Hey Harvard, Stop Peeing on Library Books

Harvard’s reputation for classiness is certainly one for the ages. Their latest act of noble grace: some Cantab has gone rogue and started peeing on library books about gay marriage. The Crimson reports that roughly 40 books on LGBT issues were “vandalized with urine” just before Thanksgiving break, according to a report filed last Friday with the Harvard University Police Department. The books, which were worth a few thousand dollars in total, have been thrown out for obvious reasons.

To be fair, human anatomy may not have been directly involved here. Library staff members apparently found an empty bottle next to the books, which they think may have been a vessel for the bespoke urine. Considering that we know plenty of frat boys who will unzip right into the closest item with space available (beer can/egg cup/friend’s backpack), it’s possible that a drunk doofus just got stuck in Lamont library, couldn’t find the bathroom, peed where pee would fit, and then got clumsy.

Hey, we said possible, not likely. Other things are possible too, like the plot of Cloverfield and Brown students being productive. At any rate, the HUPD is wisely assuming that this is the work of a prejudiced douchebag, and is treating its investigation as such.

Moral of the story is–and we shouldn’t even have to say this–don’t pee on books about gay people. Don’t pee on books at all. Don’t even pee into a bottle and then pour the contents of the bottle on books. Pee in the freaking toilet. And then flush.

  • Anon’

    And I’m guessing you’ll want me to put the seat down after I flush?!? Enough is enough my new organization, Peeing In Schools & Stuff aka PISS, will not stand for what is obviously an investigation targeted at drunken fratty guys.

  • Anon’

    And I’m guessing you’ll want me to put the seat down after I flush?!? Enough is enough my new organization, Peeing In Schools & Stuff aka PISS, will not stand for what is obviously an investigation targeted at drunken fratty guys.

  • youdahater

    why is this article still up? it turned out to be a mistake from the library staff, not some “frat boys who will unzip right into the closest item with space available.”
    who is hateful now?

    • not quite

      Uh, but someone still peed into a waterbottle, which is almost the same thing.