Aleksey Vayner, the Yale graduate who became famous for a video résumé titled “Impossible is Nothing,” has died, according to several sources. An email sent by a friend of Vayner’s to a small group of people at Yale confirmed his death, and a woman claiming to be his niece recently posted a notice about him on Twitter.
Today a spokeswoman for the New York City Medical Examiner confirmed to IvyGate that a 29-year-old man matching Vayner’s description, under the name of Alex Stone, died on the morning of January 19 in Queens, New York. The spokeswoman indicated that the cause of death has yet to be determined.
Like a real life version of Leonardo DiCaprio’s insufferable character in the insufferable movie Catch Me if You Can, the insufferable Adam Wheeler has burst onto the scene, making Aleksey Vayner seem like small potatoes and Goldman look good.
Wheeler fabricated grades, rec letters and — *nostalgia bomb* — published books in a mad Ivory Tower infiltration scheme. Shooting for the big leagues, he BS-ed his way into Rhodes and Fulbright scholarship applications as well as thousands of dollars in Harvard grant money (endowment stewardship FTW).
It gets worse. Unlike his affirmative-acted and last-name-legacized peers, Wheeler definitely doesn’t deserve to be at Harvard at all; he made up his high school credentials too.
Now the Big Liar On Campus has to contend with 20 criminal charges and will probably have to fabricate a pretty good legal degree. Wheeler’s story — a testament to the analytical prowess of admissions offices and scholarship committees coast-to-coast — is currently lighting up the internets, with comment pages boiling over with anti-Ivy vitriol.
On our part, we’ll cover the story as it develops. So far, we’ve got an alleged tale of his expulsion from Bowdoin of all places, for academic dishonesty, and the fact that many people think he’s hot.
Every now and again, we over here at IvyGate — purely in the interests of town-criership and good fun — repost some juicy nugget of self-promotional multimedia, fresh from the minds of uppity Ivy League resume-hounds. Then, for reasons unbeknownst to us, after these videos — which were created for the express purpose of exposure, marketing, back-slapping etc. — go online, receive ten-thousand-or-so viewer eyeballs, and subsequently rebound across the web, their creators inexplicably pull the content! (and threaten to sue us! whoa!).
You’re welcome, Internet. IvyGate’s oldest and greatest friend and triumph, deluded megalomaniac Aleksey Vayner, will be bringing his own special brand of hilarious douchebaggery to ROFLCON 2010, in April at MIT.
For those who don’t remember, Vayner was the 2006 Yalie whose blustery and lie-filled video resume (“Impossible is Nothing”), fake charity, hedge-fund, and holocaust memoir took the Internet by storm after we dug up all sorts of hilarity. Good times… He threatened to sue us, leading to a highly-publicized online battle. Thanks for that, man. And since public self-promotion worked so well for you the first time, I’m sure this 4chan-style conference is a great idea, and that you’ll be taken very seriously. According to their website, ROFLCON is
Another two days and two nights of the most epic internet culture conference ever assembled. Informed commentators suggest that this may be the most important gathering of humanity since the fall of the tower of Babel. And yes, we’re still looking to get Goatse.
At least Goatse was up-front about where he stood. At the conference, Aleksey will be
discussing what he’s been up to since those fateful months, the issues around privacy online and crisis management, and recounting and reflecting on the experience of being swept up in the middle of the memetic storm.
Did somebody say “comeback”??? Aleksey, the only way you could get more IvyGate-y would be by marrying Lena Chen.
Rush is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Yale’s Pi Beta Phi and Kappa Alpha Theta chapters have finally uploaded their 2010 Rush Videos to YouTube, and boy, are they uplifting. Before the creepy commenters get to them, IvyGate is pleased to present these masterpieces to the discerning Ivy League audience; and of course, to declare a winner.
We’ll start with Pi Phi’s, a heady docudrama entitled “Pi Phi Girl,” which explores–through the lens of Gossip Girl, Mad-Libs, and mid-90′s pop hits–what it truly means to wear the Pi Phi crown. Feast your eyes:
“Right now… let’s see… I, gosh, I have a meeting with President Levin right now, he wants me to help him with this multi-billion dollar fundraising campaign. It’s superrr intense.”
Next we move onto Theta’s more overtly satirical “The T.A.” Some nerd/jock jokes… a bad Snooki impression… etc, yawn, etc… and OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD THEY’RE CONJURING MAGIC ENERGY BALLS AND SHOOTING THEM AT AN EVIL COW! PLEASE SEE 4:21 IMMEDIATELY:
The time has come for you guys to make your energy balls. Take out your hands and place them in front of you, and think happy thoughts, and it will just come naturally. Don’t force it, Snooki, don’t force it! Think what you love!
After a few moments of speechlessness, we’re comfortable declaring a (totally objective) winner: Pi Phi all the way, baby. Not only have these young ladies provided us with great material in the past (“Heels. PRETTY HEELS.”), but their Rush video hits all the right notes: Snarky Rumpus editors, child brainwashing, Southern accents, sophomores I’ve been in section with, fur, sequins, an awkward unintentional flashing at 5:04, and of course, a “hey guys I heard you were stressed so I bought some cake and Diet Coke!!!!”? Check!
The cute slideshow at the end definitely seals the deal. At the risk of incineration at the hands of Theta’s energy balls, we’re confident in declaring: PPL 4eva guyz!
