Remember that whole drinking-age-of-21 thing we have here in the US? You know… absurd, internationally-unprecedented, and more to blame for binge drinking and drunk driving than testosterone and Grand Theft Auto put together?

Well apparently, in the wake of three poisoned freshmen at Pike, the Hanover Police do. After an intense meeting with Greek organization leaders and other concerned Dartmouthians, the fuzz has just announced that they will begin “sting operations,” as part of an ongoing campaign to stamp out illegal alcohol consumption on campus. How? Espionage. Really:

As part of the compliance checks, Hanover Police plans to send non-police operatives posing as underage individuals into Greek organizations’ physical plants during parties to see if they are able to procure alcohol, he said. Hanover Police could then use the information as cause to arrest individuals or bring further legal action against Greek organizations.

Essentially, that cutie you were trying to bed at the PhiDelt-post-renovation-party could turn out to be a glock-packing snitch; rather than buzzed and laid, you’ll end up in a 5-by-5 cell. Repercussions of the new Mission-Impossible infiltration scheme will be even harsher for the frats themselves. 100 G’s harsher:

Greek organizations can be tried as corporations, and can be charged with reckless conduct, a felony-level fine, for providing alcohol to those underage…With evidence that Greek organizations are supplying underage individuals with alcohol, the organization can be fined from $2,000 for a misdemeanor to $100,000 for a felony.

Naturally, this new police policy is incredibly stupid. Even more naturally, the Dartmouth campus is in uproar, with students, alumni, and faculty alike protesting in droves. John Alekna ‘10, president of the recently immolated Phi Delt, hits the nail on the head:

This will drive drinking underground.

Alumni Joe Asch ‘79 is the coolest 52-year-old we know:

How does this help kids deal with over-consumption? This will make kids hide, they’re not going to stop.

The Hanover Police playing spy novel in an errant attempt to suck all the remaining life out of Dartmouth’s campus: irresponsible and counterproductive to be sure. But unexpected? Nah. Dartmouth already leads the League in unnecessary alcohol-related arrests:

“To protect and serve,” eh?

Read on after the jump for the full text of the police email, details from the portentous meeting, and implications for the Dartmouth social scene.

The Hanover Police seem to understand that their new frat-invasion scheme isn’t exactly, how-you-say, “normal,” at least compared with the rest of the League. As the Chief ever-so-kindly put it,

If students “don’t like it in Hanover, they can go to another Ivy League school.”

How diplomatic. After all, when your new scorched-earth policing plan will deter kids from getting medical attention during, say, an alcohol-poisoning situation, the best PR strategy should definitely be: “Deal with it or fuck off.”

To be fair, drinking at Dartmouth has led to such questionable activity as sexual assault, “roof surfing” (yeah, really), and massive fires. But up to now, the strict policies have had little to no effect, while other Ivies are (mostly) sitting pretty. As the interestingly-named Kappa Delta Epsilon sorority presiedent, Zakieh Bigio ’10, put it:

This is not a way to effect change — change comes from intrinsic motivation. We should be partnering up, coming together, addressing issues because we want to, and not because we’re afraid. This is squashing the momentum of what we’ve been working on.

Students asked for a “grace period” before the sting operations go into full, surreal effect. Their requests were met with a resounding “no.” As the Dartblog put it,

Students sought to speak truth to power, but power was all they got in return from an intransigent Chief and his aggressive prosecutor.

Anyone out there with more info on the crackdown, its context, the student/administration response, or the general milieu on the Dartmouth campus in the wake of this announcement, do drop us a line. Until then, all of us over at IvyGate HQ will light a candle in mourning.

RIP: Fun at Dartmouth. December 13, 1769 – February 4th, 2010.

The police missive:

Dear Greek Letter Organizations and Society Presidents, Greek Leadership Council Moderator, Panhellenic Council President, Interfraternity Council President, Coed
Council President, and GLOS Advisors:The Hanover Police Department would like to invite you to a meeting at the Hanover Town Hall, (second floor), on Thursday, February 4th at 5:00PM. The purpose of the meeting will be to share concerns regarding adherence to NH liquor laws, possible police responses, and general legal consequences. This should be an opportunity for some open dialogue.

We are seeking to limit attendance to just one individual from each Greek
Letter Organization or Society (preferably the president) along with the
council presidents on the distribution list and one GLOS advisor from each
organization. In your absence, you are encouraged to send
a substitute officer from your organization. We ask that you bring
Dartmouth College identification where applicable, and sign-in upon arrival.

Please announce your intent to participate in an email to Detective Captain
Francis Moran, (Francis.Moran@HanoverNH.Org).

And keep a look out for anyone matching the below description at your next party. They could be wearing a wire.