Tiger Inn officers resign after 21 Club vomits all over their house

Another Ivy League secret society came under fire for holding a high-risk party–this time over at Princeton, where all but two officers of the eating club Tiger Inn resigned after fallout for hosting a 21 Club party last Sunday. The 21 Club is a semi-secret society (what does that even mean anymore?) whose membership is made up of some of the biggest drunkards on campus. According to the Daily Princetonian, “During initiations, members reportedly have to drink 21 beers in 42 minutes, and the goal is to be the last one to throw up.”

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SCIENCE: “Yalies are disgusting.”

Pictured: A Yalie in an unfamiliar environment.

College students are known for being lazy and dirty but SCIENCE now says that Yale students are the laziest and dirtiest of all.

Back in 2012, John Bargh and Idit Shalev, both Yale psychologists, released a study on the “substitutability of physical and social warmth in daily life.” You can go read the abstract for yourself but basically, they came to the conclusion that the lonelier a person, the more likely they were to take longer and more frequent showers. Not because of repeated attempts to drown themselves but out of a need to use physical warmth as a replacement for social warmth.

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Yale Administration Blocks Student Course Selection Apps

Though having been available for the last three semesters, Yale Bluebook+, an application-based website similar to Yale’s current course selection site, was blocked from Yale University servers on the first day of shopping period (the two week, somewhat stressful process when students pick their classes). Designed by seniors Peter Xu and Harry Yu, Yale Bluebook+ emphasizes course rankings, assigning a numerical evaluation to each class based on an arithmetic mean, derived from the current scale of “Poor” to “Excellent.”

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Ivy League? Sexy League.

#counterintuitive

For all its problems regarding campus climate and rape, Yale continues to place on national rankings of “sexiness”. This year, The Daily Beast ranked Yale University seventh on their “20 SeXXXiest Schools” list. (Remember when Newsweek was a thing? We miss it too, guys.) The only other Ivy that made the list was Brown University, coming in at #19. Hot!

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A Dispatch from the Campaign Trail: Tomasso Can’t Stop

Does the transitive property still apply if you’re appropriating something that appropriates something else? Or, in this case, do two negatives make a positive…?

University of Pennsylvania freshman and high school tennis star  Darren Tomasso has made his own version of Miley Cyrus’ now-classic “We Can’t Stop”, as part of his campaign for freshman class president. It’s unclear why Tomasso thought that imitating a widely derided performance would get him more votes, but maybe he’s smarter than all of us and this is actually a powerful statement on the current meshing of politics and pop culture in America.

In his video, Tomasso uses computer text where it’s not needed, advocates for the destruction of Earth’s rainforests by promoting “free printing Monday nights”, sponsors disaster tourism in New Jersey’s struggling coastline, and twerks on Philadelphia’s LOVE statue in a clear misrepresentation of what love’s all about .

Check it out!

Someone At Cornell Thinks They’re The Next Zuckerberg/Snowden

Today, in Things You Probably Don’t Care About But We Should Publish Anyway:

We’re a little late on this one, mostly because we’re in the midst of a Grand Editorial Shakeup. Never fear, though: We’ll always be wherever there’s injustice, wherever we’re not welcome (i.e., everywhere), and wherever an Ivy Leaguer Fucks Up Royally. Our working mission statement: Oderint dum metuant: Let them hate, so long as they fear. —Eds.

From the trade school and Ann Coulter alma mater known as Cornell University comes “CornellFetch”, a website where users can rank the attractiveness  of various Cornell female undergrads, à la Mark Zuckerberg’s infamous Facebook precursor, “Facemash.” Read the rest of this entry »

VIDEO: Peter Salovey is Yale’s Next President

NEW HAVEN — In a unanimous decision by the Yale Corporation, Provost Peter Salovey has been selected as the next President of Yale University.

The announcement came in a rather secretive, almost-closed-to-everyone-but-the-YDN press conference (reporters from lesser publications could be seen loitering outside the McDougal Center of the Hall of Graduate Arts and Sciences, where the event was held). Salovey, who is known for his (no longer) mustache first and professional accomplishments second, will assume the post beginning June 30th.

