BREAKING NEWS: the Ying Yang twins didn’t go to college! The closest they’ve gotten? Galumphing across stage to slurred renditions of fratboy anthems at Yale’s Spring Fling, this Tuesday. Clad in the typical obsolete hood boy raiment (doo-rag, red colors, gratuitous night-sunglasses), they sat down, unabashedly, for an interview with Yale’s first Feminist Magazine, Broad Recognition (their first mistake) before taking the stage. Their mission: to quash much of the controversy surrounding them. They preached the values of a quality education:
Cuz nowa days, you ain’t got no diploma you can’t even work at McDonald’s, dammit!
They espoused their significantly independent brand of music:
We, our main objective as the Ying Yang Twins was to make hype songs for women that work in the strip club.
They reassured us of their sensitivity towards the disabled:
They say we was at Yale. I thought all the deaf peo ple was here cuz they said Yale. [Laughs]
They related the inherent flaws of religion (and with it, the power of the adjective):
Religious is nothing but a pawn of slavery
And, most importantly, they clarified their stance on sexuality:
If you like penis, say you like penis. If you like kitty cat, say you like kitty cat.
Most impressively, they even had time to dive into Chinese philosophy:
Yang: My brother’s more of the peace; I’m more of the war.
One-liners aside, one thing is for certain: Yalies certainly have good taste in men.