Harvardians Continue to Thrill and Impress Everyone

Today is Harvard’s graduation! To honor Harvard’s mission to serve humanity, here is a compilation of some recent student accomplishments:

Drunkenly stealing, driving, and crashing an ambulance:

“While awaiting medical evaluation, the patient fled the emergency room and drove off in an ambulance,” a spokesman for the hospital said in a statement.

Attempting to sneak marijuana into Bermuda, being foiled by an underwear-sniffing canine:

Harvard is being tight-lipped after one of its instructors was busted with pot in her underwear after landing in Bermuda for a weekend getaway with her husband.

Bragging about eight consecutive life sentences (also, being the Unabomber):

The listing says his occupation is “prisoner,” and his home address is “No. 04475-046, US Penitentiary — Max, P.O. Box 8500, Florence, CO 8126-8500.”

Under the awards section, the listing says, “Eight life sentences, issued by the United States District Court for the Eastern District of California, 1998.”

Aaaaand publishing the Unabomber’s boasts in Harvard’s alumni directory:

The Harvard Alumni Association has apologized for an entry in the 50th anniversary report of the class of 1962 in which Ted Kaczynski — the domestic terrorist known as the Unabomber, who is serving life in prison for sending deadly mail bombs — said his “awards” included eight life sentences.

Go Crimson!

  • Anon

    Harvard has graduated some of the biggest criminals in US history.

  • CitizenWhy

    Harvardians do criminal things only to highlight the wrongness of systems and spur reform. Thus they serve humanity. Thank you, Harvidians!

  • Willhaguewigwam

    Don’t support terrorism BUT the unambomber was a genius and far smarter than most Ivy League brats.