“Heels. PRETTY HEELS”: The Pi Phi Plastics, Part 2 of 4

38The Pi Phi saga continues! Late last night, we received an email from Pi Phi’s chapter president, telling us that the emailed fashion guide for rushes did not originate within Pi Phi, and that,

Unfortunately, we are not a very fashion-conscious sorority, and we can be seen most days wearing sweatpants around campus.

Sorority girls: they’re just like us! But rush isn’t “most days,” and presumably anyone would want to look good in their own way. But the more stringent requirements of the document:

I’m going to be doing dress checks so have your outfits for each round completely figured out before you get to Ithaca

just don’t jibe with the chapter president’s representation. As to the question of the document’s veracity — it refers by name, and in a complimentary manner, to members of past pledge classes. Rushes, get ready for your dress checks: you better work!

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Yale Sorority Girls Shoot for Internet Stardom, Aleksey Vayner-Style

Rush is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Yale’s Pi Beta Phi and Kappa Alpha Theta chapters have finally uploaded their 2010 Rush Videos to YouTube, and boy, are they uplifting. Before the creepy commenters get to them, IvyGate is pleased to present these masterpieces to the discerning Ivy League audience; and of course, to declare a winner.

We’ll start with Pi Phi’s, a heady docudrama entitled “Pi Phi Girl,” which explores–through the lens of Gossip Girl, Mad-Libs, and mid-90′s pop hits–what it truly means to wear the Pi Phi crown. Feast your eyes:

“Right now… let’s see… I, gosh, I have a meeting with President Levin right now, he wants me to help him with this multi-billion dollar fundraising campaign. It’s superrr intense.”

Next we move onto Theta’s more overtly satirical “The T.A.” Some nerd/jock jokes… a bad Snooki impression… etc, yawn, etc… and OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD THEY’RE CONJURING MAGIC ENERGY BALLS AND SHOOTING THEM AT AN EVIL COW! PLEASE SEE 4:21 IMMEDIATELY:

The time has come for you guys to make your energy balls. Take out your hands and place them in front of you, and think happy thoughts, and it will just come naturally. Don’t force it, Snooki, don’t force it! Think what you love!

After a few moments of speechlessness, we’re comfortable declaring a (totally objective) winner: Pi Phi all the way, baby. Not only have these young ladies provided us with great material in the past (“Heels. PRETTY HEELS.”), but their Rush video hits all the right notes: Snarky Rumpus editors, child brainwashing, Southern accents, sophomores I’ve been in section with, fur, sequins, an awkward unintentional flashing at 5:04, and of course, a “hey guys I heard you were stressed so I bought some cake and Diet Coke!!!!”? Check!

The cute slideshow at the end definitely seals the deal. At the risk of incineration at the hands of Theta’s energy balls, we’re confident in declaring: PPL 4eva guyz!