Bostonist alerts us to the sad, strange saga of two Harvard Crimsoners who decide to go on an expedition to that far-flung land of the Houyhnhnms Tufts Jumbos. Turns out, the party scene at Tufts on Valentine’s Day (huh?!) is no better than Harvard’s. Okay! Did the Crimson put two investigative reporters on the case, or were these two exciting, worldly people (who for some reason took a “$15 cab ride,” all right, Harvard, to a place that commenters note is easily accessible by T) just going to Tufts anyway? They may as well have written their article before they left Cambridge for the night; count the cliches in this excerpt alone!

Three girls pirouetted violently on the dance floor while a frazzled frat brother nursed a paper cup. A collection of listless sorority girls loitered in the hallway, coats on as if about to leave. We sauntered past lots of rooms, some with people in them, none with anyone even close to making out. Oddly it reminded us of Revenge of the Nerds.

The commenters at the Crimson site have been appropriately scathing. Our favorite concludes:

Yes, we may be the school of Harvard rejects, but we’re not fucking dumbasses. Open your fucking eyes, get out into the world more, and stop being so pretentious.

Here at IvyGate HQ, we promise never to write about our rare excursions off the manicured lawns of academe. And if we must go to another school and choose to write about it, we’ll take public transit.