Yale Sorority Girls Shoot for Internet Stardom, Aleksey Vayner-Style

Rush is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Yale’s Pi Beta Phi and Kappa Alpha Theta chapters have finally uploaded their 2010 Rush Videos to YouTube, and boy, are they uplifting. Before the creepy commenters get to them, IvyGate is pleased to present these masterpieces to the discerning Ivy League audience; and of course, to declare a winner.

We’ll start with Pi Phi’s, a heady docudrama entitled “Pi Phi Girl,” which explores–through the lens of Gossip Girl, Mad-Libs, and mid-90′s pop hits–what it truly means to wear the Pi Phi crown. Feast your eyes:

“Right now… let’s see… I, gosh, I have a meeting with President Levin right now, he wants me to help him with this multi-billion dollar fundraising campaign. It’s superrr intense.”

Next we move onto Theta’s more overtly satirical “The T.A.” Some nerd/jock jokes… a bad Snooki impression… etc, yawn, etc… and OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD THEY’RE CONJURING MAGIC ENERGY BALLS AND SHOOTING THEM AT AN EVIL COW! PLEASE SEE 4:21 IMMEDIATELY:

The time has come for you guys to make your energy balls. Take out your hands and place them in front of you, and think happy thoughts, and it will just come naturally. Don’t force it, Snooki, don’t force it! Think what you love!

After a few moments of speechlessness, we’re comfortable declaring a (totally objective) winner: Pi Phi all the way, baby. Not only have these young ladies provided us with great material in the past (“Heels. PRETTY HEELS.”), but their Rush video hits all the right notes: Snarky Rumpus editors, child brainwashing, Southern accents, sophomores I’ve been in section with, fur, sequins, an awkward unintentional flashing at 5:04, and of course, a “hey guys I heard you were stressed so I bought some cake and Diet Coke!!!!”? Check!

The cute slideshow at the end definitely seals the deal. At the risk of incineration at the hands of Theta’s energy balls, we’re confident in declaring: PPL 4eva guyz!

  • H 10

    Yale has proved through video this year that they really are the worst fucking place ever.

  • H 10

    Yale has proved through video this year that they really are the worst fucking place ever.

  • william legge

    I couldn’t care less about Yale or Harvard, but even I know that Yale trounces Harvard in almost every category (except, perhaps, overall research output–but no one cares about that). Harvard has been riding on its name for a long time, but the big hole in Allston seems to suggest that that’s coming to an end. Time to start focusing on things like undergraduate education, again. I have a great piece of advice for the admissions office: reject anybody who accepts their offer, because it bespeaks a total lack of imagination.

  • william legge

    I couldn’t care less about Yale or Harvard, but even I know that Yale trounces Harvard in almost every category (except, perhaps, overall research output–but no one cares about that). Harvard has been riding on its name for a long time, but the big hole in Allston seems to suggest that that’s coming to an end. Time to start focusing on things like undergraduate education, again. I have a great piece of advice for the admissions office: reject anybody who accepts their offer, because it bespeaks a total lack of imagination.

  • A lesson in Yale women

    “PiPhi” is Pi Beta Phi.
    “Theta” is Kappa Alpha Theta.
    “Kappa” is Kappa Kappa Gamma.

    Yes, the order was important.

  • A lesson in Yale women

    “PiPhi” is Pi Beta Phi.
    “Theta” is Kappa Alpha Theta.
    “Kappa” is Kappa Kappa Gamma.

    Yes, the order was important.

  • Alex Klein

    Abbreviation error corrected. Cheers.

  • Alex Klein

    Abbreviation error corrected. Cheers.

  • 0Y7

    I’m pretty sure the only sorority girls I knew in my class were in KKG, and after watching these videos, I’m pretty glad that’s the case. Otherwise it would have ruined my assumption that my classmates were, on the whole, intelligent. Now I’m just embarrassed for us.

  • 0Y7

    I’m pretty sure the only sorority girls I knew in my class were in KKG, and after watching these videos, I’m pretty glad that’s the case. Otherwise it would have ruined my assumption that my classmates were, on the whole, intelligent. Now I’m just embarrassed for us.

  • Wow

    holy fuck. that was both embarrassing and retarded.

    I didn’t know who the fuck pi phi were before, but thanks to that video, I know they’re the worst sorority out there.

  • Wow

    holy fuck. that was both embarrassing and retarded.

    I didn’t know who the fuck pi phi were before, but thanks to that video, I know they’re the worst sorority out there.

