While some people pretend to go to Ivy League schools to hide their royal lineage, we here at IvyGate prefer our impostors with a bit more edge. Thankfully our favorite fake Yalie Akash Maharaj has obliged us!

When we last left Akash in spring, he was busy trying to save his social security number from our comment boards, but now I bet he wishes someone could steal his identity because he’ll probably be headed to prison very soon.

Akash recently plead guilty to the charge of larceny in the first degree and waits to be sentenced on September 5th. But he only forged transcripts! What did he steal? Oh, just a little over $30,000 in financial aid. And Yale wants it all back. In fact, according to the Connecticut Attorney General in the Yale Daily News, “The severity of Maharaj’s sentence will likely depend on the extent to which Yale receives restitution.”

In yet Akash seems to have taken some legal advice from Bobby Brown and DMX and attempted to make all this justice nonsense go away by just not showing up:

...Maharaj skipped another court date — what was supposed to be a hearing to apply for a form of probation that could have eventually wiped his criminal record.
But Maharaj, 27, did not show. His attorney, Glenn Conway, had told Maharaj he had to appear in court unless he was in a hospital. So, in Judge Richard Damiani’s words, Maharaj “conveniently” checked into one.
Visibly unsympathetic, Damiani ordered Maharaj rearrested...

After the jump: the legal proceedings might be coming to an end, but Akash is unfortunately not out of the woods.
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Finally someone has recognized us for our looks rather than for our intelligence! A tipster from Arizona points us to an article detailing the timeless allure of the preppy style.

It's so true. The bro uniform of Khaki shorts, a polo, and Rainbow sandals seems to never go out of fashion, no matter how much you wish it would. As a boarding school graduate, I've lived in a J. Crew catalog for quite some time so I feel like I know a lot about being preppy, but I was completely unaware of the shocking origins of New England's favorite look.

Apparently we stole it from India! A few quotes from the article:

Today, Madras is known as the epicenter of India's outsourcing industry.

Seersucker, the other great warm-weather classic, also hails from India.

Khaki, another style of Indian origin, is a classic staple in preppy clothing.

Funny that a style that symbolizes the "you wish you lived like this" lifestyle of Northeast rich kids is really just hand-me-downs from India. Still, seersucker does look really nice in the summertime.

Sidenote: This picture has to be the most diverse group of preps that has ever been assembled.

After the jump, some preppy animals just because they're so cute!

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If the devil exists, he no doubt has a high IQ and an Ivy League degree.

-Tom Donaldson, a professor of ethics and law at Wharton in Bloomberg.com's profile of white collar criminals with Ivy League degrees.

Looking for an interesting place to study abroad? This story takes place at an unaccredited university in California, so it's about as far from the Ivy League as it gets, but it is a very special school nonetheless (and its logo is clearly modeled after another school we're all familiar with).

Oaksterdam University in Oakland, CA is devoted to training its students in the noble art of budtending. Try fitting classes like Baking with Cannabis, Advanced Grow Lab, or Legal Issues 101 into the core curriculum at your school.

If you want to take a break from the whole boring liberal arts thing, Oaksterdam is certainly the place to do it. Not only are you trained in the practical art of running a medicinal marijuana dispensary, but also the federal government will be very interested in your new skills!

At Oksterdam you'll be surrounded by people in a good mood, homework will be the best part of your day, and people will probably be way more interested in your theories on Kantian morality. As long as you speak slowly.

Look out Stanford, I think we just found a new 9th Ivy.

After the jump, a video introduction Oaksterdam's greener approach to education.
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Recent graduates heading off to B-School take note: the smartest move right now is buying a car you can't afford. America's next top business executives have quickly learned that emptying your bank account earns you a much bigger financial aid package and basically scores you a new set of wheels. Now we know how the Enron guys got their start.

Well Harvard students may be clever enough to fudge some financial aid documents, but are they smart enough to BATTLE ZOMBIES?

That's right, you spent four years developing that brain, and now someone (something?) else wants it for lunch.  There's not too much information out there about producer Warren Zide's "Harvard Zombie Massacre", but something tells me the plot is not very difficult to figure out.

According to the Crimson's interview with executive producer Ryan Lewis:

So, the world’s smartest college students have to battle the world’s smartest zombies...Usually you get serial killers and ghost stories and stuff with college kids. There hasn’t been a college zombie movie yet. It will have that great cheekiness, some great horror moments—it’s really a great blend.

After the jump: Zide's battle with Harvard's real monsters: the administration Read the rest of this entry »

Apparently, someone who goes to Penn actually knows how to talk to Girls. And he's willing to teach! Steve "Danger" Dingley, Penn '08, has been labeled "Philly's Own Love Guru," but I sincerely hope his services are better than that awful movie.

