 5th. But he only forged transcripts! What did he steal? Oh, just a little over $30,000 in financial aid. And Yale wants it all back. In fact, according to the Connecticut Attorney General in the Yale Daily News, “The severity of Maharaj’s sentence will likely depend on the extent to which Yale receives restitution.”

In yet Akash seems to have taken some legal advice from Bobby Brown and DMX and attempted to make all this justice nonsense go away by just not showing up:

...Maharaj skipped another court date — what was supposed to be a hearing to apply for a form of probation that could have eventually wiped his criminal record.
But Maharaj, 27, did not show. His attorney, Glenn Conway, had told Maharaj he had to appear in court unless he was in a hospital. So, in Judge Richard Damiani’s words, Maharaj “conveniently” checked into one.
Visibly unsympathetic, Damiani ordered Maharaj rearrested...

After the jump: the legal proceedings might be coming to an end, but Akash is unfortunately not out of the woods.
Read the rest of this entry »

Finally someone has recognized us for our looks rather than for our intelligence! A tipster from Arizona points us to an article detailing the timeless allure of the preppy style.

It's so true. The bro uniform of Khaki shorts, a polo, and Rainbow sandals seems to never go out of fashion, no matter how much you wish it would. As a boarding school graduate, I've lived in a J. Crew catalog for quite some time so I feel like I know a lot about being preppy, but I was completely unaware of the shocking origins of New England's favorite look.

Apparently we stole it from India! A few quotes from the article:

Today, Madras is known as the epicenter of India's outsourcing industry.

Seersucker, the other great warm-weather classic, also hails from India.

Khaki, another style of Indian origin, is a classic staple in preppy clothing.

Funny that a style that symbolizes the "you wish you lived like this" lifestyle of Northeast rich kids is really just hand-me-downs from India. Still, seersucker does look really nice in the summertime.

Sidenote: This picture has to be the most diverse group of preps that has ever been assembled.

After the jump, some preppy animals just because they're so cute!

Read the rest of this entry »

If the devil exists, he no doubt has a high IQ and an Ivy League degree.

-Tom Donaldson, a professor of ethics and law at Wharton in Bloomberg.com's profile of white collar criminals with Ivy League degrees.

Looking for an interesting place to study abroad? This story takes place at an unaccredited university in California, so it's about as far from the Ivy League as it gets, but it is a very special school nonetheless (and its logo is clearly modeled after another school we're all familiar with).

Oaksterdam University in Oakland, CA is devoted to training its students in the noble art of budtending. Try fitting classes like Baking with Cannabis, Advanced Grow Lab, or Legal Issues 101 into the core curriculum at your school.

If you want to take a break from the whole boring liberal arts thing, Oaksterdam is certainly the place to do it. Not only are you trained in the practical art of running a medicinal marijuana dispensary, but also the federal government will be very interested in your new skills!

At Oksterdam you'll be surrounded by people in a good mood, homework will be the best part of your day, and people will probably be way more interested in your theories on Kantian morality. As long as you speak slowly.

Look out Stanford, I think we just found a new 9th Ivy.

After the jump, a video introduction Oaksterdam's greener approach to education.
Read the rest of this entry »

Recent graduates heading off to B-School take note: the smartest move right now is buying a car you can't afford. America's next top business executives have quickly learned that emptying your bank account earns you a much bigger financial aid package and basically scores you a new set of wheels. Now we know how the Enron guys got their start.

Well Harvard students may be clever enough to fudge some financial aid documents, but are they smart enough to BATTLE ZOMBIES?

That's right, you spent four years developing that brain, and now someone (something?) else wants it for lunch.  There's not too much information out there about producer Warren Zide's "Harvard Zombie Massacre", but something tells me the plot is not very difficult to figure out.

According to the Crimson's interview with executive producer Ryan Lewis:

So, the world’s smartest college students have to battle the world’s smartest zombies...Usually you get serial killers and ghost stories and stuff with college kids. There hasn’t been a college zombie movie yet. It will have that great cheekiness, some great horror moments—it’s really a great blend.

After the jump: Zide's battle with Harvard's real monsters: the administration Read the rest of this entry »

Apparently, someone who goes to Penn actually knows how to talk to Girls. And he's willing to teach! Steve "Danger" Dingley, Penn '08, has been labeled "Philly's Own Love Guru," but I sincerely hope his services are better than that awful movie.

Steve charges $40 a session to coach hapless Penn students who are awkward with women and turn them into hapless Penn students who are less awkward with women. This is a good idea!

From what I know about him (nothing) he doesn't seem all that sleazy, so there's really no downside here. In fact, more people should be doing their part to protect the world from socially inept nerds.

A preemptive note to his haters: you're just mad because he's making money! Stop hating!

After the jump, a more revealing photo of the love guru and a testimonial from one of his clients that shows he can help with even the "smallest" problems.

Read the rest of this entry »