“That’s Why I Chose” to Ram a Soldering Iron Into My Ears

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Oh. my. god. Yale has released a new admissions video called “Why I Chose Yale,” and it is bananas! Rotting, blighted bananas made of earnest on-key singing and poop.

Here are some misrepresentative quotes from a Yale Daily News article.

“It’s going to get noticed because there’s nothing like it. I expect that there will be parodies and attempts at imitation,” a dean said.

All of these things are true! It cost “less than one-tenth the cost of a professionally-produced admissions video.” You don’t say!

“We begged, pleaded, coerced anyone we could find.”

I am sure you did! At a couple of moments, you may find yourself saying: “That is impressive that all those people are all doing the same thing in a field” and “That is some pretty dancing.” These people clearly worked very hard. The lab girl freaking out about her beaker is kind of great! But, the long and short of it is: everyone has a creepy falsetto and will not stop squealing.

The YDN says that of 60 students attending a premiere Thursday night, 13 had “overwhelmingly positive responses.” I assume the other 47 were unavailable for comment, having strangled themselves with a belt, slit their wrist with the broken shards of an iPod Touch, or otherwise acted out the first scene from “The Happening.”

Watch for the enormously pregnant pause at like 1:06 after a girl confrontationally says, “Yeah. I have a question.” Literally so many things would have been hilarious to say then! One of them, apparently, was a musical-comedy romp.

Alright, clearly I have said nothing at this point (I am still freaking out), so please watch and better explain in the comments why this is such a scream.

  • yuck fale

    Effing Yale, now the douches who think this is gay will all come to Harvard.

  • yuck fale

    Effing Yale, now the douches who think this is gay will all come to Harvard.

  • D ’07

    Doesn’t Harvard already kind of self-select for humorless automatons without an ounce of creativity?

    You do have the Lampoon, though. I don’t know how, but you do.

  • D ’07

    Doesn’t Harvard already kind of self-select for humorless automatons without an ounce of creativity?

    You do have the Lampoon, though. I don’t know how, but you do.

  • Yale 2011

    I’m a Yale student and I am thoroughly ashamed at this video. We will forever have to deal with this black mark in internet history.

    Talk about dishonor and disgrace.

  • Yale 2011

    I’m a Yale student and I am thoroughly ashamed at this video. We will forever have to deal with this black mark in internet history.

    Talk about dishonor and disgrace.

  • Yale 2012

    This video makes “Citizen Kane” look like “Julie and Julia.” SPECTACULAR.

  • Yale 2012

    This video makes “Citizen Kane” look like “Julie and Julia.” SPECTACULAR.

  • Oh. My. God.

    That was awful. Almost gave up at around 10 minutes, but then I thought of an interesting idea and had to see it through:

    Almost every single aspect that was described in the video exists at the other Ivies. And none of the other Ivies is in a small, crime-ridden city with nothing to offer like New Haven. How did that not make it into the video?

    Don’t worry, it’s only an hour and half train ride to NYC!

  • Oh. My. God.

    That was awful. Almost gave up at around 10 minutes, but then I thought of an interesting idea and had to see it through:

    Almost every single aspect that was described in the video exists at the other Ivies. And none of the other Ivies is in a small, crime-ridden city with nothing to offer like New Haven. How did that not make it into the video?

    Don’t worry, it’s only an hour and half train ride to NYC!

  • @Oh. My. God.

    Yeah, because Ithaca and Hanover sure are cultural metropolises…

  • @Oh. My. God.

    Yeah, because Ithaca and Hanover sure are cultural metropolises…

  • http://yalesuckis.com/ dartmouth

    Hanover is an idyllic college town devoid of any crime and surrounded by some of the most beautiful scenery in America. The fact that things like a liberal arts education, freshmen deans, small classes, lots of clubs and groups were the things Yale decided to highlight shows how bland and average Yale is among the ivies. Literally everything in the Yale video exists at other schools or at least at Dartmouth. What exactly about Yale makes it unique? If you asked me that about Dartmouth it’d be easy: Emphasis on the outdoors, unique greek system, focus on undergraduates, obsession with tradition, the quarter system, the language program and the studying abroad programs, and the unanimous love affair with the college on the hill.

  • http://yalesuckis.com dartmouth

    Hanover is an idyllic college town devoid of any crime and surrounded by some of the most beautiful scenery in America. The fact that things like a liberal arts education, freshmen deans, small classes, lots of clubs and groups were the things Yale decided to highlight shows how bland and average Yale is among the ivies. Literally everything in the Yale video exists at other schools or at least at Dartmouth. What exactly about Yale makes it unique? If you asked me that about Dartmouth it’d be easy: Emphasis on the outdoors, unique greek system, focus on undergraduates, obsession with tradition, the quarter system, the language program and the studying abroad programs, and the unanimous love affair with the college on the hill.