  • Penn 10

    I am glad a self-absorbed bunch of girls won over the joke video and I am glad we aren’t further promoting the sorority stereo type. Oh wait, my bad, you definitely did. Gawker got it right: http://gawker.com/5467032/yale-sorority-girls-are-pretty-smart-and-most-importantly-pretty

  • Penn 10

    I am glad a self-absorbed bunch of girls won over the joke video and I am glad we aren’t further promoting the sorority stereo type. Oh wait, my bad, you definitely did. Gawker got it right: http://gawker.com/5467032/yale-sorority-girls-are-pretty-smart-and-most-importantly-pretty

  • Just Another Way to Procrastin

    It seems to me that the two videos aren’t meant to be compared and are satirical. A true Yalie would recognize the humorous value and move on from these useless sorority videos. These recruitment videos aren’t meant to entice you, the generally above-average population, only rushes who are already so sorority-crazy that these videos only serve to convince them further.

    Rubbish videos and shame on us – myself included – for wasting our time on them.

  • Just Another Way to Procrastinate

    It seems to me that the two videos aren’t meant to be compared and are satirical. A true Yalie would recognize the humorous value and move on from these useless sorority videos. These recruitment videos aren’t meant to entice you, the generally above-average population, only rushes who are already so sorority-crazy that these videos only serve to convince them further.

    Rubbish videos and shame on us – myself included – for wasting our time on them.

  • http://peebleslab.com/ Pton

    I was halfway through the first video when I decided to work on my WebAssign due at 11 pm, now I’m finished but the video was made private so I can’t watch the rest of it. FML

    except it wasn’t that promising so I guess I just gained a few minutes of life lol. Thanks youtube! (but no, seriously IvyGate get on that)

  • http://peebleslab.com/ Pton

    I was halfway through the first video when I decided to work on my WebAssign due at 11 pm, now I’m finished but the video was made private so I can’t watch the rest of it. FML

    except it wasn’t that promising so I guess I just gained a few minutes of life lol. Thanks youtube! (but no, seriously IvyGate get on that)

  • http://peebleslab.com/ Pton

    awww what they’re *both* private? Fail! IvyGate fix it now

  • http://peebleslab.com/ Pton

    awww what they’re *both* private? Fail! IvyGate fix it now

  • y’13

    none of you guys were at rush, and so none of you realize that the videos were shown entirely in jest. girls in all 3 sororities at yale are accomplished and truly impressive people. pi phi seniors are entering teach for america and prestigious jobs at investment banks, theta girls are on the YDN, in dance companies, founders of charities, and kappa girls are intelligent and truly friendly — one is even a marshall scholar this year. most people at yale are pretty smart, and not everyone has to conform to your assumptions about what smart is. i’d rather be around funny, social, genuinely sweet girls who can laugh at themselves than anyone else. the wonderful thing about yale is that people don’t fit into little boxes, and it’s immature to try and make them. take the time to get to know the blonde pi phi with the blackberry that everyone’s making fun of, or the girl who laughed at herself enough to play fake snooki. they’re funny and nice people, and rush here was about finding another group you fit well into so you can branch out a little.

  • y’13

    none of you guys were at rush, and so none of you realize that the videos were shown entirely in jest. girls in all 3 sororities at yale are accomplished and truly impressive people. pi phi seniors are entering teach for america and prestigious jobs at investment banks, theta girls are on the YDN, in dance companies, founders of charities, and kappa girls are intelligent and truly friendly — one is even a marshall scholar this year. most people at yale are pretty smart, and not everyone has to conform to your assumptions about what smart is. i’d rather be around funny, social, genuinely sweet girls who can laugh at themselves than anyone else. the wonderful thing about yale is that people don’t fit into little boxes, and it’s immature to try and make them. take the time to get to know the blonde pi phi with the blackberry that everyone’s making fun of, or the girl who laughed at herself enough to play fake snooki. they’re funny and nice people, and rush here was about finding another group you fit well into so you can branch out a little.

  • 1Y3

    @y’13 above me: Could not have articulated it better myself. Maybe we’re sisters? If not, I’d be proud to have you as one :)

    Haters shouldn’t hate. It is categorically impossible to judge anything from the outside. End of story.

    ~Theta love
    (Piphi and Kappa love too)

  • 1Y3

    @y’13 above me: Could not have articulated it better myself. Maybe we’re sisters? If not, I’d be proud to have you as one :)

    Haters shouldn’t hate. It is categorically impossible to judge anything from the outside. End of story.

