James Franco Returns to Yale

 

Proving that graduate school has more value as performance art than career advancement, part-time actor James Franco is back at Yale to continue his Ph.D studies in English Literature. According to his favorite publication, the Rhodes Scholar has been dropping by various sections of Major English Poets, a lovingly hated, required undergraduate course for English majors. A nine-time Oscar nominee, Franco has been known to draw on the works of Chaucer and Spenser as inspiration for such engrossing roles as James Franco in This Is the End and James Franco in Creepy Instagram Nudes.

 

We are breathlessly awaiting to see the Presenting: the Democratic Nominee for Presidential Candidate 2016, James Franco! ’s live-action sci-fi adaptation of The Faerie Queene.

 

(Ed. Note: If you have blurry pictures of Marina-Abramovic’s stunt double, James Franco, walking around New Haven, send them to tips@ivygateblog.com)

 

Why is a 2010 article about the DKE pledge chants on the top stories on the Yale Daily News website?

Take a trip down memory lane to four years ago, when men were real, the brotherhood was real, and fraternities at Yale were raw:

In October 2010, Delta Kappa Epsilon pledges stood on Old Campus, shouted obscenities about co-eds and took the meaning of consent for a spin. For some unknown reason, the Yale Daily News report on this event has reappeared on the front page of its website–it appeared first under the Most Popular heading yesterday (it’s still there today, trailing after some articles from the Opinion section).

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Why Was Katy Perry at the Harvard Lampoon?

Human cupcake Katy Perry hung out at the Harvard Lampoon castle on Saturday night:

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Yale Students Are Their Own Helicopter Parents

We’re about a month away from the official move-in date for the Yale College Class of 2018 and many of them are sitting at home pondering deep questions like “how big will my room be?” and “will I make friends?” Entering college is apparently the most terrifying experiencing one can go through—and Yale’s official guide for incoming students is no longer enough. Yale18 has all the answers you never needed and should not be looking for under any circumstances. Created by two members of the Class of 2017 and one from 2018 (what are you doing you haven’t even arrived on campus yet), Yale18 is basically a compilation of past “guides to freshman year,” an absurd Google Doc template to figure out where each one of your roommates is traveling from, and some links to free shit.

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What’s the craziest thing you’ve done to get into college?

The New York Post and the New York Times have recently regaled us with delightful anecdotes about what Ivy League rejects and non-rejects did to gain admission into the school(s) of their dreams. College consultants are nothing new but the industry has reached such a level of absurdity that it seems like satire.

See Jill Tipograph, who runs “Everything Summer,” a combination travel agency/college consulting firm that helps parents figure out which Third World Country should host their offspring for a few weeks a personalized summer itinerary for pre-college teens who need application essay material–for $300/hour. We wonder what Tipograph would have to say about the Yale applicant mentioned in the Times article, who forewent exotic travels in favor of a more… domestic experience:

“[Her essay] mentioned a French teacher she greatly admired. She described their one-on-one conversation at the end of a school day. And then, this detail: During their talk, when an urge to go to the bathroom could no longer be denied, she decided not to interrupt the teacher or exit the room. She simply urinated on herself.”

Would Everything Summer encourage this sort of behavior? What if you urinate on yourself and, AT THE SAME TIME, you’re climbing the Great Wall of China? God, we miss the days when you could just donate a blank check and be done with it (but, you know, the One Percent just isn’t what it used to be).

Essay ideas after the jump

“Enough is enough”: Dartmouth reformulates approach to campus life

Dartmouth has always been the problem child of the Ivy League, but President Hanlon’s summit last week on the “extreme behavior” plaguing the university is an unexpectedly candid admittance of the many toxic and harmful practices that characterize parts of student life on the Dartmouth campus. The school is notorious for its Greek life antics and threats of sexual violence on campus—the acquittal of Parker Gilbert, formerly D’16, now a former Dartmouth student, accused of raping a fellow classmate, has been the subject of nationwide media attention.

Hanlon’s summit (and accompanying op-ed in the Boston Globe) comes on the heels of an announcement about proposed changes to the College’s sexual assault policy. Read the rest of this entry »

Tiger Inn officers resign after 21 Club vomits all over their house

Another Ivy League secret society came under fire for holding a high-risk party–this time over at Princeton, where all but two officers of the eating club Tiger Inn resigned after fallout for hosting a 21 Club party last Sunday. The 21 Club is a semi-secret society (what does that even mean anymore?) whose membership is made up of some of the biggest drunkards on campus. According to the Daily Princetonian, “During initiations, members reportedly have to drink 21 beers in 42 minutes, and the goal is to be the last one to throw up.”

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SCIENCE: “Yalies are disgusting.”

Pictured: A Yalie in an unfamiliar environment.

College students are known for being lazy and dirty but SCIENCE now says that Yale students are the laziest and dirtiest of all.

Back in 2012, John Bargh and Idit Shalev, both Yale psychologists, released a study on the “substitutability of physical and social warmth in daily life.” You can go read the abstract for yourself but basically, they came to the conclusion that the lonelier a person, the more likely they were to take longer and more frequent showers. Not because of repeated attempts to drown themselves but out of a need to use physical warmth as a replacement for social warmth.

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Yale Administration Blocks Student Course Selection Apps

Though having been available for the last three semesters, Yale Bluebook+, an application-based website similar to Yale’s current course selection site, was blocked from Yale University servers on the first day of shopping period (the two week, somewhat stressful process when students pick their classes). Designed by seniors Peter Xu and Harry Yu, Yale Bluebook+ emphasizes course rankings, assigning a numerical evaluation to each class based on an arithmetic mean, derived from the current scale of “Poor” to “Excellent.”

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Ivy League? Sexy League.

#counterintuitive

For all its problems regarding campus climate and rape, Yale continues to place on national rankings of “sexiness”. This year, The Daily Beast ranked Yale University seventh on their “20 SeXXXiest Schools” list. (Remember when Newsweek was a thing? We miss it too, guys.) The only other Ivy that made the list was Brown University, coming in at #19. Hot!

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