  • Princeton10

    I’ll take Princeton’s douchey, conservative, elitist culture over an artsy, PC, hipster school any day. This video makes me want to vomit all over Yale!

  • Princeton10

    I’ll take Princeton’s douchey, conservative, elitist culture over an artsy, PC, hipster school any day. This video makes me want to vomit all over Yale!

  • Columbia13

    @Yale2012 – I lold. :D

  • Columbia13

    @Yale2012 – I lold. :D

  • Jerome

    The video is great — very interesting that Yale let the students do it themselves. And it’s OBVIOUSLY campy and meant to be fun – a complete departure from the endless miles of snorific liberal arts school admissions videos. Omg, think about THOSE for a minute and the dentist drill aspect of being exposed to about 20 of them on your college visits. What’s REALLY interesting is that various trolls, including some who are obviously posing here as Yale students, just can’t refrain from hating on something entirely harmless, calling it “gay,” worrying anxiously if their cross-admits will now choose Yale, and otherwise peeing their pants. Get a life and enjoy the ride. Your schools are safe, even though Yale obviously’s got a good vibe and had a good time letting it show through.

  • Jerome

    The video is great — very interesting that Yale let the students do it themselves. And it’s OBVIOUSLY campy and meant to be fun – a complete departure from the endless miles of snorific liberal arts school admissions videos. Omg, think about THOSE for a minute and the dentist drill aspect of being exposed to about 20 of them on your college visits. What’s REALLY interesting is that various trolls, including some who are obviously posing here as Yale students, just can’t refrain from hating on something entirely harmless, calling it “gay,” worrying anxiously if their cross-admits will now choose Yale, and otherwise peeing their pants. Get a life and enjoy the ride. Your schools are safe, even though Yale obviously’s got a good vibe and had a good time letting it show through.

  • dartmouth12

    are we sure the dartmouth yale enthusiasts aren’t behind this somehow?

  • dartmouth12

    are we sure the dartmouth yale enthusiasts aren’t behind this somehow?

  • @Jerome

    They’re not calling it gay cause it’s “stupid”. They’re calling it gay because there are a bunch of [apparently] homosexual students and alumni putting on a campy musical. It’s not an insult, just an observation. Call it “gaysploitation”.

  • @Jerome

    They’re not calling it gay cause it’s “stupid”. They’re calling it gay because there are a bunch of [apparently] homosexual students and alumni putting on a campy musical. It’s not an insult, just an observation. Call it “gaysploitation”.

  • glee

    I think it’s brilliant… it’s totally going to appeal to up-and-coming Glee/High School Musical wannabes who will think that finally they can go to a place where people spontaneously burst into song.

  • @princeton10

    I agree with you, and I GO HERE. Kill me now.

  • glee

    I think it’s brilliant… it’s totally going to appeal to up-and-coming Glee/High School Musical wannabes who will think that finally they can go to a place where people spontaneously burst into song.

  • @princeton10

    I agree with you, and I GO HERE. Kill me now.

  • @dartmouth

    a few things:

    i agree, this video makes yale seem very bland. that is not to say that yale is bland, but that the video fails to capture what is unique (much like a dartmouth admissions video might omit footage of real beer pong). needless to say, i am a bit disheartened that yale has decided to push this video so hard, when it really is not presenting the campus in an entirely flattering light.

    where you are completely wrong, however, is in your opinion of new haven. in fact, i wish the video had focused more on how GREAT new haven is. i’d even argue the best ivy college town (new york is great but distracts from college life, cambridge is cookie cutter, and hanover is unbelievably boring). there is great food everywhere, lots of local arts and music festivals, and beautiful neighborhoods and parks (if you’ve never been to east rock, do not even try to refute this) to walk around.

    perhaps my favorite aspect of yale is how many different social scenes thrive on campus. you can find the fratty douche scene (like princeton) or super hipster scene (like brown) or super intellectuals (columbia) , etc. coexisting and thriving on the same campus. unfortunately this video just displays one slice of life. truly a shame.

  • @dartmouth

    a few things:

    i agree, this video makes yale seem very bland. that is not to say that yale is bland, but that the video fails to capture what is unique (much like a dartmouth admissions video might omit footage of real beer pong). needless to say, i am a bit disheartened that yale has decided to push this video so hard, when it really is not presenting the campus in an entirely flattering light.

    where you are completely wrong, however, is in your opinion of new haven. in fact, i wish the video had focused more on how GREAT new haven is. i’d even argue the best ivy college town (new york is great but distracts from college life, cambridge is cookie cutter, and hanover is unbelievably boring). there is great food everywhere, lots of local arts and music festivals, and beautiful neighborhoods and parks (if you’ve never been to east rock, do not even try to refute this) to walk around.

    perhaps my favorite aspect of yale is how many different social scenes thrive on campus. you can find the fratty douche scene (like princeton) or super hipster scene (like brown) or super intellectuals (columbia) , etc. coexisting and thriving on the same campus. unfortunately this video just displays one slice of life. truly a shame.