    ~Theta love
    (Piphi and Kappa love too)

  • lightblueblood12

    You chose to be in a sorority at an Ivy league school, you have set yourself up endlessly ridiculed, you deserve it, stfu and take it

  • lightblueblood12

    You chose to be in a sorority at an Ivy league school, you have set yourself up endlessly ridiculed, you deserve it, stfu and take it

  • dartmouth

    The criticisms of the Greek system that come from Columbiards and other such arbiters of hipness seem to be thus: (1) fraternity men are too masculine (but gay) and (2) sorority women are too feminine (but stupid). Both can be reduced to one: they are people you want to fuck but who won’t fuck you. Fifth-wave feminism?

  • dartmouth

    The criticisms of the Greek system that come from Columbiards and other such arbiters of hipness seem to be thus: (1) fraternity men are too masculine (but gay) and (2) sorority women are too feminine (but stupid). Both can be reduced to one: they are people you want to fuck but who won’t fuck you. Fifth-wave feminism?

  • Wow

    Wait… so let me try to get this straight… it’s ok to post a promotional video of your own stupid ass sorority, have it flop and turn out to be a huge bitchfest, and then just call it satire? and then make fun of people who criticize when it doesn’t work out in your favor?

    what the fuck?

  • Wow

    Wait… so let me try to get this straight… it’s ok to post a promotional video of your own stupid ass sorority, have it flop and turn out to be a huge bitchfest, and then just call it satire? and then make fun of people who criticize when it doesn’t work out in your favor?

    what the fuck?

  • Cool-umbia ’08

    Ah, dartmouth (the commenter, not the school), resorting to the age-old retort: “whatever, I bet you want to have sex with us!”

    Your comment, and you, are the reason there are critics of the Greek system. You should know that you can’t beat the “I’m a bro, bro!” stereotype by digging yourself even further into it. You can’t hide it behind vocabulary; there are plenty of smart frat assholes.

    I like Dartmouth a lot and have had a lot of fun on visits there, but I’m a city person myself so I wouldn’t have lasted 4 years in Hanover. That doesn’t make it worse or better, though. If I had attended I would probably have been in the Greek system, and I definitely would still know you’re a douche.

  • Cool-umbia ’08

    Ah, dartmouth (the commenter, not the school), resorting to the age-old retort: “whatever, I bet you want to have sex with us!”

    Your comment, and you, are the reason there are critics of the Greek system. You should know that you can’t beat the “I’m a bro, bro!” stereotype by digging yourself even further into it. You can’t hide it behind vocabulary; there are plenty of smart frat assholes.

    I like Dartmouth a lot and have had a lot of fun on visits there, but I’m a city person myself so I wouldn’t have lasted 4 years in Hanover. That doesn’t make it worse or better, though. If I had attended I would probably have been in the Greek system, and I definitely would still know you’re a douche.

  • @wow

    They posted the promo to attract girls to rush. Rush season is now over, and it makes sense that they wouldn’t leave it out there to catch meaningless flack from assholes like you and pretentious losers like Cool-umbia ’08. Now please take your bitterness and non-conformity and, if you can fit them up the leg of your skinny jeans, shove them up your ass.

  • @wow

    They posted the promo to attract girls to rush. Rush season is now over, and it makes sense that they wouldn’t leave it out there to catch meaningless flack from assholes like you and pretentious losers like Cool-umbia ’08. Now please take your bitterness and non-conformity and, if you can fit them up the leg of your skinny jeans, shove them up your ass.

  • Wow

    THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

    Bitterness and ‘non-conformity’

    yo lemme write that shit down. DAMN.

  • Wow

    THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

    Bitterness and ‘non-conformity’

    yo lemme write that shit down. DAMN.

  • dartmouth

    Cool-umbia ’08, I think that you completely missed the point of my commentary. If you look at the “criticisms” of the Greek system coming out of IvyGate (and its urban commentators), they never transcend anything more than petty assertions of (questionable) taste and a precarious sense of superiority, i.e. hipsterdom. And, let’s be honest, hipsterdom is just a really clever way for skinny and emasculated men to get laid after years of being picked on; in a Nietzschean twist, they’ve figured out how to turn their weaknesses into strengths. Hipster misogyny is far more insidious than anything that could happen in a Greek house. So, this critique of the Greek system boils down to taste and style, not substance. That was my first point. My second point was that criticisms of the Greek system also tend to be either misogynistic or homophobic. Greek guys are portrayed as chest-beating closet gays and Greek women are portrayed as brainless blondes.

