BREAKING: Rumpus Releases Yale’s 50 Most Beautiful (Sneak Pic and Full List)

Yale’s cruelest and least copy-edited “publication,” Rumpus, just dropped its trademark issue: the much-heralded and uber-nepotistic Yale’s 50 Most Beautiful. And inexplicably, there are 52 people on it. (Oh, and the cover mistakenly advertises 49, see below.) The rarely published and never fact-checked gossip rag also alludes to the exploits of a certain promiscuous “Cock Goblin,” public masturbation in Zeta, and more “truths they couldn’t prove.” Hot off the presses!

But don’t kid yourselves, you tasteless pamphleteers; we’re here for 50 Most. Best ways to get in? Know/hookup with Rumpus staff, make a public fool of oneself, (check, check) be a twin… or be beautiful, too, we guess. IvyGate’s got the list, and the balls to fact-check (stay-tuned).

Stats: The hottest Residential College is Davenport (mine, baby), with nine beautiful people, and the worst represented, Ezra Stiles, with a measly two. There are 11 freshmen, 12 sophomores, 18 juniors, and 11 seniors.

The actual hotness of these snarkily profiled folks is soon TBD. For now, feast your eyes on Movement for Beauty and Justice founder and professional airhead Justine Kolata, who made the issue alongside an exploited and confused horse above. After the jump: the full 50 Most list.

(Photo courtesy of Miranda Lewis, list graciously compiled by Joe Satran)

(in order of appearance)

Women

Celia Stockwell DC’11

Kelsey Gustafson MC’11

Olympia Arco SY’11

Eve King TD’11

Raffi Friedman TC’12

Liz Cui SM’12

Blaire Belling SY’11

Tanya Mayer BK’11

Dara Dickson ES’12

Steph Colanttonio SY’10

Lizzy Nadai JE’10

Rebecca Distler DC’12

Emmy Picket CC’12

Farah Al-Qasimi TC’12

Niki Sri-Kumar CC’11

Bray Ketchum DC’11

Chandler Benet BR’13

Teresa Benet BR’13

Anya Cekauskas BR’13

Lindsey Williams DC’11

Loren Olson BR’12

Courtney Grafton DC’12

Justine Kolata MC’12

Emily Ambrose BR’10

Rachel Schiff SM’10

Jackie Delligatti SM’11

Men

Bob Jeffery BR’11

Conor Youngblood DC’12

Dominique Fenton BK ‘10

Bear Handlon BK ‘10

Grant Goodlin PC’10

Nick Marcic DC’13

Derek Johnson JE’11

Peter Spaulding TC’13

Jake Conway DC’11

Colin Adamo PC’10

Jordan Raybould BK’10

Mert Altinok PC’13

Emre Altinok PC’13

Freddy Ketchum DC’13

Chad Costello TD’11

Henry Gottfried JE’13

Reggie Willwhite MC’12

Tom Mante BK’10

Cole Yeager SM’13

Brad Rose CC’11

TJ Smith ES’10

Alfonso Costa PC’11

Charles Holmes CC’13

Pat Witt JE’12

Nick Rugoff BR’11

Nicolas Niarchos TC’11

  • i got into the ivy league

    I present Alex Klein’s Last Ten IvyGate Posts: (1) Yale; (2) Yale; (3) Princeton; (4) Middlebury mistaken for Yale; (5) Yale; (6) Dartmouth; (7) IvyGate (8) Yale; (9) Yale; (10) Yale. Let’s just go ahead and rename this blog: “Alex Klein Links to the YDN.”

  • i got into the ivy league

    I present Alex Klein’s Last Ten IvyGate Posts: (1) Yale; (2) Yale; (3) Princeton; (4) Middlebury mistaken for Yale; (5) Yale; (6) Dartmouth; (7) IvyGate (8) Yale; (9) Yale; (10) Yale. Let’s just go ahead and rename this blog: “Alex Klein Links to the YDN.”

  • http://ssmag.wordpress.com/ Reason

    The ethnic composition of this list is interesting.

  • http://ssmag.wordpress.com Reason

    The ethnic composition of this list is interesting.

  • ?

    Shocker… Alex Klein goes to Yale. Big deal.

  • ?

    Shocker… Alex Klein goes to Yale. Big deal.

  • not a mistake

    Not a cover mistake, Alex. There are 6 ADPhi brothers in 50 Most this year but Alfonso Costa isn’t in the cover pic.

  • not a mistake

    Not a cover mistake, Alex. There are 6 ADPhi brothers in 50 Most this year but Alfonso Costa isn’t in the cover pic.

  • isn’t tj smith in stiles?

    head count for stiles = 2 :D

  • isn’t tj smith in stiles?

    head count for stiles = 2 :D

  • Flyoverland

    Is Rumpus going to put this up on it’s website???? It hasn’t been updated since April 09. Can someone post a pdf??

  • Flyoverland

    Is Rumpus going to put this up on it’s website???? It hasn’t been updated since April 09. Can someone post a pdf??

  • Y’12

    @Reason:
    you’re right, I guess there are even less minorities at yale then I thought :( But good list, once again we prove that Yalies can be the epitomy of douchyness

  • Y’12

    @Reason:
    you’re right, I guess there are even less minorities at yale then I thought :( But good list, once again we prove that Yalies can be the epitomy of douchyness

  • yale

    first of all – the Cock Goblin and zeta bro are not myths. everything in Rumpus Rumpus is always true. also, the twin/couple ones count as ‘one’ profile… because often they weren’t beautiful enough to get in on their own, and the COMBINED beauty made their fortune. (this is totally excepting Jackie and Nick, who are both gorgeous.) that’s part of the number discrepancy, and as an earlier commenter said, Fonz isn’t on the cover.

  • yale

    first of all – the Cock Goblin and zeta bro are not myths. everything in Rumpus Rumpus is always true. also, the twin/couple ones count as ‘one’ profile… because often they weren’t beautiful enough to get in on their own, and the COMBINED beauty made their fortune. (this is totally excepting Jackie and Nick, who are both gorgeous.) that’s part of the number discrepancy, and as an earlier commenter said, Fonz isn’t on the cover.

  • y10

    aww Jackie and Nick are so cute

  • y10

    aww Jackie and Nick are so cute

  • Brittney

    Another reason NOT to adhere to the pathetic, nepotistic requirements of a blindingly white campus full of trust-fund-suckers and future-golddiggers. Wow, I’m sure Mommy and Daddy would be so proud.

  • Brittney

    Another reason NOT to adhere to the pathetic, nepotistic requirements of a blindingly white campus full of trust-fund-suckers and future-golddiggers. Wow, I’m sure Mommy and Daddy would be so proud.

  • hm

    No Asian boys? Really, Rumpus?

  • hm

    No Asian boys? Really, Rumpus?

  • Guest

    Way to single out Justine… jerk.