Do These Things If You Ever Want to Go To an Ivy

IvyGate’s Guide to Admissions: Part V

Back in the halcyon days of yore (January 2009), my illustrious IvyGate forebears endeavored to provide a four-part, step-by-step primer in gaining admission to your Ivy League institution of choice. The series was so endlessly  SEO-friendly invaluable that it still generates impressive traffic, even to this day.

You would think there’s nothing left to add to such an exhaustive compendium of admissions tips. Lo and behold, competition for spots in the Ancient Eight is getting more and more heated by the year, and the extracurriculars of those lucky few to attend a top institution have been amplified to levels of self-parody. Another installment in our Admissions Guide, it would seem, is called for.

Luckily, the New York Times just made it easy for us. The Grey Lady ran an Op-Ed piece yesterday on the emergence of a new class of Ivy-seeking “Super People.” We, of course, took note; though we were less interested in the article’s argument (having read it before in any number of different permutations) than in the list of accomplishments it suggests are prerequisite for gaining acceptance to an Ivy. We culled some of the more colorful examples, which are presented below in (slightly edited) form:

Items on a Super Person‘s resume:

  • Perfect GPA and SAT scores
  • Editor of the school paper
  • Class president
  • Mountain bikes and/or white-water kayaks
  • Plans to major in either: Philosophy and molecular science, simultaneously;  or, mathematics and medieval literature, concurrent. Those are the only two options.
  • Earned a pilot’s license
  • Took calculus while in the crib
  • Does embedded reporting from war-ravaged Kandahar over summer break
  • “Pointy”

Check out the rest of the list, after the jump! 

  • Is a Bulgarian string theorist
  • Conducts “archaeological digs in the Negev desert.” (It’s a thing!)
  • Child-rears in Guatemala
  • Plays 36 different horn instruments
  • Adopts under-privileged children from Katmandu
  • Moonlights as a psychoanalyst in Bolivia
  • String of application-friendly buzzwords: “Founded” + “Farmer’s Market” + “Low income neighborhood”
  • Tennis : Rafael Nadal :: Being extra smart and talented : You

That’s quite an extensive list of obligations to juggle! Luckily, however, the article is actually able to boil down the equation to just one catch-all piece of advice for would-be Ivy Leaguers:

  • Have money. Lots of it.

Problem solved?

  • Sigh…

    I love how any article that talks about  selective/prestigious schools (especially the Ivy Leagues) gets inundated by blue-collared, state school plebeians who bash them in every way possible.

    It’s always the same few arguments:1. I could’ve gotten in, but I didn’t have the money.2. The schools are filled with a bunch of snobs who aren’t even smart; I mean look what      they’ve done to the economy.3. Why should I pay exorbitant prices to get the same education I could get from my local      state school. I probably had it much harder since my [insert state here] school didn’t have     massive grade inflation and hand out free A’s. Yup. I guess they’ll never know. 

    • Sigh…

      and ivygate fucks up my text yet again…

      • Anonymous

        You know there’s an edit feature for comments, right?

        • Anonymous

          How dare you likely state school pleb correct this Galtian wunderkind!?

  • H ’14

    Negev archaeological dig? I did that, actually.

  • eli

    What’s “molecular science?” Would this guy think I’m a fool if I suggested he majored in “literature writing?” Cuz I kinda think he’s a fool.

  • Oliver_Twist

    SEO Friendly LMAO