  • dartmouth

    Cool-umbia ’08, I think that you completely missed the point of my commentary. If you look at the “criticisms” of the Greek system coming out of IvyGate (and its urban commentators), they never transcend anything more than petty assertions of (questionable) taste and a precarious sense of superiority, i.e. hipsterdom. And, let’s be honest, hipsterdom is just a really clever way for skinny and emasculated men to get laid after years of being picked on; in a Nietzschean twist, they’ve figured out how to turn their weaknesses into strengths. Hipster misogyny is far more insidious than anything that could happen in a Greek house. So, this critique of the Greek system boils down to taste and style, not substance. That was my first point. My second point was that criticisms of the Greek system also tend to be either misogynistic or homophobic. Greek guys are portrayed as chest-beating closet gays and Greek women are portrayed as brainless blondes.

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  • Y11

    If anyone ever wondered what true douchebaggery was, IvyGate provides great insight into the concept.
    Some of you guys seriously make me want to puke first, then run away from an Ivy, and finally spread communism to make sure that you guys never make the money you think you’re so entitled to make, or never get to publish the shallow pseudo-humanism (it’s not your fault it’s called liberal arts) you want to beat our dead minds with.
    Let them be!
    These girls aren’t dumb, they’re not that pretty and they just don’t take themselves seriously (as opposed to Dartmouth –the commenter, even though he is the only great knight who vaguely defends these defenseless people). I mean, some of these girls are dumb, some of them are pretty, and some of them do take themselves seriously, but not all of them: the idea that everybody in the Ivies is smart is a lie; people are just preppy or dorky; deal with it guys!
    Because society is soooooooo awesome it’s enough to make you believe that people are smart, and it’s enough to make you believe that blond = stupid. Not true either guys, some blondes are smart, and some people are even pretty and smart (that’s because some pretty people aren’t blondes… I know! Who would have guessed?).
    I don’t know if you want to have sex with them, but I do!! With all of them! At the same time in the castle Anthrax.
    Seriously, it’s no big deal! Having sororities doesn’t make college high school all over again, you can still talk like you’re in Dungeons and Dragons or Lord of the Ring, you can still be a geek or a dork, you can still be a bisexual baptist (I mean, I don’t know about outside of school… But at school you totally can =D, yay).

  • Y11

    If anyone ever wondered what true douchebaggery was, IvyGate provides great insight into the concept.
    Some of you guys seriously make me want to puke first, then run away from an Ivy, and finally spread communism to make sure that you guys never make the money you think you’re so entitled to make, or never get to publish the shallow pseudo-humanism (it’s not your fault it’s called liberal arts) you want to beat our dead minds with.
    Let them be!
    These girls aren’t dumb, they’re not that pretty and they just don’t take themselves seriously (as opposed to Dartmouth –the commenter, even though he is the only great knight who vaguely defends these defenseless people). I mean, some of these girls are dumb, some of them are pretty, and some of them do take themselves seriously, but not all of them: the idea that everybody in the Ivies is smart is a lie; people are just preppy or dorky; deal with it guys!
    Because society is soooooooo awesome it’s enough to make you believe that people are smart, and it’s enough to make you believe that blond = stupid. Not true either guys, some blondes are smart, and some people are even pretty and smart (that’s because some pretty people aren’t blondes… I know! Who would have guessed?).
    I don’t know if you want to have sex with them, but I do!! With all of them! At the same time in the castle Anthrax.
    Seriously, it’s no big deal! Having sororities doesn’t make college high school all over again, you can still talk like you’re in Dungeons and Dragons or Lord of the Ring, you can still be a geek or a dork, you can still be a bisexual baptist (I mean, I don’t know about outside of school… But at school you totally can =D, yay).

  • y11 #2

    lol guyz why so serious? lol. the worlds acrazy place there are different sides to every coin lol. sometimes u guyz are soooo serious lol ur not even that smart. IM SPREAD COMMUNISM. thats rite cuz like totally i’m above this ivy league stuff, i only go 2 yale cuz my dad made me and hes a jerk just leik u.

  • y11 #2

    lol guyz why so serious? lol. the worlds acrazy place there are different sides to every coin lol. sometimes u guyz are soooo serious lol ur not even that smart. IM SPREAD COMMUNISM. thats rite cuz like totally i’m above this ivy league stuff, i only go 2 yale cuz my dad made me and hes a jerk just leik u.

  • traveler2810

    At Yale, Kappa Kappa Gamma is the worst sorority. Pi Phi and Theta are tied for top with both getting the “best” i.e. hot, rich, WASP, etc.
    Then they get best eating clubs.

  • traveler2810

    At Yale, Kappa Kappa Gamma is the worst sorority. Pi Phi and Theta are tied for top with both getting the “best” i.e. hot, rich, WASP, etc.
    Then they get best eating clubs.

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