According to the most carelessly done Google search in history, Salovey has previously served as Dean of Yale College and the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences, owns a Havanese dog, and is married to Marta Moret, president of Urban Policy Strategies, LLC and ’84 Graduate of the School of Public Health.

In his acceptance speech, Salovey posed the question “What kind of Yale do you imagine?” which really encapsulated his vision for “a more unified Yale, a more innovative Yale, a more accessible Yale, and a more excellent Yale.” After the announcement, what we assumed to be various Corporation fellows and Yale society luminaries (including Yale’s Favorite Son, Brandon Levin) lined up to shake Salovey’s hand and congratulate him. The general feeling from the crowd was one of excitement, relief, and speculation as to whether or not the mustache would make a comeback.

This is “The Hottest Guy at Yale,” According to Cosmo

God bless Cosmo and their Bachelor of the Year Contest. Each bachelor featured has an email address and Twitter handle attached, which is super convenient and not at all creepy. Of particular note are the selections for Delaware and Connecticut: Jonathan Champagne, Cornell junior, and Christian Kim, a Yale School of Music student.

Kim (pictured right) is a professional violinist: there’s a joke there about G strings that we’re just too lazy to make right now, sorry. “They’re really very sensitive,” he remarks about his palms, for some reason.

Our favorite part of Mr. Kim’s profile is what his friend had to say about him: “Christian is definitely the hottest guy at Yale.”

Champagne (pictured here) apparently has really sensitive biceps (favorite foreplay move: “having her stroke the inside of my biceps”), but we can’t figure out whether that actually turns him on or whether he just requires constant admiration of his swimmer muscles.

And while we’re glad to know that if IvyGate were ever to bump into Mr. Champagne we should be wearing lingerie that “shows off [our] personality,” we’re disappointed that Cosmo failed to mention that Champagne is “a master masseuse” and a “musical genius”. Read the rest of this entry »

Yale Junior To Be On ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire’

This is so much cooler than College Week on Jeopardy!: Yale junior Joey Yagoda will make his television debut on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire this coming Monday, October 1, and Tuesday, October 2. (A.K.A. tonight and tomorrow).

Yagoda is currently the treasurer for the Yale College Council and an Ethics, Politics, and Economics major, so this kid really likes money (we hope that he’s in a room somewhere rolling around naked in all the piles of cash he’s handling). The viewing party for this should be killer and I really hope the douchebag who blurts out the answer to Yagoda’s last question is promptly beaten with a stack of benjamins. Coincidentally, Monday is also Yagoda’s birthday so we sincerely hope that the party includes some variation of this game. (Replace Regis with Meredith).

Yagoda told us he taped the show in the midst of shopping period, resulting in possibly the best excuse ever for missed classes.

“I didn’t have much time to train because I had to shop classes. Since I only found out the day before classes started that I had to shoot it that week, I basically had the most insane shopping period ever, sending e-mails to professors asking about the application process to get into their seminars and also mentioning that I wouldn’t be able to attend seminar the next week because I had to be on Millionaire.” Read the rest of this entry »

Yale Students Have Sex, According to Playboy

Playboy Magazine, the foremost authority on sex, has named Yale University as one of the colleges with the “Best Sex Life”. We assume they’re referring to your regular ol’ mom-and-pop sex; no word yet on what the gays are up to (yet!). But if we’re to believe the old “1 in 4″ adage, they’re doing pretty well for themselves. [Ed: It was 1 in 3 the last time we checked heard.]

But what does this mean? Playboy doesn’t really explain the methodology behind their “Best Sex Life” rankings, so we can only guess at how they arrived at such groundbreaking analysis. Are they referring to frequency of sexual encounters? Quality of coitus? Riveting and engaging pillow-talk? Have Yale students finally learned their lesson from Maria Yagoda?

That noise you hear is the collective wail of virgins crying in the library.