Since (at least) 2010, Cornell’s administration has, with varying levels of forethought, distributed a holiday “eCard,” for fun. Last year’s effort, viewable here, appears to have emerged, Samara-like, from a pirated copy of Windows Movie Maker. It is dumb and a waste of your time but basically inoffensive, which, when you think about it, is really the only bar a holiday card has to clear.

Which brings us to this year’s entry, above. It’s an imitation New Yorker cartoon featuring a scarfed snowman that is either a) being impaled by McGraw Tower or b) threatening to jump therefrom. This is perhaps not the wisest image from a school often joked to have a pattern of student suicide. As a horrified tipster puts it, “a snowman teetering on a clock tower is insane.”

Particularly ridiculous (amusing, though) is Cornell’s decision to solicit—and publish!—pathologically unfunny “captions” with which to mock this troubled snowman: “Is this what they mean by ‘Higher Learning’?” “My ‘polarrhoids’ are killing me!” Etc! There are at least five hundred entries of comparable brilliance. Stranger than the actual captions is the obvious exclusion of any which refer to death or killing, the aforementioned “polarrhoids” achievement notwithstanding.

The sure-to-be-great winner will be announced soon.