  • y10

    ok allison williams. we get it. your dad is brian williams. you are a very serious actress dedicated to your art, aka cookie-cutter looking with tons of makeup and fancy haircuts and supported by daddy’s money to do what you want while the rest of us will actually have to work for a living. losing a ton of weight doesn’t make you beautiful, and constantly mentioning your famous connections doesn’t make you a good actress. chill out girl

  • y10

    ok allison williams. we get it. your dad is brian williams. you are a very serious actress dedicated to your art, aka cookie-cutter looking with tons of makeup and fancy haircuts and supported by daddy’s money to do what you want while the rest of us will actually have to work for a living. losing a ton of weight doesn’t make you beautiful, and constantly mentioning your famous connections doesn’t make you a good actress. chill out girl

  • H ’07

    Yale students made this video. Harvard students made Facebook.

    Point, Harvard.

  • H ’07

    Yale students made this video. Harvard students made Facebook.

    Point, Harvard.

  • D ’12

    christ

  • D ’12

    christ

  • C ’13

    @@Dartmouth,
    yeah, because all other schools only have students that entirely fit their university stereotypes…

    The video might be seen as campy and fun, but it still has too much seriousness to be let off the hook like that. I see a well intentioned failure that will haunt Yalies on the internet for some time. It is bad judgement to produce a video like that when the university already had a gay stereotype before.

    Perhaps the gay video only makes sense because it is about Yale. I honestly can not imagine a video such as that which features Columbia.

    Maybe, a new way to judge schools is by the videos produced on campus! Dartmouth is douchey and conservative because those jocks created those rap videos about their new president and stupid shit. Yale is gay and into theatre because of the current video; Harvard is also gay and virginal because of that video they made about their quiddich team. Columbia is badass and super cool because of Spiderman and Ghostbusters. Yay!

  • C ’13

    @@Dartmouth,
    yeah, because all other schools only have students that entirely fit their university stereotypes…

    The video might be seen as campy and fun, but it still has too much seriousness to be let off the hook like that. I see a well intentioned failure that will haunt Yalies on the internet for some time. It is bad judgement to produce a video like that when the university already had a gay stereotype before.

    Perhaps the gay video only makes sense because it is about Yale. I honestly can not imagine a video such as that which features Columbia.

    Maybe, a new way to judge schools is by the videos produced on campus! Dartmouth is douchey and conservative because those jocks created those rap videos about their new president and stupid shit. Yale is gay and into theatre because of the current video; Harvard is also gay and virginal because of that video they made about their quiddich team. Columbia is badass and super cool because of Spiderman and Ghostbusters. Yay!

  • drtmth12

    I can’t decide if this will be a black point on Yale’s record or something remembered with warm amusement. It’s entertaining yet embarrassing… a shameless humor.
    Some parts are definitely funny (like guitar solo) and other parts are too high school musical.

    Meh. But who cares? It doesn’t really matter anyways. It’s a video. There’s plenty of those.

  • drtmth12

    I can’t decide if this will be a black point on Yale’s record or something remembered with warm amusement. It’s entertaining yet embarrassing… a shameless humor.
    Some parts are definitely funny (like guitar solo) and other parts are too high school musical.

    Meh. But who cares? It doesn’t really matter anyways. It’s a video. There’s plenty of those.

  • drtmth12

    correction: *There are*
    OCD strikes again

  • drtmth12

    correction: *There are*
    OCD strikes again

  • edwinbell

    Isn’t this really the University of Wisconsin?

  • edwinbell

    Isn’t this really the University of Wisconsin?

  • @@Oh. My. God. Says

    ha, but Ithaca IS a cultural metropolis, like actually in the very definition of the word! obvi you have never been here
    -K

  • @@Oh. My. God. Says

    ha, but Ithaca IS a cultural metropolis, like actually in the very definition of the word! obvi you have never been here
    -K

  • ivyalum

    wtf! this is the most rancid piece of tripe…. ever. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

  • ivyalum

    wtf! this is the most rancid piece of tripe…. ever. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

  • d10

    ever seen a DOC trips safety show or a dimensions show? so much cooler than this.

  • d10

    ever seen a DOC trips safety show or a dimensions show? so much cooler than this.