Yale's Rumpus magazine recently published the full list of secret society inductees for 2009. These future-leaders-of-the-world hopefuls join a league of will-never-really-be-leaders-of-the-world Yale alums plus George W. Bush. Meanwhile, nobody outside of New Haven gives a shit after that Joshua Jackson movie showed how whack secret societies are anyways.

The lists may or may not be correct, but Google doesn't care. The only name we actually recognized immediately was Andrew Mangino, former Yale Daily News editor-in-chief who is now a Scroll and Key member, again. (Wonder if he applied...and too bad he's not a Boner...) Since he was on last year's list, this  seems confusing. Smells like journalistic integrity, nevertheless.

After the jump, the absurdly long list of tap-ees and the trailer to aforementioned Joshua Jackson movie. The list is really effing long. Do the Elis really need 32 secret societies? Do we have a little complex, Yale?

Correction: Kind commenters have let me know that Rumpus publishes the list of graduating members, so obvious that Mangino is on both. We still don't care.

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Now that Harvard's precious purveyor of boasts and toasts, 02138 magazine, has gone down in Manhattan-colored, publishing-empire flames, where, you ask, will I go for gratuitous Crimson self-congratulation? How will I keep track of the 100 most glorious humans in existence, 02138's annual Harvard 100, guide to the 100 most annoying— er, influential— Harvard grads each year? Crunched between ads for diamond rings and pictures of pretty boys, the plea insists nominees be "famous or infamous, celebrated or unknown." Since 02138's final edition of the Harvard 100, now out in clunky digital form only, frankly praises the same generic 100 Harvard heroes, IvyGate has compiled a little addendum (including one re-write).  No failure can spoil our fun.

Past mentions in 02138's Harvard 100 include the usual Bill's, Al's, and Baracks's while their 2008 version also feature somebody named Zuckerberg.  But how could we forget about the '93 grad who embezzled $100K from children with cancer? Or the Louisiana senator with a thing for adult diapers and whores? Been wondering what happened to JTT? (God knows we have.) Feast on the Rest of the Best, starting with the obvious:

1. Ted "Unabomber" Kaczynski '62

Well, here was an easy choice for inclusion. This boy genius got his fat envelope from Harvard College at the ripe age of 15 and had earned a spot on the faculty of Cal Berkeley by age 25. Some trace his famous beliefs into the evil of science back to the days when he was subject to cruel psychological experiments (cum electrodes, glaring spotlights, and CIA sponsorship). Over a span of nearly two decades, Kaczynski sent a total 16 pipe bombs, injuring 23 and killing three, from his handbuilt cabin in Montana. In 1995, Penthouse magazine published the famous 35,000 word paper Industrial Society and Its Future (better known as the “Unabomber Manifesto”), which aided in his eventual capture and conviction. Today, the Harvard building where Koczynski began his high education houses the college’s expository-writing program. Coincidence?

Nine more scourges to Harvard's name, after the jump.

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When we got wind of this item, we knew right away that like Young Simba, we weren't up to the task. So we called in an expert: bona fide girl Anna Lindow, Columbia '08.

As if the triumphant return of Hansonbop wasn't enough, more '90s tween idols lurk in the darkness of the Ivy League. Specifically: after a recent stint at Harvard, a wizened incarnation of Jonathan Taylor Thomas has been found roaming Barnard's campus at Columbia. The former hottie/star of such classics as "Man of The House" (the one featuring Chevy Chase/inappropriate Native American references) and "The Lion King," JTT is now a rheumatic 26 years old, and he seems to have dropped his stage name. Passing by Barnard Hall on a Monday or Wednesday afternoon, you may catch a glimpse of "Jonathan Taylor Weiss," or, as we like to call him, The Ghost of Home Improvements Past.

If, like me, you thought Randy Taylor's mushroom cut was the pinnacle of prepubescent eroticism (sigh), used back issues of Tiger Beat as locker wallpaper (you're not alone), and are still waiting for him to write back to your nine-page mash notes -- there's still hope! Apparently everyone's favorite flannel-shirt-wearing troublemaker never learned the wonders of the internet and has failed to remove himself from Columbia's public directory. Or maybe he simply didn't do the math -- us Tiger Beat diehards are now just about the age to be in college. At Columbia. Stalking Tom Sawyer -- I mean, Jonathan Taylor Weiss. Send e-fanmail to jtw2112@columbia.edu.