Steve charges $40 a session to coach hapless Penn students who are awkward with women and turn them into hapless Penn students who are less awkward with women. This is a good idea!

From what I know about him (nothing) he doesn't seem all that sleazy, so there's really no downside here. In fact, more people should be doing their part to protect the world from socially inept nerds.

A preemptive note to his haters: you're just mad because he's making money! Stop hating!

After the jump, a more revealing photo of the love guru and a testimonial from one of his clients that shows he can help with even the "smallest" problems.

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That certainly seems to be the opinion of a few journalists recently. Wait,  seems to be? With a headline like "The Disadvantages of an Elite Education," you just know the author is not too keen on the Crimson. The author is none other than our old friend Cockmaster D (William Deresiewicz for our forgetful readers). Goold ol' Cockmaster D recently discovered that he was too elitist to interact with a plumber, so obviously the rest of us are just as bad.

Because we're coddled with extensions on papers and rampant grade inflation, we grow up to be the worst people ever. Also, it's because we have gates:

The physical form of the university—its quads and residential colleges, with their Gothic stone façades and wrought-iron portals—is constituted by the locked gate set into the encircling wall. Everyone carries around an ID card that determines which gates they can enter. The gate, in other words, is a kind of governing metaphor—because the social form of the university, as is true of every elite school, is constituted the same way. Elite colleges are walled domains guarded by locked gates, with admission granted only to the elect.    

He's right. Gates might be cool when every other college does it, but how dare we use them to keep people out!

He also points out that George Bush went to Yale, so take that, Ivy League! Yeah that's right one of the dozens of presidents who went to elite universities isn't so awesome! Clearly we have no defense to these accusations, but are we really that bad?

No, we're worse! After the jump, Harvard is destroying the world (and bruising the butts of old ladies).

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Yes, Princeton is being investigated on charges of discriminating against Jian Li in its admissions process.  The Daily Princetonian reported a couple weeks ago that the investigation has broadened, but the best part about the article is the unmoderated melee going on in the comments!

Since the article went up on the website one commenter "Yale College Dad" or, as the cool kids have begun to call him, "YCD," has posted the overwhelming majority of the 200 comments, responding to everyone else with a rapid fire of enraged fury oh so common to the internet.

One of his better posts:

To the pimple popping Princeton brats...Jian Li has more than a strong argument. At the Ivies, especially at HYP, the evidence is overwhelming and compelling, and it is clear and convincing that for decades, there has been a racial basis, conscience or non-conscience, directed against Asian American applicants. Regardless of the outcome of the decision on Jian Li's complaint from the OCR, since it also consists of biased politically correct appointees, who will undoubtedly rule against Jian anyway, Princeton's admissions files will be OPENED, and this could bolster Jian's claims when viewd by an impartial party. This case has put Princeton and the Ivies on notice for more future complaints and federal law suits based racial discrimination by Asian Americans. They won't be ignored, mocked and ridiculed and be treated as frivolous anymore, especially by the Daily Princetonian....090909 has yet to post a credible reponse. Laugh it up, Princetonians, because the joke will be on YOU!!! BTW, some of my relatives and best friends are graduates of Princeton. Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!

But what isn't so common is his encyclopedic knowledge of the case! From my super-scientific estimation, YCD has quoted extensively from at least a handful of articles and legal texts regarding this case, all in his valiant efforts to defend an innocent student from the Princeton's discrimination and its students' ridicule.

After the jump, the plot thickens!
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Penn students who decided to extend their stay in Philadelphia (for whatever reason) got the chance to see the Transformers sequel being filmed on their campus.

But they're pissed about it!

Apparently, even though it's filming at Penn, rumor has it that the actual setting for the movie will be Princeton, where they've also filmed. Naturally, Penn students are upset to have their 15 minutes of sort of fame snatched from them by Princeton of all places, and they've even taken the fight to the streets Facebook.

"An Open Letter to Michael Bay from the University of Pennsylvania," a group of almost 200 sprung up as a place to air out such sophisticated complaints as "Seriously, Michael Bay? Seriously? Princeton???" Even a Temple student was mad enough to join.

And what exactly does Michael Bay have to say for himself? Well nothing, but one of the producers told the Daily Pennsylvanian that neither school's name would appear in the film.
And one of the Facebook group members claims that Penn itself denied them the rights to use the name! Et tu, President Gutmann?

Regardless of what name actually ends up on screen, this makes three Ivies where Shia has made movies after the latest Indiana Jones filmed at Yale. (No love for Harvard, Shia? Maybe you can make a cameo in How High 2.)

Pics of Michael Bay, Shia, and his costar Isabel Lucas (should I know who that is?) on set in Philly after the jump.

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