Rejoice! Orientation is under way, or fast approaching, at our schools. As hordes of nervous and awkward first-years stream through the ivy gates, us upperclassmen happily anticipate the chance to impart some of our time-tested wisdom upon our eager new friends, with minds so pure — and yet-corruptible.
In particular, student publications at Columbia, Cornell, Penn, and Princeton have taken the lead in creating orientation guides for their freshmen, chock-full of charts, stories, advice, and photos. After the jump are some of the best bits we found. (Look for upcoming coverage on the rest of the Ivies.)
- Columbia’s Bwog advises new freshmen to not hook up with the first person/thing they see. And, if you do, at least wrap it!
- A classic Bwog post, meanwhile, delineates the debaucherous nosedive of a freshman’s typical first night at college. (What starts with meeting your R.A. meeting predictably ends with you getting CAVA’d.)
- Spectrum’s (Columbia) Freshman 15 series is your one-stop, infographical guide to not fucking up at college, with advice on what not to bring, what not to say, and what not to do.
- The Columbia Spectator wastes no time in instructing new freshmen on how, precisely, to hate on the other Ivy League schools’ sports teams. Also – a Columbia’s insider guide to studying your ass off.
- From an op-ed in the Daily Sun: “There is way more to this college experience than beer pong and cow tipping… Ithaca may be in Bumblefuckerton, but your college experience will only be as fulfilling as you make it out to be.”
- Another Daily Sun op-ed stresses the importance of never wearing Cornell t-shirts to parties.
- The Cornell Review reminds readers to hold Reagan dear in their hearts, be wary of “the liberal excesses of the myopic institution we call Academia.” Your one-stop guide to being an ornery College Republican!
- The Daily Pennsylvanian: An upperclassman declares, ”I envy the way freshmen see Penn.”
- Penn’s 34th St. Magazine: Your Questions Answered. A helpful primer for those of you who have ever wondered, “How many ears of corn should I hang up in my dorm to remind me of home?”
- 34th St. also provides a quick and easy guide to figure out whether or not your future roommate is a psycho or not with a simple study of their Facebook.
- And last but not least, 34th St. hits us with this brilliant graphic series, entitled “NSO: Before and After”.