Aleksey Vayner, Yale ’07, clearly has nefarious plans. I mean, this is the man who circulated an eleven-page CV around Wall Street, made a video resume of himself ballroom dancing and lifting weights (crotch-eye view!), “wrote” and “published” a book from the perspective of female Holocaust survivors, declared himself CEO of a suspiciously hard to track down company, and tragically lost his shot at a pro tennis career when his partner suffered a sprained wrist only moments before their first match at the US Open.
Aleksey Vayner is not, for example, the sort of guy you would expect to update his blog with pathetic little posts entitled “Best Way to Fight Fat!” Well, maybe. Like, if the best way to fight fat was to buy his nonexistent book, Millionaire’s Blueprint To Success.
Basically, if you are successful at losing weight, you’ll burn fewer calories per day then [sic.] someone of the same weight but who was not overweight and did not diet to shed pounds. This is one of many reasons you find it easier to gain weight (and then some) after you have just lost some weight.
When we last left Yale alum and crazy liar Aleksey Vayner, he had a poorly designed website and was writing a book called Millionaire’s Blueprint to Success. Of course, cursory examination revealed the website and book likely products of plagiarism. Idea theft, grand plans and a website: it was business as usual for Mr. Vayner. But today Ivygate brings you Vayner news that does not involve plagiarism or crackpot schemes: Aleksey may be married. According to an anonymous tipster:
I heard from a friend who knew him before his stupendous rise to tool-dome [sic] via video that he’s married. No details except the waif like…blonde in is [sic] facebook picture is apparently the lucky lady.
There you have it. Vayner has not yet reponded to Ivygate’s request for comment. Could it be that the attractive blonde in the above facebook picture is Mrs. Vayner? If true, this is easily Vayner’s greatest accomplishment.
I had an Aleksey Vayner sighting in New York City. We crossed each other in the crosswalk on the corner of 67th and Broadway. He was wearing a full 3 piece suit and the woman he was with looked as if she had just come from the costume department from a Lord of the Rings movie.”
It’s good to see Vayner still has “the class,” as we like to say.
Aleksey Vayner — batshit megalomaniac, irrepressible fabulist, and mighty douchebag of legend — is baaaack. And he’s learned nothing. If you visit his website directly (www.alekseyvayner.com), there’s nothing to see, but click the directory “test,” and you’re granted access to the innermost scheming of Vayner’s non-existent soul. It appears to be a terrible rough draft of something possibly even more terrible.
What do you do after you become an internet phenom, subject to interweb-wide flogging and public humiliation? If you’re Vayner, you proceed as though basically nothing has happened. You insist on the genius of the “Impossible is Nothing” video by disregarding the “mockery” from the “the kids in the bloggosphere [sic]” and claiming the just fruits of “international publicity” for having “created a marketing peace [yes, that's another sic] of himself.”
The website’s main point is ostensibly to promote Vayner’s (theoretically) forthcoming bookMillionaires’ Blueprint to Success (remember his previously forthcoming book? His Holocaust memoir?). Suspiciously, the cover is almost an exact copy of the similarly titled Secrets of the Millionaire’s Mind by T. Harv Eker. I’m sure the contents are totally different though. Is this kid retarded?
Also, a tipster notes certain design similarities between Vayner’s website and Tim Ferriss’swebsite, mutual douchebaggery aside (check out the buttons). Of course much of the website is unfinished — “Comming soon [sic]” is plastered all over the place. Is this website fake? It could be, but we don’t think so. The site’s frequent and amusing deficiencies of language are consistent with Vayner’s poor grasp of English. It’s just over-the-top enough to be Vayner and just restrained enough to hint at lessons still unlearned. It’s also registered in his name.
After the jump — choice excerpts from Vayner’s totally modest and not-obviously-made-up life-story (“Aleksey Vayner’s story is one of discipline and perseverance thought the hardships of immigration”), a damning cover comparison between Millionaires’ Blueprint to Success and Secrets of the Millionaire’s Mind, and a few screen-shots for good measure.
First, Page tells us in no uncertain terms that he is not like Hitler or Osama. Then things get a little weird:
I cannot fight an overwhelming army of bloggers. My future grandkids will be able to read about this on the internet 50 years from now.”
Touché! We can only dream that Page’s “future” grandkids – as opposed to the tykes he has running around now – will be looking at IvyGate in half a century, marveling at our wit and wisdom. This is assuming, of course, that he actually finds someone on Match.com willing to impregnate herself with his Grade-D semen.
Then comes our favorite part, the “I’m-not-as-bad-as-Vayner” excuse:
All of the facts on this website are true. I am not Alexsey Vayner, there are no videos on here of me hitting tennis balls at 200 mph!”
Maybe we’re going soft, but we sort of feel just a little bit bad for the guy.
(Note: the original file name for the above picture – taken directly from the “Fitness” section of Page’s website – is “Howyalikemenow500.jpg.” It seems he’s a douche even in his more private, file-naming moments.)
IvyGate has been featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, Wall Street Journal, Los Angeles Times, Boston Globe, New York Observer, Newsweek, New Yorker, and other publications, as well as NBC, MSNBC, Fox News, Drudge Report, Gawker, The Huffington Post, Wonkette, Jezebel, The Awl, and many more. Most are horrified.